Warning: This may be a cribopost!
December, a month I always look forward seems to have taken a strange contrary turn this time. Things which can go wrong, are. And that doesn't even include the unexpected. Lets take the long, strong bout of flu. A normal flu flutters in and out as we solder on. We may even welcome a day's rest for it. This one however, had all sorts of stages:
1. Collapse: I am dead to the world. Help.
2. Hopelessness: My life is over. This will never get better. Maybe it is some deadly disease....maybe I need to reevaluate my life at every level.
3. Too far off: Ok, maybe it will get better but too late for me to ever catch up in this race called life. Maybe it will last into weeks or months gobbling away all my leaves and thus leaving me helpless and clueless about the world.
4. Desirelessness: There is nothing that I want anymore. I am too fed up. What was it that I wanted from life?
5. A stray hope: So I found a single thread towards what gives me/ used to give me happiness. So now, holding that tiny thread forth, lets see the next tiny step. Desires are coming back!
6. Alive again: Life is good and I am alive again.
7. Haziness: Just as life seems better again, the aftereffects of illness and medicine turn grey in the form of weakness and a thick veil of haziness. I am physically better but the mind refuses to work. I am only 50% of what I originally was. Help!
And there we are! A cycle of flu eating time up time, health and sucking up all joy.
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