Facts of life-Kabir

Kabir gave pearls of wisdom ages ago but they are still so valid...

Chalti Chakki Dekh Kar, Diya Kabira Roye
Dui Paatan Ke Beech Mein,Sabut Bacha Na Koye

Translation :Looking at the grinding stones, Kabir laments
In the duel of wheels, nothing stays intact.

Pothi Padh Padh Kar Jag Mua, Pandit Bhayo Na Koye
Dhai Aakhar Prem Ke, Jo Padhe so Pandit Hoye

Translation :Reading books everyone died, none became any wise
One who reads the word of Love, only becomes wise

Bada Hua To Kya Hua, Jaise Ped Khajoor
Panthi Ko Chaya Nahin, Phal Laage Atidoor

Translation :In vain is the eminence, just like a date tree
No shade for travelers, fruit is hard to reach

PhD -The Rollercoaster Begins

This is going to be a tough. PhD does try its best to turn you into a geek. It's almost like a physical transformation and each day, I see it in amazement and then I revolt!

Let me give an instance. It's been a little over two weeks since I got back from a 10 days intensive workshop. And today I felt frustrated because I haven't done any concrete research till now! It's not as if haven't been working but at the same time it's not as if I have either! There's a lot " extra work" which doesn't really fall under any concrete category. What's weird is how I secretly felt glad and proud to have been given it so I could have a chance to "learn" instead of resenting the take over of my free time.

It's been the other way round. I resent free time in a way. I go out to enjoy and I come back and feel guilty and upset that I didn't give that time to work when there's so much I "want" to do. One (or rather any geek) would wonder why I go out then at all. Because I want to. I want to remain NORMAL and remain ME.

And what I see around me people enjoying their lives. And I realize that I can't just wait because by the time I am out of here , I will be ancient. Already I feel old. Recently I saw a typical MBA group working. In the field where they went so that they could "make noise" and discuss. And that was their assignment. Sometimes that is it. With no exams!!!

And here I snap if anyone gets me a little late. I seem to make life hell for close ones. This is now. What happens later? I see married people giving "home" priority over work. And sometimes I just can' imagine myself doing that. Study is not just work. It's a form of meditation. It's sometimes even sacred. And it takes over life.It's like being married to work. And I feel guilty for what this would do to someone close. Is the only alternative to remain alone? I don't want that.

For a few moments I wondered why I am doing all this. Then I realized..I enjoy it. Hell! Heaven! It's all here. It's my life. It's the only place I belong. I could never exchange it for any amount of "fun" or any high paying job.

But yes, I do also want to enjoy, love and relax. And I WILL.
So..................................
.....................................as minors and deadlines get nearer...............I blog! And look for time management techniques! Maybe the best one is not to think at ALL.

Tag....Five things on my mind just now.....

I am finally taking this tag of Geetika's. Maybe that I will also get to know what is in my mind.
Hmmmm let's see...

1) I want to go out with friends. More specifically, I want one more day to hang out as we did in B.Tech and at the same place. I still miss that.

2)I want to have a week full of good soulful thought-provoking conversations that were "common" when friends were near.

3) I can see things changing. I know they have to. But I wish they won't all of the sudden.Just because I may remain a student doesn't mean everyone else will but it doesn't stop me from missing company.

4) I wana be better. I don't want to hold onto close ones so tightly.

5) I wana really get started with work properly and really get into it(weird!!!)

I tag Taps and Ash.

A new year and a new PG Express

It's been a long long time again. And this has marked a brand new phase in my life.
Yes, I have taken the next step in post graduation.PhD.

Finally all confusions and cryptics end here with this one word which will now define maybe the next many years of my life. It' s exciting and it's scary. At least it's a little less lonely. But that will keep oscillating as people come and people go and I become a fixture in the lab.

If I go in order to list the steps I took/ or life took for me for the past year it would this way:
1)Clarity-Jan
2)Clarity-Feb
3)Confusions-March
4)Confusions galore! -April
5)Action-May
6)Relaxation-June
7)Look busy , do nothing. "Chakkar kaatna"-July
8)Nostalgia-August
9)Independence -September
10)Busy bee work-October
11) Why me work-November
12)All pieces fit in place-December

All this has been followed by "B" part in this this year so far :

B part
1)Relaxation-a week off from the mobile , computer and work in pure fresh air with loads of walk, novels and family time-perfect!
2) Chakkar kaatna
3)Why me work
and moving onto ....
4)Independence at a price.

Wow! No wonder I feel at the end of each day as if I have lived a week! What with an entire months emotions getting covered each day!

BTW HAppy NeW YeAr to all.

My resolutions? Skip top busy bee phase or even work phase!

P.S : I am not a geek , I am not even dignified or "grown up" , I am not brilliant. I even get lazy and am not always hard working.

But I just wanted to do this. I am stubborn, lucky sometimes and very much loved. So maybe that way lucky always.

:)

Hai Khoobsurat Yeh Pal
Sab Kuch Raha Hai Badal
Sapne Haqeeqat Mein Jo Dhal Rahe Hain!!!!!

Hide me :(

Wordless

It's certainly been a long time...again. I guess I just don't have words.
It's like I had taken time off "normal life" for these 6-7 months. And now I am soon going to find out where I stand in the real world. But no matter what the judgment, the experience has been worth it. I have learnt a lot more than I expected. And it's been an enriching time. Some may say it was somewhat like a break. It was in the sense that I didn't have as much stress about everyday stuff. But I probably worked even more than before. I definitely had more responsibilities than ever before. And yet I got a chance to explore life and be spontaneous. And some of those decisions actually paid back well. In other cases, well at least I tried and enjoyed!

I also got a chance to think a bit. The things which would have earlier affected me a lot suddenly aren't as important. Yes I can still be a baby about some small issues but I don't mind admitting what I believe in. I don't mind admitting my weaknesses. At the same time, I was able to assess my strengths.

Just when I need to work the hardest, blogging comes to my rescue like an old friend. Somehow high pressure work and blogging just do go hand in hand.

Well of this is just random thought scrunched up together like my jumbled up hair.
Make sense out of it if you can!

I guess the gist is just "I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference........................................................................
........................................................
........................................................
.........................................................
...........................................................but I don't know yet in what direction!