If I stay by Gayle Forman

A very different but interesting read. It about how someone copes when they lose it all...all that they could call their life with interesting out-of-body experience details thrown in. It brings out hope and the intrinsic fighting strength of humans.

The following are some interesting quotes from this book. They are keepers!

"How do you get over jitters? 

You don't. You just work through it. You just hang in there."

"The people who would normally pass along pertinent information that something has happened to me are in no position to do that."

"People believe what they want to believe"

"This is the first time someone has acknowledged what I have lost...the permission he just offered me -it feels like a gift."

"Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimed choices make you."

"Seventeen is an inconvenient time to be in love. All relationships are tough. Just like with music, sometimed you have harmony and other times you have cacophony."

"Losing me will hurt. It will be the kind of pain that won't feel real at first and when it does it will take her breath away. But she'll deal. She'll move on. And I bet she'll be a stronger person because of what she's lost today. I have a feeling that once you live through something like this, you become a little bit invincible."

"Maybe if I'd had more devastation in my life, I would be more prepared to ho on."

"It makes me happy to imagine them drinking tea or going to the movies together, still connected to each other by thr invisible chain of a family that no longer exists."

"But I'm also feeling all that I have in my life, which includes what I have lost, as well as the great unknown of what life might still bring me."

 

" transcendent grieving  doesn't last. Gloom descends, the awfulness of your loss hits you again and again. Real life gets on with itself. And eventually your loss normalizes, it integrates into part of your everyday life, and you find yourself 3 or 5 years later doing OK, changed but ... but still able to hear your friends' voices, still telling stories about them, still thinking of them every day. "

" In a way, they have never left me

 And that's just it, isn't it? That's how we manage to survuve loss. Because love never dies; it never goes away; it never fades. As long as you hang onto it"

Before Green Gables

This is a book which depicts Anne Shirley's life before she was at Green Gables. It flows seamlessly to the next book. Even with the change in authors, it seems a very realistic versionof Anne's past. It depicts Anne's passion, romanticism and her hardships. 

It adequately describes the characters mentioned in Anne's early life including her imaginary friends. It also narrates a brief about Anne's parents' life and death. It displays physical and other resemblences with her parents. Like her perfect nose and hatred for geometry. It also goes on to show Anne's struggle to bring up kids while still being a kid. 

It also portrays very beautifully, the origination of Anne's love for long fangled words and how she starts to read which is very endearing. It makes one understand her love for education. Though it does contradict with the way Anne goes into a self imposed school exile over a little provocation in the next book. This Anne is longing to go to school desparately. But overall it's a book which made me want to yet again revisit my favourite series from this refreshed perspective.

" I want to stay exactly where I am, looking at my beloved muddy river ambling along, and waiting for the return of Walter. I want things to stay exactly the same for ever."

"Your anger has to go somewhere. Some people get waful stomach ache and headaches"

"Anne was going to be able to stand up to whatever life threw at her. She would Prevail."

"I feel so bad about being so deep in the pit of despair just because I couldn't go to school. I didn't know that the only important thing in the whole world was that my Noah, your Noah - was alive and well. "

"Anne, thank you for showing me again that words are important. Also that teaching is fun. And that forgiving is possible."

"Go.If you stay here because of  Anne,  you'll be hating her in a few years"

"She longed to tell the history of her own. But how she could do that when there was no one to tell it to?"

Imagining things is not wicked. It's good. It's what makes  people write books and paint pictures and make music. It means pretending things. Go on doing that...It can often rescue you from the depths of sadness"

"But getting angry makes me almost more upset  than the thing that makes me angry."

"It wasn't perfect but Anne should surely have learned by now that life had a lot  of cracks on its surface. Everything would be fine."

"What do you suppose I was before that happened? Was I really nothing? What are you when you're not? That?'s even harder to figure out than what you are after you die"

"I learned to read today. That's why it was just the most important day of my life, except for the morning I was born. Today, I felt like I got born all over again"

"Listen carefully. It will get better. Probably not today. Maybe not tomorrow or next week. Or even next month...But it will get better"

"But you, you often get the right answer even when all the numbers seem to be all wrong"

I don't feel so good about standing up myself. I'd like someone to be helping me. Yes, I'll help you. But someyime I hope I get a chance to be young before I get too old to enjoy it'.

I just can't  understand why it's necessary for people to die. When they go, they leave such a chasm of emptiness behind  them. I thought I'd fallen into the pit of despair before, but nothing was ever quite like this" 

" She wanted to put them all in a large nox and keep them in some sort of memory place where she could take them out and look at them as often as she wanted. But right now, she wanted to put a lid on that box and keep in securely locked for a little while. She needed a look ahead rather than behind."

"She had lived long enough to know that floors didn't become like that (shiny) on their own."

"...captivated by the limitless expanse of sea,..., the smell of salt and seaweed. This is what I've been waiting for my whole life"

"Even a crying baby delighted her because she knew she didn't have to carry it, comfort it, or feed it."

" she felt as though she's absorbed enough happiness to keep her warm and safe and satisfied for the rest of her life."

The last cup of tea

What won't I do for another cup of tea, with you Daddy,

We know the first, we know the inbetweens but we don't know, we never know the last,

The last cup of our tea together,

It passes away, it rushed away with life and its strife,

How I long for another cup of your tea and favourite bread,

With conversation that would bring peace, make the hear glad,

Not having that for the rest of my life fills the heart with dread,

We know the first, we know the inbetweens but we don't know the last

The last cup of tea and favourite bread

Oh how I miss you my wonderful dad!

Grieving

When you lose a parent it's almost like a physical loss of a part of yourself. The grief is there to stay though it will hit harder in the beginning then the frequency may taper to more bearable hours and that may be days much later on. That later on varies for everyone. Here's my take on the grief:

1. The first few days you feel a huge loss of even physical strength that it's tough to even get up.

2. Being alone can be very tough in the beginning. Even a few moments.

3. Walls can seem to close in.

4. You may have huge bouts of crying and it seems unstoppable. Days and days this can continue.

5. Or can't seem to cry at all for a while

6. The same last scene can keep recurring in your mind

7. And then one day it goes out such that you can't see it again at all.

8. You may dream of the lost loved ones a lot

9. Or can't seem to meet them even in dreams.

10. You may have palpitations or other stress related physical symptoms

11. You may want to be busy all the time

12. Or not at all want to be too busy

13. Or there are times when you can't do anything

14. Tears can fill your eyes suddenly when not expected

15. You may cling to old albums

16. You may find each new thing a huge ordeal, not to be able share with those loved ones. So that entire first year is going to be extra hard.

17. You may get a little better and then slip back again remembering any little moment.

18. You may want to talk a lot and build up a huge support system

19. Or may want to withdraw much more or with specific people

20. Random moments will remind of your lost loved one and how your life changed

21. Even seeing that relation, for example, parents with  their kids in a random place or even on the TV can tear you up

22. You may keep getting hit by the realization again and again each time you wake up initially. You wish it was a bad dream. But it doesn't go away. And then with time the frequency changes a but. Instead of many times a day, maybe the realization hits you just once or a few times every day. 

23. You may eventually turn spiritual or  perplexed by questions of life and death

24. A particular time in the day may be much harder for you for the void will remain.

25. Sleep patterns may change

26. So can food habits

27. The same physical space may seem very confining suddenly

28. Yet, you may be wary of any variability in the routine or that same physical space.

29. You may take a shaky step ahead and fall back two steps.

30. And it feels like a huge abyss.

Then, just hold onto yourself. Hold onto anything that gives a bit of peace to you. One small step to the next. It happens. It is toughest part of life, at least so far. It will take time. But one day it will be more bearable, you will be better. Though you will miss but slowly you will take good memories in your heart and remember that horrible moment when you lost your loved one, less. The realization will set in. But it will never be the same again. It will change you iŕrevocably in many ways. It will age you irreversably. The pain may go to the background for a while but it can pop up anytime. You will learn to live with that much pain and sense of loss. But you will be functional and will live life fully again someday. And it will feel wrong also at times. But remember it is not. Because your life is linked to other loved ones also who are there. Because life is too precious to be frittered away. It needs to be lived every single day. 

List of movies to watch

So far, I have created a list of some great feel good movies and now this lust contains some good movies to watch ahead which may then get into the next lists. These a good mix of movies whose story I know as have read the book and those which I need to see. So here it is: 

1. 5 feet apart

2. Little women

3. Anne of green gables (cartoon)

4. Anne of green gables (CBC series)

5. Anne of green gables (1985 movie)

6. Anne of green gables (2016/17 movie)

7. The fault in our stars (again)

8. The secret garden: cartoon

9. The secret garden: movie

10. Heidi : cartoon/movie

11. Casper( cartoon, again)

12. Polyanna :cartoon

13. Polyanna : movie

14. Confession of a Shopaholic (again)

15. Percy Jackson series of movies

16. Big little lies (maybe)

17. Through the looking glass

18. Sleepless in seattle

19. Sound of music

20.It's a wonderful life

21. Inception

22. Matrix trilogy

23. LOTR

24. Vampire diaries: series, try

25. Parasite

26. Casablanca

27. Farewell (Chinese)

28. Life is beautiful

29. Dead Poets Society

30. Legally Blonde

31. The Dark Night

32. Eternal sunshine of spotless mind

33. Breakfast Club

34. Forest Gump

35. Four weddings and a funeral

36. Gravity

37. Interstellar

38. Matilda

39. Famous five series BBC

40. Nancy drew series

41. Sweet Valley  series/movie

42. Flintstones (again)

43. I dream of jeanie (again)

44. Hyacinth videos (more)

45. Everything everything

46. Midnight Sun

47. Sisterhood of travelling pants (again)

48. Angels and demons (again?)

49. Da Vinci Code (again)

50. Cast away

51. The theory of everything

52. The imitation game

List of hindi movies

Some recent unique, unorthodox Hindi movies (mostly amongst newer ones):

1. Hichki

2. Dear Zindagi

3. Chak de

4. 102 not out

5. Saina

6. Panga

7. Mary Kom

8. Mardaani

9. Queen

10. Chhichhore

11.3 idiots

12. Dil Chahta hai

13. Rocket Singh

14. Pyar ka Punchnama

15. Chhalang

16. Big bull

17.Sanju

18. Lagaan

19. Helicopter Eela

20. Mission Mangal

22. Sonu de Tittu de wedding

21. Guest in London

22. English Vinglish

23.Taare Zameen Pe

24. Lunchbox

25. Munna bhai

26. Lage raho munna bhai

27. Neerja

28. Bheja fry

29. Hindi medium

30.Chillar Party

31.Badaai Ho

32.Kapoor and sons

33.Udaan

34.Padman

35.Suidhaga

36.Newton

37.Shakuntala Devi

38. Thappad

39. Lakhya

40. Rock on

41. Bhaag mikka bhaag

42. Dangal

43. Secret superstar

44. Manikarnika

 Wow! Thi proves how much Bollywood has grown in mindset recently! Now for some, simple, repeatable feel good movies:

Some older feel good movies

1. Kya Kehna

2. Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum ( just because it's my favourite)

3. Abhiman

4. Kabhie Kabhie

5. Padosan

6. Yaarana

7. Namak Halaal

8. Dil toh pagal

9. Kuch kych hota hai

10. Bunty and babli

11. Jodha Akbar

12. Hum Saath saath hain

13. Guide

14. Maine pyar kiya

15. Hadd kardi aapne

16. Diwane

17. Bol radha bol

18. Hum aapke hain kaun

19. Mohabattein

20. Hum dil de chuke Sanam

21. Dilwale dulhania le jayenge

22. Akele hum akele tum

23. Papa kehte hain

24. Raja hindustani

25. Silsila

26. Har dil jo pyar karega

27. Mujse dosti karogi

28. Soldier

29. Yeh jawaani hai diwani

30 Jab we met

31. Hum tum

32. Band baja bharat

33. Humpty sharma ki dulhania

34. Kal ho naa ho

35. Hasee toh Phasee

36. Golmal

37. Chupke chupke

38. Veer  Zara

39.Jab we met

40. Dil dhadakne do

42. Shadi ke side effects

43. Chalte chalte

44. Taal

45. Don

46. Dostana

47. Chandini

48.  Ghar ho toh aisa

49. Mr. India

50.  Love aaj kal

51. Khoobsurat

52. Aaiysha

53. Haseena maan jayegi

54. Bade miyan, chota miyan 

55. Border

56. Sir

57. Dil

58. Hum hain rahi pyar ke

59. Partner

60. Mujhse shaadi karogi

61. Dil kya kare

62. Pyar kiya to darna kya

63. Hum aapke dil mein rehta hain

64. Ki & ka

65. Aakhen

66. Bhagban

66. Salaam Namaste

67. Karna

Some movies yet to be seen

____

Wake up Sid

Life in a metro

Piku

Vicky donor

Do dooni chaar

Shubh Mangal Saavdhan

I am Kalam

Tu hai mera Sunday(?)

Kahani

Black

Bucket list

The sky is pink

Talaash

Raazi

Mughalaiazam

Zero

The intern?

Tribhanga

Badla

Aarakshan

Feel good movies list (English)

Here I am creating a list of feel good, pick-me up movies which can then be watched in times of need. So here are some movies which I feel are worth watching again (in no particular order):

1. If only

2. A walk to remember

3. Mrs. Doubtfire

4. Love actually

5. He's just not that into you

6. Two week's notice

7. You've got mail

8. The notebook

9. P.S I love you

10. The confessions of a Shopaholic

11. Bride wars

12. How to lose a guy in 10 days

13. The runaway bride

14. Twilight: all movies

15. Erin Brockovich

16. Marlie & me

17. It takes two

18. The internship

19. Lego movie

20. Father of the bride: both parts

21. The sisterhood of travelling pants

22. Malificient

23. Beauty and the beast

24. Tangled.

25. Ratatouille

26. Stuart little

27. Finding nemo, dory

28. The fault in our stars

29. The princesd diaries

30. Mouse hunt

31. Harry Potter: all parts

32. Charlie and the chocolate factory

33. Home alone

34. Baby's day out

35. I am legend

36. Kung fu Panda

37. Up

38. Bruce Almighty

39. The proposal

Some good movies but maybe not rewatch: 

1. Jaws

2. Baywatch

3. Speed

4. Jurassic Park

5. AI

6. Gravity

7. The sixth sense

8. Contagion