Saturday, October 27, 2012


(Warning: This is strictly from an Indian girl's perspective!)

Marriage. One word which changes your entire life. Suddenly all sorts of cliches which you have heard a millions of times and which never fail to make you cringe actual seem true. Like it being a new life entirely, especially for a girl.
It's not just another chapter, it's part II of the book of life.

It's the first biggest change most people undergo. And only in some cases do you find the prefect match and actually know that beforehand. Yes, that simplifies things a great deal.  Well! marriage and simplifications don't really go hand in hand! I may be the first one to say this but I feel that may actually be good for everyone concerned. And I have gross example to clarify  the same. A doctor gives you an anesthesia before operating to numb your sensations during an operation. You wake up the next morning realizing the change but not feeling all of it. In the same way, these preparations will numb all sense of feeling while you are really into it. And before you know it, the change will have occurred. And then, because it had happened, it  just may feel a little less huge. Because it's also true that sooner or later we all get used to any kind of change.

Don't get me wrong, I am in favor of marriage despite the way it unravels your world for a while. To me it seems the next logical step for most of us (I agree there might be exceptions). And even that is only true when we are actually ready. Yes, there does come a time when you are ready for your entire world to change.
Why? Because it's the next step. It may happen because you suddenly want some special to hold a bigger place in your life. When you actually want to spend a lifetime with them, live with them, instead of just dating. (or looking for them ). Or it may happen when you realize you have already reached all your childhood dreams which were achievable and now are ready for new dreams. A new beginning.  You become a "we" from a "me". It changes your thinking in all multitudes. You get ready for a whole different set of dreams and experiences. It's certainly the biggest kind of adventure.

And here come the preparations which gear you up for it. The stuff to make fresh start. All kinds of ceremonies  from prayers to warding off evil spirits. The best way is to just go with the flow, let it all happen. The people who do it, do it because you actually to them and they want this change to  work out well for you.  You may not follow or like everything they say but listen all the same. It kind of makes one feel special:) Every one from that neighborhood aunty you avoided to far off relatives to virtual strangers, will have something to say, some advise to give.People will call you just to ask how the preparations are going and if they can help. And they actually will help if you ask for it. Partly because for many of them, it will be chance to relive their special moments and for others, a glimpse at what future holds for them. It's something which unites people all over. It's gonna be the only time when you will be made to feel that special by everyone.  You will adorned to the hilt. You will be discussing makeup, hair styles, jewellery and of course dresses for months to follow. Accept it. A cracking of a nail will actually mean something to you even if you were supposedly a studious geek. Add a new wardrobe to it and well you know what will occupy most of your time. You will remember cards, menus and your trousseau like they are your thesis. And it's required because more people will query you about that than will ever read any of your papers. Honeymoon destination could be the open elective which you choose. At first you may want something very unique with all these but what I realized was there's something very special about being absolutely traditional. And it's possible to do that and still retain your style. Like choosing some kind of red in your wedding dress. Like buying some of those "heavy" saris and suits. Wearing lots of red.Wearing a chuda for an adequate amount of time. Even taking a few days off work. A few days before the wedding will seem like board exams all over again as people guard you against all kinds of mishaps...and soon you will also start doing that. You will have your manicured fingers and toes crossed at all times! You may even let some guy ward off evil spirits with a feather! Participating in all kinds of Pujas and ceremonies with a gusto! Like a mehendi with all females surrounding you and having all those weird bridal songs. You will actually like them this one. Watch out, you may even blush!

What I mean to say is that if taken in the right spirit, this time can actually be the best way to bid a goodbye to single life. Wedding preparations can be fun. Yes, they will get stressful. Very. But the best advise is (see now I am giving advise :P): "Over-prepare and then go with the flow". Things will go wrong. But if you have enjoyed the preparations, you won't mind that much.

Remember, no matter what little preparation goes haywire, you will get married. And that thought will scare you, no matter how dreamlike the new life seems. (A bit like PhD!)

But like a friend said, if you take one step at a time, you will be enjoying the process till that day and then everything will be new and special. So by the time you get to routine life, a different kind, you may be half settled.

Ok, back  to preparations! Remember to smile even if you have butterflies in your stomach!


ankur said...

Seems you are enjoying a lots!!!

aditi said...

Reply [Ankur]

Bill Stewart said...

So I heard about Do you have any idea what that is about? It sounds interesting.

Tapasya said...

Beautiful as always :) Such a pleasure to read :)