I think I finally understood "out of body" experience. I was incapacitated with pain. I was the pain and nothing else for a while. I could only survive it. Breathe through it and make myself believe that it would go away. Sometime. Eventually. In the meanwhile, I had to wait it out. Survive. I wasn't brave throughout. I was terrified, stunned and just holding on. But it did go away a few hours later. After painkillers reduced it to "just pain" which though also severe, was one through which I could see the world and feel that I was more than the pain. I could feel hope again. I held onto my dreams and rode them to rosier times. And finally, like a melody, it reduced to a whisper and I was myself again. I was not just functional but living my life again. Even in spurts in between the pain.
The treatment is not yet over. Hence nor is the pain for good. I know this is a pause. But I write this is in that pause to give hope to all others suffering from some catastrophical pain just one thing:
"it will get over. Eventually"
