Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Transition and the wait

I know PG Express requires another post and that will come eventually but for now there is this one about the transition into the next phase.

Ever since I have started the new phase, there is this waiting that never ends. Waiting for lunch time. Waiting for end of day. Waiting for weekends. PhD though long but it never had such waiting times. There was a constant life with control. You worked when you wanted to and additionally when you had to. Recreation happened during self-created "breaks". Now you work for fixed hours, fixed pay. And at least initially its just about getting through those hours. Surviving another day of partial boredom. Sometimes you study, sometimes you work, sometimes you socialise a little  and sometimes you just wait and survive the cold AC. Maybe they pay you for surviving that cold. I know that's a cynical approach but that is the initial work phase. The learning phase. Sometimes there are flashes of self-satisfaction of a work well done. Some flashes of finally getting that thing working. But there is a general aimlessness.  There is no higher purpose as yet except completing each day.

There is a smile on my face on leaving here that used to be there on arriving there ( during PhD). I think that explains the difference of the two lives in nutshell. But it's more complex. There is that satisfaction of completing a work-day. But also the joy of life at your own little home ...away from the world.  Doing as you please. Your own time with no guilt for watching TV when you could have worked. Work already got over for the day. Weekends are completely your own. Again no guilt about "not working". 

So that smile signifies freedom. Freedom which wasn't there earlier at any point of time. Yet it comes at a price of aimlessness at least so far. That comes due to transition. This is a period of rest for the mind. With time  new goals will be created and with a new vigor I will be driven in their direction. But for now I revel in each day. For now I pause and live in the moment...while I wait.

1 comment:

Ashema said...

That's a phase everyone goes through after finishing studies and getting to adjust in the new phase of a working professional. Later, as you get more embroiled in the work arena, it will be a battle of achieving work-life balance.
For me, it's a different situation too, getting back into the student mode exclusively. ;)