My mother, my first best friend

It is with profound grief that I announce that on 23rd November,  my mother, Mrs. Anuradha Kapoor passed on to her heavenly abode  Here I am penning down some thoughts about her.

My mother was my first best friend. From secrets to gossip to clothes to tea, we shared it all. From coloring books and matching pairs to reading to late night studies, she was always there for me. She was the one who shopped for earrings and stole, who helped me develop a unique sense of style. 

She was the glue that held the entire family together. She took care of us all, grandparents, my dad, myself and the entire family including Adhyayan, our son.

She struggled with a lot but she never complained. She created the most fabulous feasts when we were on foreign postings.  From extended family to our foreign embassy  family to neighbors everywhere, she charmed everyone with her smile, chats, delicious meals and comforting warmth.

She warmed my feet on chilly nights and heart when I was upset.

Cooking was many times her way of caring. Like the way catered to my food whims  during childhood, making chicken soup for grandparents when they were unwell or changing the family diet entirely when my dad lost his kidney.

She was close to all our house-helps across the years and would know all their life details, would take care of them but them gifts, make teas and snacks for them.

She was a modern woman who also valued herself and taught me the same. She enjoyed a good life, good food: within her set standards of discipline!, shopping, going out and celebrating every occasion. She played Dholak on my Sangeet and on our wedding , she was all grins. She looked fabulous.

She used to watch Flintstones with me with gusto equal to my childish wonder and do word search with me when I would be ill. She would tell me Kathas and yet used to love reading Filmfare and Stardust magazines. She introduced me to my first M & B!  And our son to his first nursery rhymes.

I never saw her cry till my dad passed away. She was a brave and strong woman. But she really missed him. It was heartbreaking to see her lose the sparkle in her eyes then. But she tried to hold it together.  She remembered all occasions but Jo was the apple of her eye.  The last thing she ever said to me was to take care of him. And in those last few days, she kept mentioning papaji. I hope and pray that they are reunited above.

Quietly by Becky Hemsley

I missed you quietly today. So quietly that no one noticed.

I missed you as I climbed out of bed and as I brushed my teeth; when I waited at the lights on the drive into work and as I heard the rain outside my window.

I missed you as I ordered lunch and as I kicked off my shoes when I got home; as I switched off the lights and climbed into bed for the night.

I missed you without tears or noise or fanfare.

But oh how I felt it.

I felt it in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and at night. I felt it as I woke, as I waited, as I worked. I felt it at home, on the road, in the light, in the dark, in the rain.

I felt it in every one of those moments, each one sitting heavier and heavier as the weight of me missing you kept growing and growing. 

Yes, I missed you so quietly today.

But I felt it so loudly.

***

**Quietly’ is a newer poem by

Becky Hemsley 2024

Be your own Hero

I read this somewhere and really liked it, enough to make a note: "No one will come and save you. No one will come riding on a white horse and take all your worries away. You have to save yourself, little by little, day by day. Build yourself a home. Take care of your body. Find something to work on. Something that makes you excited, something you want to learn. Get yourself some books and learn them by heart. Get to know the author, where he grew up, what books he read himself. Take yourself out for dinner. Dress up for no one but you and simply feel nice. it’s a lovely feeling, to feel pretty. You don’t need anyone to confirm it."

House of Night : special quotes

These quotes are the ones gave that gave me a little suppport during the toughest time of my time. I couldn't note all the quotes from the entire series as yet but with what I have right now. So here it is, some comfort for grief from the House of Night series. 

House of Night

Betrayed

You couldn't have stopped it. You couldn't have saved her. Nyx didn't let you know it was going to happen because there was nothing you could have done

I think all we can do is take one day at a time.

Death is more difficult if it goes unacknowledged.

And promise that if the worst happens, and some of the rest of us don't make it through, the others won't let them be forgotten

Shaunee, we have to go on. We have to date and be happy and live our lives. Nothing's guaranteed, Stevie Ray's death proved that. We can't waste  the time we've been given. When I said I'd  make sure she was remembered, I didn't mean that we were going to be sad forever. It meant I'd remember the happiness she brought to us and keep her smile close to my heart. Always. 

I'd take my own advice and take one day at a time. One issue at a time.

He was what was important right now, not me and not my need for hysteria.

Sometimes lava, sometimes lego

Sometimes lava, sometimes lego,

Sometimes a flood of emotions flowing like the lava,

Sometimes it's all frozen and tight

Othertimes compact like a lego with pain points, 

Both are mine

Both are painful but divine

Thai travelogue

"The waves of the sea help me get back to me." - Jill Davis.

Destination: Thailand

Places you visited: Phi Phi island, Krabi and Phuket

Best cuisine: Pad Thai noodles and pancakes. Seafood. Spring rolls.

Breathtaking moments: Swimming and snorkelling in the blue green sea at Phi Phi, The Big Buddha, Island hopping in Krabi: the Chicken Island and Tup island (multiple islands connected together at low tide)

One local word that you learnt: Khob khun Kha/Khrap (Thank you) , Swadikha/ Swadikhrap (Hello)

Few Lines about the people there:  There are two kinds of people. The locals and the tourists. Thai people are very polite and hospitable. The tourists are highly carefree. And there are plenty of Indians everywhere

One Must Try / Best Things to Do there: Don’t just do tourist spots. Do something that matters to you. Do drive across cities from Phuket to Krabi. The roads are beautiful, bendy and scenic. A drive across cities shows some awesome views. An island hopping tour in Krabi is a must for a lifetime worth of experiences. Watch the sea merge from blue to green. Yes, the water looks exactly as green as in photos. Snorkel at exotic points. Watch as the sands separate multiple islands at low tide. Stay a while at Phi Phi. It has some amazing resorts and a chance to just experience the beauty of the sea and sands at a relaxed pace. Just walk across the sea and swim with the fishes. Watch the beach expand at low tides and fill up again almost magically the next day.  Do take a long tail boat tour acros some of the islands, maybe even at sunset. Try the Phuket city tour. Don't miss the big Buddha, Chalong temple or Karon viewpoint. Do go to the old market place. Do watch a Thai show and visit a theme park.

Your advice for ‘Essentials to carry’: Lightweight swim suits, coverups, sarong, colorful dresses, sunglasses, sunscreen, slipppers and you are done! 

And books and card games for travel. 

A good internet connection to navigate. And a portable charger. Carry cash and cards. Carry only a little cash a day to avoid stress in touristy places. Where possible, try to prebook and prepay so that there is less to carry or worry about

 Details: 

Plan your travel across cities taking into account the distance across cities, keeping less activity on the first and the last day if you have some days of travelling. We started with Krabi, then moved on to Phi Phi and culminated it at Phuket.

The best part was the clear, green water merging into blue at places. Krabi offers a mix of quaint city life and beaches. It's good for trying street food, getting your hair braided, going shopping and getting a thai massage. Of course keep some time for island hopping. The drive from the airport to Krabi gives you a glimpse of many cities along the mendering scenic roads. Soak in the culture. 

Phi phi is about relaxation and sea life. If you stay in Phi phi, it's worth having less activities planned there and taking things as you go in the flow. Whether it is walking across the lowtides, snorkelling or seeking a sunset spot. The resorts are fabulous. Try a high end one and bask in the luxury and thai hospitality with a sea view everywhere. Lie on a hammok and feel the waves gently brush you by. Eat a pizza at the beach! Eat seafood. Swim with a view of the sea. Click pics worth a lifetime of memories.

While in Phi Phi is travellers can rest their weary souls, Phuket is for explorers. The best way to get to know thai culture in a short time in to plan a city tour. Visit temples, the factories, the outworldly experience of Big Buddha and of course sop by many scenic viewpoints in between. Go to old city for shopping and bargaining. Do book a show experience Thailand's mini fantasy world at Fantasea or similar other enteryainment units. For the more adventurous there are also many waterparks. I loved Phuket's old market's structure and Big Buddha. It was special to hear the history of the monks of Chalong temple. We had our first honey ice cream and loved it at the bee keeping place. Having twisted my foot at Phi Phi, I could only hobble along in Phuket but it didn't frop me from the Big Buddha climb. At the rest of the places, I enjoyed the serenity of the environment.

When you are travelling alone or in a small group, it's  completely ok to custom-plan based on the experiences you want to take back rather than standard tours. But it may just make sense to stretch a little more and see a little more. Generally 1-2 landmark points a day is good, keeping  a buffer day in each city.

Lastly, it's not only about the sea but the water does leave one spellbound and it calls back to the soul to come back to it just as we did, after 12 years. The second trip left us just as in awe as the first one. While the first was a getting to know, the second built deeper into the connections without a hint of disappointment.

World Cup and leadership

With the world cup fever at its peak, recently I was rewatching the movie '83 with family. Besides the glorious game, I was very interested in the way the PM used cricket world cup to divert the people away from riots. The way team work and people management was carried out within the team either by the captain keeping faith in his team or the communication of the batsmen strategizing how they would play together in a mutually beneficial manner. Finally it's all about understanding people happiness. Whether it's at political levels, sports teams or in an organization or any other team. It's not so much about management but understanding what delights and inspires the people.

Comfortzone

Comfortzone is like a pair of old, worn  pajamas...nothing beats it but ultimately we have to leave it for our own good :)