I am not OK

There was a challenge to write a post titled "I am not OK". What better time than now with COVID infection.

I have lost the sense of smell and taste. Literally, no sense of any smell and taste. I put on cream and nothing. Soap, nothing. Even with perfume. It started with me not liking chips. Well, sometimes, pringles can be a little off I thought. But when I couldn't even taste a mango, I realized there was something wrong. It felt bland, slightly sweet but no flavour and tang. And that is how my life continues. Flavorless.

Corona has weird effects. There is the tiredness. On days, actually several times a day, it's tough to get up from lying position to drink water but the throat keeps drying. A trip to the washoom or kitchen is exhauting enough to demand the rest worth of a few kms walk.

Why a walk to the kitchen some may wonder. Well, when corona hits the family, one stills needs to cook and clean. It is not a break. Except from easy breathing. Easy reading. Easy anything.

For days, lights troubled. I couldn't tolerate the glare of any light.  I couldn't read. And I read a book a day.

Any day. Every day. Until suddenly it hurt to roll eye balls. Reading and grasping became beyond me. I saw just words. I couldn't even read sitcom brief descriptions on the TV.

Then there have been the bouts of crying. Full blown wailing and crying. For the fears. For me. For family. For the isolation. For no reason. Corona brought about a weird sense of depression which kind of continues. It's too easy to cry. Too tough to sleep. The weird insomnia continues. I need to see broad day light to fall asleep now. Darkness brings about too many lurking shadows. 

Now there is also a haziness around my brain and ENT. I can hear very little and process just as much. The rest goes off in a fog of haze. If I hear 5 fast sentences from my son, I have to ask him to slow down. I forget terms. Does a person remain fully functional after the fever dies does in corona? No. Not by far. Do they ever become fully functional again/ when does that happen. I have yet to find out. That haze around my head, throat, eyes, ears and nose persists and wantomly entangled any of these into not functioning.

So I am not ok. Not right now.  No excuses. No niceties. Just the bland truth to go with bland corona times.