This is it. The Convocation. The recognition of years of effort and all that is much more than effort. And suddenly student life is over forever. Or maybe that has just been formalized now but it got over much earlier. Between thesis submission and defense, a PhD scholar slowly weans away from student life, towards another world. That happened. After defense, one loses all fears of uncertainity so convocation remains a mere formality. And that's what it seemed like until the Vedic mantras started. It was just the rehersal. The person conducting it explained that they meant that the institute and teachers have done all they could and now it is upto the students to take this knowledge further. Next came the oath. And subsequently the goosebumps. And the memories. The memories include the pride of being able to gain knowledge from such great minds, to learn at such a great institute, of achieving more than expected. And all the good stuff. There is a lot. But there have been posts about it. This post is not about that.
Because somehow this time I remembered all the tough moments. The tears. The toil. The time before it all started....how unreachable it seemed, right from school...yes it was an early dream. The victory of joining and then the fears. The time of struggle when one could just plod on with no clarity. More tears. The harsh questions. The determined answers. The constant feeling that "it WILL work out somehow". The sleepness nights. The weekendless months. It was tough. Tough in so many more ways than just academic. And finally there was also the time when I also finally wondered whys of doing it. It comes to everyone in some or the other phase. For me that started when it was nearly over. When the next steps became hazy. When you know that you that are oriented for a specific field. Yes, field matters after so many years. When you can't bear the experience and effort not being acknowledged.
Yes, soon it all worked out and the questions became long forgotten. Until these chants. Was it worth it? Yes. Would I do it again if given a chance. Yes, of course. But that doesn't change it WAS tough. What did it teach me? Confidence and persistance. There is nothing that can't be done. Somethings just take longer and some just need more effort. Just like after childbirth, one gains the courage to bear any kind of pain, with the reminder that it is minisculine compared to that, same is the case with PhD. You gain the courage to take up any task and know that you can do it, because you have crossed much bigger and stronger hurdles. And survived.
You come out stronger.
And realise it's ok to cry a few tears of joy at that final moment. They validate all those other tears.
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