Hyderabad trip: finding my way (part 1)

This is in continuation to the post "escape". For a while I thought this would be the escape from stress, daily worries as they kept getting piled up. And in some ways, it was. Though in some ways it also exhausted while creating an entirely new journey.

Finding my way, literally

This journey started very differently from others. It was less organized. I packed light, too light it turned out! I got late for my flight and just made it in the nick of time. There was none of the usual time to hangout at the airport. Yes, I love planes and airports. I would stroll, windowshop and eat. And pick a good book. Well, this time I just entered and rushed to board. As a result I was also too late for the window seat, another almost norm for me. Well, I adapted, rushed and got into the plane, relieved just not to miss it. I peeked at the window, absorbing views, got out a packed book, ordered some snacks and got into my flight mode. There's something so blissful about eating while watching the clouds, even it is instant noodles and instant tea. Well, here's the weirdness, I actually enjoy instant meals and even instant tea even when options are available! And of course, a good book can accompany just about anything.

Upon landing, the struggle and observations started parallely. I had expected this to be a kind of normal trip...with a flight and a busy city. Compared to the previous conference in Mandi, this was expected to be a breeze. Except that it was breeze which I experienced! The first thing I realized was it was going to be much colder than I had anticipated or packed for. The next was rocks, everywhere, of all shapes, sizes and color.  All the way from the airport. It is what forms the picture of Hyderabad for me. The big rocks, almost cave like structures. With flowers surrounding them.  Water bodies coming and going. It all presented a quaint picture, as if from a different era.

The next was Paradise biryani, just as I gazed at it, the driver abruptly stopped and dropped me off at the wrong hotel, despite my protestations! Maybe I should have heeded when he asked to talk to over the phone for directions. At that time I had thought "who needs to ask directions in the time of google maps?"  Or maybe it all started when even locating the taxi stall took so much time.

Well then, it was a journey for my map and I. Seems there a lots of Oyo's everywhere, even on a single street. Luggage in one hand, google map in another, I walked the busy street of Gachibowli. And again. And resorted to asking people. Noone seemed to know the existence of this place! Finally I turned to a dark alley with misgivings, got more directions, turned another dark alley and ..lo and behond...it was there. What a welcoming sight from within!

I got into the room and ordered tea. Missed the kettle and its welcoming instant tea to my taste. Shivered. Closed the ac and fans which they seem to turn on just to show you that switches work. Realized I had in fact packed too lightly for this cold, struggled with a stubborn wifi and fell asleep with the thought that "this may not be easy as it seemed".

Well,  this was part 1. This series has more to follow given time, hopefully :)

November booklist

Book 48: Blubber by Judy Blume
Rating: 3
A light reread.

Book 49: Princess Diaries (Princess in love)
Rating 3.5
A light reread.

Book 50: Turtles all the way down by John Green
Rating 4.5

Not so much for the plot or story but for all the words. Such perfect and thought provoking sentences!

Book 51: I heart Paris by Lindsey Kelk
Rating: 3.5
The story is interesting, light, the pace is right. But it doesn't do justice to the title. There is not enough about Paris. I heart Vegas caught the spirit of Vegas in a much better manner than this does for Paris.

Book 52: Speedpost by Shobha De
Rating: 4.5
An amazing book. Letters ftom Shobha De to her children. As a child, I enjoyed reading this book as a guide to understand the generation gap. And now, as a mother myself, it's come round an entire cycle now. It now gives a new perspective of the limited time we have as parents to actually enjoy and cherish our children's childhood and take care of them.

Book 53:
I heart Vegas by Lindsey Kelk
Rating: 4
A good reread.

Book 54:
Rules for girls(moving day) by Meg Cabot
Rating:3.5
A light, fun book.

It's easy to fear

An attempt at quick poetry for WOW!
"This weekend, we would want you to Write A Poem Using These Words – Fear, Ready, Wide, Tie, Will. This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda."
I might have missed it by a minute, but here's the entry

It's easy to fear losing all that is dear
It's easy to look far and wide
And not tie oneself to a fixed goal, a fixed life
What's tough is to be ready for change,
To risk all for a new horizon
One needs the will of iron
A heart full of grit
And foolhardiness even if just a bit

But jump you must only if you must
Risk only if it holds true to self
And not just because it glitters in the distance like a pretty pearl, a closed shell

This blogpost was selected as WOW post

It's easy to fear

An attempt at quick poetry for WOW!

It's easy to fear losing all that is dear
It's easy to look far and wide
And not tie oneself to a fixed goal, a fixed life
What's tough is to be ready for change,
To risk all for a new horizon
One needs the will of iron
A heart full of grit
And foolhardiness even if just a bit

But jump you must only if you must
Risk only if it holds true to self
And not just because it glutters in the distance like a pretty pearl, a closed shell

December booklist

Book 55: Sabrina the teenage witch
Rating 3.5
Light and fun

Book 56: Scrambled legs...2
Rating 4
An old favourite. It was hood it after years.

Book 57: Loved by PC Cast
Rating 4
A continuation to a much loved series. This brought some twists while maintaining the continuity of the older characters.

Book 58: After you by Jojo Moyes
Rating 4.5
The sequel to "Me before you" . Such a touching, fast paced book with such well placed emotions. The perfect sequel to a book which had been left at such a tough end. Can't wait for the next in the series.

Book 59: Homecoming Cathy Kelly
Rating 4.5
A cosy, comfortable, book full of warmth. 

Life's priorities

Noone really knows when they would  cross their personal middleage mark. But after a while, we reach a threshold beyond which we feel a greater urge to do all the stuff that we planned out to do.

Companies set prorities at regular intervals and then kind of work around doing the best for the top priorities. Because everything can't be done and is not required to be done. Won't it be great if similar prorities could be set for life? But measurability becomes an issue. How does one measure what is more important in life? There is no maths, no formula, no fixed parameters. Is happiness a parameter? Is success another? Yet both of these are themselves subjective. How do we measure happiness or rather for what time period do we measure? If we are happy currently is that enough to focus on the moment? Or do we stall, forestall and prepare for a safer future which may or may not actually exist? Yet if it did, it would become present again. Or do we set about doing first what we would regret not doing the most if we realized we had limited time on earth?

Each of the above three has their own pros and cons and thus defines different ways of living. Maybe that is also true for different phases of life for the same person...
For now I would be more inclined towards first or third but would be interesting to get different opinions in this.....

How do we set about priorities?

Turtles all the way down

There are novels and then there are novels  which fantastic stories or plots. Yet others with seemingly ordinary plots but amazing words. The kind where you want sit with a highlighter or notepad to make a note of all the gems you come across. Well this was one of those. Words worth noting, remembering, discussing. Each of these can themselves be a fullfledged blog. Maybe I will add that someday but for now, here are gems. I may or may not agree with all of them but definitely find them worthwhile.

Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills
....
Your life is a story told about you, not one that you tell
...
Anyone can look at you. It's quite rare to find someone who sees the same world as you see.
....
I don't like to throw the L word around, it's too good and rare a feeling to cheapen woth overuse.
...
True terror isn't being scared, it's not having a choice in the matter.
....
Whether it hurts is kind of irrelevant.
...
He who doesn't fear death,  dies only once.
....
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. ~William James
...
I is the hardest word to define
....
Maybe you are what you can't not be
...
The thing is,when you lose someone, you realize you'll eventually  lose everyone
.....
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity. ~Yeats
...
In love like a sea you drown in or a town you live in. You don't get to be in anything else, in friendship or in anger or in hope.
....
Reading someone's poetry is like seeing them naked
...
I enjoyed being with him in this nonphysical space, but I also felt the need to board up the windows of myself.
....
In 3 words, I can sum up everything I know about life. It goes on.  ~Robert Frost
...
Even the silence has a story to tell you.~ Woodson.
....
What I love about Science is that as you learn, you don't get answers. You just get better questions.
...
You can't let the light catch up with the present. Otherwise you'd forget.
...
In the best of conversations, you don't even remember what you talked about, only how it felt.
....
The most important part of the body isn't the brain or heart but the part that hurts.
...
"None of them work.
The other side....None of them have worked as yet".
....
It's turtles all the way down.
Like, the world is billions of years old and life is a product of the nucleotide mutation and everything. But the world is also the stories we tell about it.
...
I remember what I've imagined and imagine what I remember.
....
The problem with happy endings is that they're  either not really happy, or not really endings, you know. In real life, some things better and some things get worse. And then eventually you die.

The other perspective:

You pick your endings and your beginnings. You get to pick the frame. Maybe you don't choose what's in the picture but you decide on the frame.
.....
I get nothing lasts. But why do I have to miss everybody so much.

To be alive is to be missing.
....
Nobody ever says goodbye
unless they want to see you again....

Escape

We all feel the need to escape sometimes. All of us have different points of escape. For some, it is the regular places like home or workplace. For some, or others in different situations, it may not be the regular places but some other physical place where one is at peace. Sometimes it's not a physical space but some other point of escape...a call to a friend, book, movie or some other activity. A holiday.
It kind of depends on what we are escaping from. Some routine, people near us, some task or some situtation. Sometimes it's just ourselves. And then the escape place itself can get kind of lost.
Maybe that's when we go off to "find" ourselves.

Finding your way in this wilderness called life

Sometimes you are shoved in a direction about which you know nothing. You march ahead based on past experience and instinct. You falter, stumble and  get up. You may pause, wondering what would be right. Suddenly you may realize you know what is generally right but don't know what is right in different situations or paths. You may just follow a direction which you like and have followed earlier only realize you don't know the entire way. When one is following, it is not necessary to know the entire way. But when you are alone in a path or suppossed to show the way, it becomes essential. Sometimes you may ask the way randomly and get more lost. You realise that all people don't know the way or the path where you want to head. You realize you even have to be selective about whom or where to ask the way. You can't follow all paths. You may follow a sense of direction where you feel a basic confidence. But somewhere down the road, ultimately you have to chart out your own detailed way. It may get you lost at times, you may be unsure at times but slowly, as familiar landmarks get crossed, one learns how to create the way. You never stop making mistakes but slowly, you learn to trust your instinct and look ahead more than around. Because you know even if you get lost, you can look for a new way. Of course it helps when you know you can still ask for the approximate way when greatly lost. It gives you faith that you would never be really be lost as you embark the journey of exploration.

What strikes you first when you read the above scenario? It can depict different life situations: new parenting, any kind of relationship, changes in career or roles. It could also be a new hobby or even literally exploring a new place. Anything new requires a certain amount of exploration.

Guess the song

When a new project dominates your life such that hearing songs makes you relate to situations funnily....here is one slightly exaggerated version.... lets just say one uses poetic license...but is basically the translation of a song twisted around this project..

Neither is this a gain, nor is this a loss, (ok so that would actually be incorrect !:))
Whether you are active or not, you kind of remain there
You start my days, you end my nights
Don't know why..
But you do...you do...
The Vision ( cvip) is all yours, the calls are all yours
Why you gained this dominance
The "me" time vanished somewhere
Why did it happen...
Whereever I go, you kind of remain there
Through messages, mails and calls,
you kind of remain there
Don't know why
But you do...you do...
During activity and during silence
With teams and during alone time
You kind of  remain there...
Don't know why
But you do...you do...

October Booklist

Book 45: One Minute Manager by Kenneth Blanchard & Spenser Johnson
Rating: 4
An interesting read. A first of this kind of book for me. But it kept the interest. Concise, yet conveys its ideas very clearly. Ideas themselves are sensible and useable.

Book 46: Surprise me by Sophie Kinsella
Rating: 3.5
Falls a little short of the usual Sophie Kinsella books but still holds the readers' intetesr for the entire duration.

Book 47: Malory towers (next gen series) by Enid Blyton.
Rating: 4
Well if one is writing a children's book, there is no better series to use for research. This has the advantage of freshness, similar characters, newer stories.

The 3am club

"The 3am people remain the same, exactly that whenever given a chance"

This is a thought which I found validated recently. After a tiring day, when my baby slept, I was alone at home and could have chosen to get my quota of the week's sleep and rest. Instead I became the younger version of myself whose days would never get completed by midnight and would always need just a little bit longer before going to bed. This night I watched reruns of old sitcoms, read and wrote in my diary and just gave way to thoughts and imaginations. Nothing that couldn't be done the next day ( being Sunday). But there is such a peace during that 3am hour. When mostly noone is awake, there is no rush and no real tasks to be done. The best of creativity sprouts so much easier then when the mind finds its peace. Time kind of slows down and more gets done in those 2 hours than maybe in an entire day. Things just strike sooner!

Maybe the earlyrisers feel the same way about early mornings but morning would ultimately involve the opening of a day, getting into the rush soon while 3am involves the time before closing of the day...when one is absolutely free for a while.

As the week progressed, a week of shifts,  with just myself and baby at nights, I realised I continued the 3am routine. Somedays I was a little extra tired, most days it was still OK. I realised peopled routines and solitary routines vary. Sometimes you need regularisation just by example to follow usual life norms. Because we 3am'ers don't and can't somehow. Not on our own. Not by default.

September Booklist

Book 41: Allegiant
By Veronica Roth
Rating: 3.5
The series has many unexpected twists but it becomes much darker than expected and somehow seems less in sync with the rest of the series.

Book 42: The Babysitters' Club ( 2 books in the series)
By Ann M. Martin
Rating: 4
Light, fun and good read anytime anyday.

Book 43: Nancy Drew books ( 5 books)
* The emerald eyed cat mystery
* En garde 
* Swami's Ring
* Ice cream soda
* Intruder
(Nancy Drew by Carolyn Keene )
Rating: 4
Nancy Drew books are always fun, light and good reads. The best kind of stressbusters.  Good to read when life is rushing and there is less time or energy to focus on something heavy.

Book 44:  Here's to you Rachel Robinson by Judy Blume
Rating: 3.5
A sequel to an old favourite. It gives an interesting perspective not only to teenage life but also to family life and friendships....the weird and the wonderful!

Life's queries

Sometimes it feels like life should have a master  answer book where we find answers, actual true ones to each of our queries.

What is right varies by opinion and situation of course but sometimes one just wants to be validated or be given a direction. A map with a big HERE marked. "This is where you are and this where you are suppossed to go". Of course we may still not follow but it would good to know what is right.
So here are some random questions:

1. Where does selfcare end and selfishness start? How much individuality is OK for parents to have? How does one know which side of the line one lies on.

2. In priorities, what is more important? What one does currently or how it impacts the future? Should we live in the moment or plan for the future? When and how does this vary?

3.  Everyone talks about work family balance. I would add a third factor to it...individuality. However, how often is that balance maintained? Mostly the pendulum just keeps swinging. It's not something to be chosen because both peak in their requirement at the same time. So it can't be a choice, each choice would involve some amount of regret. The question is, is it a necessary choice or a struggle of balance. Is there a third way?

4. Human nature is such that it wants to be quiet when there is too much chatter and yet when all is quiet, it gets eerie. Ok, even I don't know the question in this.

5. How do people know what they want in life. 5 years, 10 years. How does one know what is good will remain good. Or that it won't seem less good because another path was equally appealing. On equally appealing cases, how does one choose a single so as to not regret it later. When one goes along a path for long and gets diverted midway, what is to prevent them from wanting that path back again when it is too late. Is it too late ever? I guess it would be sometimes.

6. When we stretch ourselves a little, how do we know whether it will make us grow bigger or break us?

7. How does one know when one just needs to hold on a while and wait for things to get better and when needs to take action because waiting will not help.

8. When is it right to say a no? Is it actually right? Somehow my instinct is more towards a "no" to mostly all no situations. One approach is to say yes to life's experiences. Another is to say no because you are sure you only want certain experiences.

More than a post, this is just a collection of queries.
Maybe they are questions based on qhich we "Discover Life". Maybe when time is right, somehow we would just "know" the answers.

August booklist

Book 35: How to fall in love
By Cecelia Ahern
Rating: 4
A reread but a good one. Worth coming back to.

Book 36: Divergent
By Veronica Roth
Rating: 4.5
An amazing book with refreshing concepts. It's fast paced enough for the reader to not let go and enthralling enough to jump to the next book in the series.

Book 37: My not so perfect life
By Sophie Kinsella
Rating: 4
Another worth rereading book. It talks about the difference between the depicted and actual worlds in the age of social media and its pitfalls.

Book 38-39: Babysittersclub..number 81-82
By Ann M. Martin
Light, fun read.

Book  40: Insurgent
By Veronica Roth
Rating: 4
The series is well carried forward ahead.

ज़रूरी नहीं

हर सज़ा के लिये कुसूरवार होना जरूरी नहीं है,
हर खुशी के लिये किसी  मुस्कराहट का उमीदवार होना ज़रूरी नहीं है ।

हर रौशनी के लिये सुर्य की किरनों का हकदार होना ज़रूरी नहीं है,
जिन्दगी के उतार चढ़ाव में, हर मोड़ के लिये तैयार  होना ज़रूरी नहीं है ।

Translation:

It is not necessary (but happens)

It is not necessary for every punishment to be due to some direct fault
It is not necessary for every happiness to have ownership of a smile.

For (receiving) every light, it is not necessary to be entitled to sun rays,
In the ups and downs of life, it is not necessary to be ready for every turn.

Explanation:
Everything that we experience or feel need not necessarily be sourced back to ourselves, our actions, reactions or even our own emotions.

Conversations or the lack of them

There are different types of conversations we have with different people. Most conversations, unless urgent, are a kind of catching. In some cases it could be for years, months, weeks, days or even just hours. Some are actually conversations while others just fizzle away.

The conversations after years and hours are specific cases. But here's the thing about the rest. They may or may not last beyond the first two sentences. Here's why. Consider the most common scenario...

A1 talks to A2 ....
A1: Hi, how are you? How's life?
A2: Hi, I am fine..all is good.
What about you?
A3: All is good here also.

And the conversation  or any chance of a meaningful conversation is bound to end a few minutes after that. Just because of a few missing words. What A1 actually means is "what is the most interesting aspect of your life since our last conversation?". Since A1 misses asking, the meaning is either not conveyed to A2 or more likely the inclination to talk is not conveyed.  A2, as a result, closes down. The other possibility is where A2 continues with the knowledge and assumption about A1's inclination and continues with the conversation as if the right questions had been asked and shares relevant details, experiences, viewpoints.
A sharing which starts at one end is likely to continue at the other end.

Of course this assumes there is an inclination to talk on both sides which has not been clearly conveyed.  Lets thus stop asking "how's life" or at least replying by an "all ok". At least regularly.  Lets take our pick from the plethora of life's interesting topics!

The guilt of the bystander

I am the bystander
I see all, I hear all
But in actions I did stall

Sometimes you see an unfairness
And keep quiet you do
Sometimes you analyze and realise
Your control over the situation is none

So what does one do there?
Close eyes to what is true?
Or speak up without fear
Knowing changes it brings about are none
Or cloud eyes with guilt and tears
While actions you take are still none...

Sometimes there is a need to take a stand
Just to speak up, say aloud  that " 'tis was wrong"
Knowing it doesn't solve matters
For in absense of it at all
One experiences the guilt of the bystander

One wonders how valid it is...
Is it the same as the wrongdoer?
Or less simply for lack of action?
Or nullified for lack of possible result of any said action?
The guilt that eats away the bystander

July booklist

Book 31: Granny Dan by Danielle Steel
Rating: 4.5
A fabulous story which emcompasses different aspects of life: ambition, love, strife, war and family and maintaining balance. It so well depicts that life goes on and it should, no matter the circumstances.

Book 32: Who moved my cheese?
By Dr. Spencer Johnson
Rating: 4.5
Came back to it recently in an hour of need and it was yet again as helpful. Sometimes we need to go back to basics and understand that we have to accept changes, especially when that is the only actionable possibility.

Book 33:  The murder of roger ackroyd Agatha Christie
Rating: 4
A chilling one! The end was actually completely unexpected.

Book 34: Medical Romance : A family Christmas by Josie Metcalfe
Rating: 3.5
A calm, soothing everyday kind of romance novel.

Does writing also come with age limits?

Ok, here I am actually looking for answers. Does writing, especially poetry writing peak and ebb at certain ages? Does poetry ....free flowing only come with unrest? Maybe once you get out of the typical teenage unrest, it ebbs off? Or maybe it just requires more nurturing after that, just like any other skill.

Do words flow in all ages? I recently noticed that I seem to go back to, agree with and appreciate old poems more than write new ones. Ideally one is not suppossed to like ones own old writings and we don't for all cases but yes I do like to look back at them. Or is it all I can do because new words are difficult to flow?  New poetry is difficult to come even when inspired, even though words are not. Maybe there are stages in life to write and stages when just reads. A third would not be a possibility a writer or a reader could imagine with ease.

Does daily life make one too mechanical for it? Can one become too busy living life to observe and record its vagrants?  Or maybe this just a writer's block speaking...lets see.
What I do know if it can't go away completely, words do come back though the medium and level of inspiration may vary.