I miss good conversations.
I miss carefree times.
I miss times when I didn't have need to personalise my blogs so much.
I miss the times when there was no need to tell anyone that you are blogging but they would themselves comment instantaneously.
I miss the security of having a set career. Eventhough I don't doubt my decision.
I miss a lot of things eventhough I have a lot to be grateful for.
I even miss Harry Potter!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
COMPETITION
I love learning , but I hate competition.
Education is victimised by it. It keeps on stabbing your desire to learn and work for the sake of it till you give up. Is there NO way out????????????
I mean does it make no difference that you worked , that you enjoy a subject , that you are honest, that you are sincere -marks are so cruel sometimes . So cold and unbearable. What right does anyone have to tell you that efforts are as worth as a nil when you know its not true?
Is it never going to be possible to just learn and love it?
But well laziness may set in if you have no fear.....
But surely there is a better system of balance possible?
Education is victimised by it. It keeps on stabbing your desire to learn and work for the sake of it till you give up. Is there NO way out????????????
I mean does it make no difference that you worked , that you enjoy a subject , that you are honest, that you are sincere -marks are so cruel sometimes . So cold and unbearable. What right does anyone have to tell you that efforts are as worth as a nil when you know its not true?
Is it never going to be possible to just learn and love it?
But well laziness may set in if you have no fear.....
But surely there is a better system of balance possible?
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Are we Indians?
Did you know that honey is only substance which contains all the life sustaining nutrients?
Did you know that the Western are trying to patent Indian yogic asanas?
Did you know that the green revolution is not all good as its made out to be?
Did you know that we, the third world are still living in akind of colonisation-of the mind?
And why is that?
Our attitude has a major role in it...think of India..
We as Indians have a rich heritage. But when was the last time anyone wen to visit any of th ehistorical monuments? What about malls? Of course the later comes much more frequently in most cases.But peple from all over the world love out monuments.
I haven't visited the Taj Mahal as yet.....even when I told this in my primary school in some other country, people were shocked. They were so much in awe with that place.
What about food habits? We have curries, we have roti. We have so much variety in India. Go to Dilli Haat if you don't believe me. And our native Indian food is actually most balanced and healthy. Yet we today believe more in "fast foods". Why? Its "in".
Why are we trying to import diseases?
What about clothes? Today when Indian women wear Sarees people call them "of the old generation" , when girls wear Salwaar Kameez , they are called "Behenjis". Yet there is more style in Salwar Kameez and more "hotness" in Sarees than in many dresses. For one, we have more color and pattern variety. For another, in winters we do not need an extra scarf...dupatta takes care of that. Jeans , what people may like them for are ultimately mostly just same old blue.....
And what about Indian boys? Are they ever aware that there are Inidan attires for them? Are they even allowed those in their work places if by rare chance they felt like it? I have my doubts.
What about Indian medicinal values....yoga, ayurveda?
The benefits of Indian herbs which the West often calls "weeds" and mostly we hesitate not in this.
Charity begins at home. If we don't value oursleves. Noone else will either
Environmental Ethics , a ndtv discussion and a midnight discussion forged my mind in this direction.
Did you know that the Western are trying to patent Indian yogic asanas?
Did you know that the green revolution is not all good as its made out to be?
Did you know that we, the third world are still living in akind of colonisation-of the mind?
And why is that?
Our attitude has a major role in it...think of India..
We as Indians have a rich heritage. But when was the last time anyone wen to visit any of th ehistorical monuments? What about malls? Of course the later comes much more frequently in most cases.But peple from all over the world love out monuments.
I haven't visited the Taj Mahal as yet.....even when I told this in my primary school in some other country, people were shocked. They were so much in awe with that place.
What about food habits? We have curries, we have roti. We have so much variety in India. Go to Dilli Haat if you don't believe me. And our native Indian food is actually most balanced and healthy. Yet we today believe more in "fast foods". Why? Its "in".
Why are we trying to import diseases?
What about clothes? Today when Indian women wear Sarees people call them "of the old generation" , when girls wear Salwaar Kameez , they are called "Behenjis". Yet there is more style in Salwar Kameez and more "hotness" in Sarees than in many dresses. For one, we have more color and pattern variety. For another, in winters we do not need an extra scarf...dupatta takes care of that. Jeans , what people may like them for are ultimately mostly just same old blue.....
And what about Indian boys? Are they ever aware that there are Inidan attires for them? Are they even allowed those in their work places if by rare chance they felt like it? I have my doubts.
What about Indian medicinal values....yoga, ayurveda?
The benefits of Indian herbs which the West often calls "weeds" and mostly we hesitate not in this.
Charity begins at home. If we don't value oursleves. Noone else will either
Environmental Ethics , a ndtv discussion and a midnight discussion forged my mind in this direction.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Words
Smile,an everlasting smile...
A smile can bring you near to me.....
Don't ever let me find you gone coz that would bring a tear to me.......
This world has lost its glory
lets find a brand new story now my love....
You think that I don't even mean a single word I say
It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away.
Talk in everlasting words and dedicate them all to me
And I will give all my life
I'm here if you should call to me
Such a beautiful song.....and beautiful music to good with beautiful lyrics...
Makes you think though.......whats so good is that its such a pure song.....
There are almost no pretences in it.
People do smile when with loved ones.They do cry if some close one goes far away.
And when things go wrong or when lifes seems to its zing, people do feel like staring anew...with someone who cares....
People are helpless also....its all a matter of trust...they can only try to convince but after a point its only about believing or not.......
People are essentially dependent and needy of love.....that's what is portrayed so deeply here...they do want permanence...to have someone in their life and live happily ever after.....
And hey!I am not contradicting my last post. But I do feel there should be songs for all moods and emotions.And meaningful ones at that. More often now, songs seem to potray a particular situation and lose their generality
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
life-food for thought!
Life is like food..........we all love cakes and hate bitter things but some bitter things can be moulded to be liked...like coffee........
salty things are also good ,adding a spice to life........
variety excites us.........
but what sustains us is our staple diet............if that is wrong nothing will work.........we come back to some kind of stability in staple food.........and we like that
Only tasty food items would not sustain us in the long run but tried and tested rotis will.
Some food items trigger memories......we may no longer like them but they are still special........
salty things are also good ,adding a spice to life........
variety excites us.........
but what sustains us is our staple diet............if that is wrong nothing will work.........we come back to some kind of stability in staple food.........and we like that
Only tasty food items would not sustain us in the long run but tried and tested rotis will.
Some food items trigger memories......we may no longer like them but they are still special........
Sometimes I feel that sadness is the only real emotion. Somehow happiness never seems to touch the heart in the same way as sadness..............
Very much like this song on the movie"ROG"
Nothing is for "sure"
But yet the heart strives for permanence ,solace
hope swims through murky seas of pain
smile looks for its lost reflection
joy enjoys this hide and seek
and what stays is whats inside us
be it trust or fear mingled doubts
be hope or listlessness
be it life or death
and we move along life
our relation to it like sail and wind
...........................................................................
Very much like this song on the movie"ROG"
"Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi
Bechaara kahan jaanta tha
Khalish hai yeh kya khala hai
Shehar bhar ki khushi se
Yeh dard mera bhala hai
Jashna yeh raaz na aaye
Mazaa toh bas gam main aaya hai
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Kabhi hai ishq ka ujaala
Kabhi hai maut ka andhera
Bataao kaun bes hoga
Main jogi banu ya lutera
Kayi chehre hai is dil ke
Najaane kaunsa mera
Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Hazaaron aaise phaasle the
Jo Tai karne chale the
raahe magar chal padi thi
Aur peeche hum rah gaye the
kadam Do chaar chal paaye
Kiye phere tere mann ke
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi"Ultimately all of us are alone and ultimately whatever we runaway from has a way of getting to us.Truth itself is relative.So is trust,love, moral values, responsibilities.........Nothing is for "sure"
But yet the heart strives for permanence ,solace
hope swims through murky seas of pain
smile looks for its lost reflection
joy enjoys this hide and seek
and what stays is whats inside us
be it trust or fear mingled doubts
be hope or listlessness
be it life or death
and we move along life
our relation to it like sail and wind
...........................................................................
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Blogworld
...............................................................................................
Blogging has suddenly disappeared out of my day to day world for a while.......could blame it on cold weather or hectic schedule but then I beleive that we find time to do what we want to do.
But some things and even people are only parts of our lives for some phase.
Maybe for a reason, season or a lifetime- as rightly said in an article I read somewhere.
Reasonal things go away when they have served their purpose.
Blogging had a reason...to give a chance to reach out and express myself as never before.
Seasonal things give joy and may or may not come back.
Blogging gave joy...is it seasonal?
Does it come back and go away as and when I derive pleasure from it?
Lifetime things stay forever and help us in learning and growing through it all.
Is blogging for a life time?Is writing for a life time?
Well it depends...if it helps you grow then it is. Otherwise there is no point in simply dragging something redundantly.
Discovering life started with purpose to share things I learnt along the way. Sometimes it had harsh facts of life ,sometimes it's been dreamy, sometimes optmistic, sometimes argumentative.
I refrained from personal experiences almost completely. Yet it has been a personal journey. Its given me a lot-directly and indirectly. Its made me come to a stage when I no longer even seem to need to depend upon it for outlet to emotion, to exprssion , to recognition. Its seen the ups and downs of my life. Like a good dog. Faithfully. And a dog is a man's best friend. I don't call it a person because its just there and reassuring by being there. The blog in itself doesn't offer solutions. It just listens. Yet it hold a sentimental value. It brings back nostalgia.
Is this a goodbye or is this a new beginning or is this just introspection?
Time will tell..........
...................................................................................................
I feel like a sand...whatever comes , holds mark, changes me in its own unique way and goes away. Sometimes I resist that change but when I don't better I just let it give shape to me.
Blogging has suddenly disappeared out of my day to day world for a while.......could blame it on cold weather or hectic schedule but then I beleive that we find time to do what we want to do.
But some things and even people are only parts of our lives for some phase.
Maybe for a reason, season or a lifetime- as rightly said in an article I read somewhere.
Reasonal things go away when they have served their purpose.
Blogging had a reason...to give a chance to reach out and express myself as never before.
Seasonal things give joy and may or may not come back.
Blogging gave joy...is it seasonal?
Does it come back and go away as and when I derive pleasure from it?
Lifetime things stay forever and help us in learning and growing through it all.
Is blogging for a life time?Is writing for a life time?
Well it depends...if it helps you grow then it is. Otherwise there is no point in simply dragging something redundantly.
Discovering life started with purpose to share things I learnt along the way. Sometimes it had harsh facts of life ,sometimes it's been dreamy, sometimes optmistic, sometimes argumentative.
I refrained from personal experiences almost completely. Yet it has been a personal journey. Its given me a lot-directly and indirectly. Its made me come to a stage when I no longer even seem to need to depend upon it for outlet to emotion, to exprssion , to recognition. Its seen the ups and downs of my life. Like a good dog. Faithfully. And a dog is a man's best friend. I don't call it a person because its just there and reassuring by being there. The blog in itself doesn't offer solutions. It just listens. Yet it hold a sentimental value. It brings back nostalgia.
Is this a goodbye or is this a new beginning or is this just introspection?
Time will tell..........
...................................................................................................
I feel like a sand...whatever comes , holds mark, changes me in its own unique way and goes away. Sometimes I resist that change but when I don't better I just let it give shape to me.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Random rambling
Each phase of life is made up of both sides....good and bad.....we just dwell in memories based on our mood at that time...
What we read affects us......so if you want to change soemthing about yourself , one good way is to read something similar to the habit that you want to inculcate...........
What we read affects us......so if you want to change soemthing about yourself , one good way is to read something similar to the habit that you want to inculcate...........
Happy hols..........
The most musical word in a student's life.......
Usually after the initial few days ,we get bored and start waiting to catch on friends, go back to college......even study!
But sometimes you get so drained out that you just don't want remember any other world except your shell...where you chill completely...be it by partying meeting up friends or being with your family. Or just relaxing ,sleeping, indulging in food, reading ,music,light movies...with hot cups of tea/coffee to tide over the winter....
And some chats with close ones:)
Just perfect...........right?
Blissful.........
Usually after the initial few days ,we get bored and start waiting to catch on friends, go back to college......even study!
But sometimes you get so drained out that you just don't want remember any other world except your shell...where you chill completely...be it by partying meeting up friends or being with your family. Or just relaxing ,sleeping, indulging in food, reading ,music,light movies...with hot cups of tea/coffee to tide over the winter....
And some chats with close ones:)
Just perfect...........right?
Blissful.........
Friday, December 14, 2007
What do you do if you don't know what you want suddenly???Walking along the way, you get so used to the way, that you forget where its supposed to be leading.....for all you know you could have reached your destination but suddenly you don't know where you were going .....it's not as important as the fact that you are no longer travelling alone...won't have to again....as the fact that you like the way.......
But once this security settles in you realise you still need to know where to go or else you will just wonder aimlessly......
I feel directionless, goalless, thoughtless
As in an automata which is stateless
You say that’s impossible,
But it’s true
See it if you want to
I talk but don’t converse
I walk but don’t traverse.
I am happy but empty, hollow,
No dream to follow.
I am content but not satisfied
Wish someone could get all this clarified
There is no question
So no answer
No problem
And so no solution
Bad times don’t break me
But then good times don’t thrill me
Life is a plane
Wish to seesaw even if not rollercoaster again
But once this security settles in you realise you still need to know where to go or else you will just wonder aimlessly......
I feel directionless, goalless, thoughtless
As in an automata which is stateless
You say that’s impossible,
But it’s true
See it if you want to
I talk but don’t converse
I walk but don’t traverse.
I am happy but empty, hollow,
No dream to follow.
I am content but not satisfied
Wish someone could get all this clarified
There is no question
So no answer
No problem
And so no solution
Bad times don’t break me
But then good times don’t thrill me
Life is a plane
Wish to seesaw even if not rollercoaster again
Friday, November 30, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
"There is effort involved in making any dream come true. Dreams are powerful, but only when they’re reinforced by research, study, and effort.If you do the work, you’ll reach your goals."
Usually the quickest way to attain any desire is to pay the full price. Do the work.
.......Chicken Soup
Thus dreams have a price.
If you don't pay it then you are punished.
To bear that required courage.
But nothing is the end of the world.
Usually the quickest way to attain any desire is to pay the full price. Do the work.
.......Chicken Soup
Thus dreams have a price.
If you don't pay it then you are punished.
To bear that required courage.
But nothing is the end of the world.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
PG express .......
No matter what , there is light at the end of every tunnel no matter how dark.
My faith in the above statement has been restored.
This was never meant to be a personal blog but sometimes there is no other way of explaining things except by sharing experiences.
Today I am glad to be part of PG,part of IIT.You might wonder who wont be?Well ask anyone who is there...most will complain. After a while the pressure gets to everyone.
I guess I have seen a lot in this first semester. First it was the emotional challenge of being away from closest friends....changes in life you move to different parts of respective lives is not easy.
Done.It became fine after a while.
Enjoyed my 1st TA experience a lot...enjoyed giving 1st minors,enjoyed all new methods of studying,enjoyed attending 1st seminar from here,winning in freshers,1st dinner at freshers enjoyed esp the way profs talked about us learning,getting tranformed here...felt as becoming a swan from an ugly duckling.
All this time heard complains all around but I persisted with faith...loved being here...loved the environment...
Then somewhere in between I realised things weren't stricking very well always...somewhere in between I lost my rule of "to each his own" and moved onto "share and care"...couldn't help it.
Suddnely I realised attending seminars was a luxury which we couldn't afford with assignments pilling up.....I must say I have always been secretly glad of being "herded" into the seminar hall by one prof who truly believes in knowledge for the sake of it... even in it was an hour or so before my demo!
Then came my nightmare...fibonacci heaps...seemingly a simplistic program...which never turned out that way for anyone...with it came alive my worst nightmares...
I literally lost sleep!
Then came resubmissioon...still not tooo great...
Then came...minor results....
Suddenly forgot why I was here...had it happened by mistake?Could I even think of doing a Phd?Why did I want to?Would get any kind of job at al?Would I fail?Would they kick me out?
Such thought haunted me day and night...
Then came tears and more tears....
Thne came helplessness...
Thne came part2 of that submission..the project..then came loss of confidence...a broken down spirit...3weeks no progress as too much fear.....
What helped was friends...in between even enjoyed staying up till late (night) there ....
being with frineds...having good weekends...the fest...(that was really cool)...wathcing movie in lab!
But the nightmare continued...increasing day by day...became snappy,irritable and "hyper" in short
seeing ppl breakdown after their "demo" when they seem so much brighter is anyday disheartening....
I became terrified.......shaking and wondering what would happen...all I knew was that I couldn't compromise on my values..I would be straight with the prof and own up just how little I had managed to do...
Kept remembering all the worst vivas I had given in my entire life...few in which ppl took pleasure in hurting selfpride of innocent minds.It had hurt then but that time I had a whole class almost backing me ,believing in me.
And now I didnt even seem to have myself on my side.
Tough.
Then the viva started....with general introduction...calmly enough...suddenly I found myself pouring out my fears,even saying" I like the system but don't know if the system will like me"...and felt being calmed by the teacher...being given hope...being told that marks don' t matter...that they just mean that you can learn that much more. The fact that I am here means I am good, I can only getter better...
if I am learning...if I am improving my process of thinking,if I feel that I getting all out of this system then that's all that matters.Suddenly I had hope...I could see my dreams again...I could feel my interest back,my passion back...
Then the actual viva....on confessing that I couldn't do the entire exercise,I found myself involved in a discussion about debugging techniques.And becoming so interested that forgot it was a viva...actually even being able to put forth my points without worrying whether they were right or not...
I went in tears and came back in smiles...after an hour!
Suddnely I am glad I am here..suddenly I know I will make it here and do well also...
And won't try to escape assignments but do them so as to learn and not fear them...
I may have lost marks allocated for particular points in today's viva but I gained back my hope, my confidence,my "selfsufficiency".
The journey continues.....
My faith in the above statement has been restored.
This was never meant to be a personal blog but sometimes there is no other way of explaining things except by sharing experiences.
Today I am glad to be part of PG,part of IIT.You might wonder who wont be?Well ask anyone who is there...most will complain. After a while the pressure gets to everyone.
I guess I have seen a lot in this first semester. First it was the emotional challenge of being away from closest friends....changes in life you move to different parts of respective lives is not easy.
Done.It became fine after a while.
Enjoyed my 1st TA experience a lot...enjoyed giving 1st minors,enjoyed all new methods of studying,enjoyed attending 1st seminar from here,winning in freshers,1st dinner at freshers enjoyed esp the way profs talked about us learning,getting tranformed here...felt as becoming a swan from an ugly duckling.
All this time heard complains all around but I persisted with faith...loved being here...loved the environment...
Then somewhere in between I realised things weren't stricking very well always...somewhere in between I lost my rule of "to each his own" and moved onto "share and care"...couldn't help it.
Suddnely I realised attending seminars was a luxury which we couldn't afford with assignments pilling up.....I must say I have always been secretly glad of being "herded" into the seminar hall by one prof who truly believes in knowledge for the sake of it... even in it was an hour or so before my demo!
Then came my nightmare...fibonacci heaps...seemingly a simplistic program...which never turned out that way for anyone...with it came alive my worst nightmares...
I literally lost sleep!
Then came resubmissioon...still not tooo great...
Then came...minor results....
Suddenly forgot why I was here...had it happened by mistake?Could I even think of doing a Phd?Why did I want to?Would get any kind of job at al?Would I fail?Would they kick me out?
Such thought haunted me day and night...
Then came tears and more tears....
Thne came helplessness...
Thne came part2 of that submission..the project..then came loss of confidence...a broken down spirit...3weeks no progress as too much fear.....
What helped was friends...in between even enjoyed staying up till late (night) there ....
being with frineds...having good weekends...the fest...(that was really cool)...wathcing movie in lab!
But the nightmare continued...increasing day by day...became snappy,irritable and "hyper" in short
seeing ppl breakdown after their "demo" when they seem so much brighter is anyday disheartening....
I became terrified.......shaking and wondering what would happen...all I knew was that I couldn't compromise on my values..I would be straight with the prof and own up just how little I had managed to do...
Kept remembering all the worst vivas I had given in my entire life...few in which ppl took pleasure in hurting selfpride of innocent minds.It had hurt then but that time I had a whole class almost backing me ,believing in me.
And now I didnt even seem to have myself on my side.
Tough.
Then the viva started....with general introduction...calmly enough...suddenly I found myself pouring out my fears,even saying" I like the system but don't know if the system will like me"...and felt being calmed by the teacher...being given hope...being told that marks don' t matter...that they just mean that you can learn that much more. The fact that I am here means I am good, I can only getter better...
if I am learning...if I am improving my process of thinking,if I feel that I getting all out of this system then that's all that matters.Suddenly I had hope...I could see my dreams again...I could feel my interest back,my passion back...
Then the actual viva....on confessing that I couldn't do the entire exercise,I found myself involved in a discussion about debugging techniques.And becoming so interested that forgot it was a viva...actually even being able to put forth my points without worrying whether they were right or not...
I went in tears and came back in smiles...after an hour!
Suddnely I am glad I am here..suddenly I know I will make it here and do well also...
And won't try to escape assignments but do them so as to learn and not fear them...
I may have lost marks allocated for particular points in today's viva but I gained back my hope, my confidence,my "selfsufficiency".
The journey continues.....
Monday, November 19, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
IN DEEP WATER
Suppose a person is learning to swim and swims with some kind or protection or support...maybe a kicking board.Now he has no confidence that he can swim without the board also so has been using it for many months. So feels discouraged that maybe he doesn't have the necessary skills to learn "proper" swimming.
Suddenly one day he is pushed into the water(goes in by mistake thinking it to be shallow) without the board.Now if that is a sea where he can see no shore anywhere near then he may simply freeze out of fear and drown.But if he can see a shore,not very far away, or if he can see a lifeguard coming to his rescue and knows he just has to hold on a while,he will just kick out....and voila!!!(because when he has hope and he knows has to do something for survival ,he will his lack of confidence,and actually he can because he has done so for many months and knows what to do)He will be swimming.
And once he realises that he can swim, he will love it and be happy and never use the board again.
Well this seems to me very much like the transformation from being spoonfed as UGs and in deep water in PGs.Except that I dived myself thinking water to be shallow.
All there is to remember is that the last part of the story is also true.
Suddenly one day he is pushed into the water(goes in by mistake thinking it to be shallow) without the board.Now if that is a sea where he can see no shore anywhere near then he may simply freeze out of fear and drown.But if he can see a shore,not very far away, or if he can see a lifeguard coming to his rescue and knows he just has to hold on a while,he will just kick out....and voila!!!(because when he has hope and he knows has to do something for survival ,he will his lack of confidence,and actually he can because he has done so for many months and knows what to do)He will be swimming.
And once he realises that he can swim, he will love it and be happy and never use the board again.
Well this seems to me very much like the transformation from being spoonfed as UGs and in deep water in PGs.Except that I dived myself thinking water to be shallow.
All there is to remember is that the last part of the story is also true.
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