The winner stands alone....but why???

****Warning : Spoilers ahead****

I think this book took me the longest time ever. Of course, there some that we just discard. In this case, however, I read half and discarded once. And then somehow, got back to it. It held my attention a bit more this time. Its not that its no fast paced, because it is,  it's just that I don't know why it was written. Its too negative. Its interesting because it shows the other side  a serial killer. The guilt, the doubts. But then it goes on to shows his blackness of heart. And why would such a person "win" in the end?

What I did like though, was the background. The author has embedded many gems of thoughts inside a gruesome story. Here are some :

"Normal is
-anything that makes us forget who we are and what we want ; that way we cna work in order to produce,   reproduce and earn money


-making fun of anyone who seeks happiness rather than money and accusing them of lacking ambition


-Standing facing the door in a lift and pretending you're the only person there, regardless of how crowded it is


-Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won't have the energy....(there's a whole list,   have shared the only ones I found most interesting)"


"Experience has taught that people only give value to a thing if they have, at some point been uncertain as to whether or not they' ll get it"


"People forget who they are and start to believe what other people say about them"


"Total power means total slavery"


"We all have a purpose in creation and that purpose is called Love. That love, however, shouldn't be concentrated in just one person, it should be scattered throughout the world, waiting to be discovered. Wake up to that love. What is gone cannot return. What is about to arrive needs to be recognised."


"Even if you're doing the same thing over and over, you need to discover something new, fantastic and unbelievable that went unnoticed the time before"

A talking match

A conversation is like a badminton/tennis match. Except for the rare volleys, one person remains more dominant than the other. One may be more dynamic, pushing their limits while the other just somehow returns the ball back in their court. It's not always that they don't want to, they just can't sometimes.

Its rare to have players in equally good form. At other times what happens is we hear out those with whom we want to talk but don't get a chance. And we talk out those whom we just want to hear but they don't have anything to say.

Looking back, I want to say....

So many times when we re-analyse any situation, we get this "oh, no!" moment when realise to our utter horror, how irrelevant/harsh/embarrassing we were. In a  way it's only the middle one which keeps coming back again and again to haunt. All these moments especially seem to creep up on me when night is old, and yet sleeps creeps out of reach. It makes me wonder how I could have uttered/done certain things. If only that middle-of -the-night clarity had persisted in those moments! 

Anyway, as I remain awake till morn in this night, I just want to apologise to all  those who may have had to bear my wrong-footedness during such moments. 

And for the future, may I reflect more on such sleepless nights and achieve greater clarity of thought. 

dil dhoondta hai yeh kya?

dil dhoonta hai kuch is jahan mein
ek nayi khushi udaasi ke saaye mein
ya koi udaasi is khushi ki chhaaya mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is andkaar mein
Ek umeed ki roshni is kaal mein
Ya ek andkaar is chamchamate ujaale mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is zamaane mein
ek humsafar is tanhaayi mein
ya kuch ekant is bheed ki parchhhayi mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is sangharsh mein
koi raasta is safar ke daldal mein
ya khojaana chahta hai vo isi sagar mein?

The little leaf

I pity the little leaf

Noone notices it, all they see is the tree

The hugely spread tree

With millions of leaves

All overshadowing each other

Yet none do we see

Except for the tree

Who in itself would have hardly any identity

Had it not been for the leaf losing its individuality

It is the little leaf which bears it all

The brutal rain, the scorching sun, the dusty wind 

And still stick to its stem it does

while crying tears of pain

which we see as beautiful dew

Or even after-effects of rain

while the strong tree stands tall

But finally the leaf loses the struggle

Withered, each falls 

In its own time

Till all that is left is the tree

Only then do we see, it is empty

Without the leaf,  its non-identity.

Nature is blissful :)

                                                                                                                                            

                  

 

       

                          

                                                                        

                                            

I am lucky enough to take this kind of walk everyday:)

It's enough to fill ones heart with gladness!

PG Express 3

It's now time for another PG Express (5) but as I scrolled through earlier posts, I saw this, and wondered why I never posted it. Maybe I got burdened by yet some more stress or maybe wanted to add more into it but forgot after a while but anyway, here it is, short , incomplete even but that's how life was ..almost two years earlier. Wow! Has it really been that long? If I hadn't checked the dates I could well call it few months ago. Maybe that's why this has been waiting (you know, I posted another PG Express in between, which should ideally be because this one still got left out ), because despite all the changes, life remained same in some weird way throughout this  : "PG Express 3".

"Seems a long time since I wrote the first PG Express, yet it's not exactly because time has been slow or boring. It's just that it's been long in terms of experiences gained and in terms of changes.


From the time when I wanted to escape from here to the time when I felt insecure leaving this second home....certainly come a full circle...


It's been full of highs and lows...successes and failures. What has been constant is learning to work. And that too "group work"! That means knowing when to put in efforts and when to withdraw. It means days of frustration that you know nothing and guilt of letting the other person work. But it also means days of frustration when you do all of it and you wonder why. A good work-partner certainly makes life easier. To be able to shout at each at midnight after a submission and to be able to tease each other it next day shows the strength of friendship and understanding.


Work also includes "leadership" and the ability to handle deadlines and pressure. It means "people management " also. "

....but most importantly, it means how to handle "self" also.But more on that in the next Express.

It's nice to be imperfect

So often we hear people say "Noone's perfect". I guess till recently, I never really gave it a second thought. Until a conversation with a friend. We all have our weakpoints, some which we may have struggled with all our lives. But what I realize now is that it is ok to let go. Stop the struggle. Accept yourself. You aren't perfect but that doesn't make you bad, despite your vices. 

After a while what happens is that people close to us get used to it and accept it all. It no longer bothers. Maybe it's time we let it stop bothering us also. There is no crime in being imperfect because all of us fall in that category.  Nature isn't perfect. But it's beautiful. Look closely at flowers, they will not be exactly symmetric, the trees also have their "fall",lines on our handprint are crooked but we made palmistry out it.We don't mind any of that. Then why mind our own nature especially if it doesn't adversely affect the world at large?

Minor skirmishes would always be there. If there was no noise, what would be the fun in image/signal processing?:)

The most excruciating seminar ever...

The ingredients and process follows...

1. Your worst subject
2. Some old weird accented guy
3. No general type of topic seminar, instead lots of nitty gritty, equations and the depth of them! 
4. No applications.....! Just your wondering mind with questions like "why are we learning this".................and a little later..........."how much longer"

..............a little later "my watch must have stopped!!!!!how can it still be just 2 minutes????????"


and a LOT later "well! It has to end in 5-10 minutes"



.............................30 minutes later ....................."How can a one hour seminar last 1:20mins????What they trying to do? Kill us???"



And at the end of it.................."I need to kill someone NOW ".

By the way, the seminar didn't end even after 2 hours!

Love is magical

I think this is term which everyone has tried to define but noone actually can. Because we all interpret in our own unique way. And maybe there are no words to actually describe this emotion. One can only feel and understand it. But it fill life. It completes us. And acts like a security blanket which a kid likes to carry everywhere with it. I am sure many of have been through a phase in childhood when we had/wanted something  which would always stay with us or maybe an invisible friend to talk to always or an angel/genie  to look after us. We forget this as we grow up in a life of disappointment and with time, most of us lose faith in magic ever co-existing with life. Until suddenly, one day, if we are lucky, there comes someone who loves us and reminds us of that childhood dream, who fulfills it. And the world is magical again! And there starts our second childhood. No, not old-age but love. Love makes us see life again through childlike wonder and zest. Love makes us believe in magic.

Love makes us believe.

Blogging in happier times

Why is so hard to write in happier times but one can't stop writing when upset?
I guess it's easier to write when you are miserable and confused rather then when things do work out for once. But why???

I want to write a nice and big post even though I don't know what's it going to be about. Well, lets see if I am able to. Blogging has become so scarce these days! These was a time when posts would just flow through my keyboard but now that's rare. Maybe it's because one tends to think and reflect less when there no despair. Or maybe one feels afraid of being thought of as "gloating". Or maybe it's just sheer laziness. I mean there is physical need to write when upset because you need to find a logical conclusion/a sounding board/ a distraction. Whereas there do come times in your life when well, you need nothing really and you are actually content. This is when dreams come true and before you get ready to chase after some more.

It is quiet, peaceful place to be in. Very much like the sunshine,a warm comforting bed after a hard days work, chocolate, a lovers arms, a baby's touch....

:)

Life’s joys today remind me today of its twisted journey so far

So many sweet dreams lost along the way

Some so jeered,

Some were cheered but crashed anyway

And some just faded away

A heart that refused to give up

A will that faltered but never gave way

Eyes that refused to throw the rose tinted glasses away

A child who dreamt along falls and tears

Triumph comes to them for now God has banished all their fears!

"After all, I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures,  following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.":) (Anne of Avonlea)

It is only after the rain that you see the beautiful rainbow, cherish it:)

Life is seesaw

Life is seesaw, full of ups and downs.
God gives us dreams, God gives us the will to fulfill them.
God even makes them come true.
Why then  is the world not always a beautiful place?
What goes wrong?
Even after experiencing miracles, common stuff hurts. Why???
Do we expect too much or is this just life?
In short, is happiness really not supposed to last or are we supposed to make a greater effort to ignore those skirmishes?
But if we try to ignore them but telling ourselves that they do not matter, are we not lying to ourselves? Isn't it better to be true to ourselves rather than ignore our feelings, our very nature?
Does truth end where optimism begins?
Is there even a line between the two?
Once an optimist now finds all this very  hazy.

Oh what a beautiful day!

The bright blue sky, the fresh green grass, bright sunshine and the cool playful breeze
new flowers cropping up everywhere, the chirping birds, the squirrels nibbling along the way
.....oh what a beautiful day:)
It's sheer bliss to be around such weather and to have the time and freedom to enjoy it.....
to it add the sparkle of beautiful company and there's no greater joy on this earth.....
Oh! I so much wish to compose a poem out of this but can't get anything right now.....maybe later...
For now lets just enjoy this song:)

Let us not let the bloggerworld die

In the recent times, blogging seems to be fading out of our lives. Even for the most avid bloggers of some time.

The social networking sites seem to be killing the bloggerworld. Or is it us? Maybe the fast pace of life is getting to us. So we just like to post weird status messages and play mindless games instead of really thinking and sharing thoughts. This is not for blaming anyone, I have also been part of the same race. But after a while it gets to you. I personally miss blogging and more so the bloggerworld. 

It was like a sea of knowledge and we collected a few shells here and there. And sometimes threw some of them back which others collected after the waves has cleansed them. Those were precious. Now they are like mementoes as the sea dries away.

Maybe all that is required is a droplet by all.

Blogging provided an outlet, a way of introspection, a way of sharing. Its been a great companion, this blog. Through the hectic exams, the weird moodswings, the soulful discussions, the fun and playful times, its just been great to have a piece which expresses that state of mind. And to see the readers response to it...sometimes it just gives whole new insight!

Basically to have such a space which is your very own is very very special. Try it. Especially for those who have written and stopped or have been thinking of starting to write or want to write but have "no ideas". You don't need ideas. They come as you get into flow. And till they do, don't worry. This is not a space where people judge you.

So long live bloggerworld!

A new year....as everyday life continues to be a new kind of miracle

A new year is a time to start on a clean slate. A time to learn from  the past follies and mistakes. A time to reflect upon them and move ahead.
And I really used to rejoice in that.
Yet this time, I don't reflect, I don't analyse. I just accept .
I don't want to move ahead. I want revel in the moment. And re-live it again and again.
Life was scary and suddenly , like a miracle, it all worked out.
And I didn't dare wonder why.
Because it seemed something like winning a lucky draw. But as I think about it now, I feel it was more like the feeling a stonecutter gets when his hundred blow actually works. A consistent effort, even if little, does yield results eventually I guess.
Life never stays perfect of course and I still have my share of ups and downs, but it's different now. Like I know that it DOES work out in the end. Like after witnessing a miracle.  Emotions swirl but there is a kind of fearlessness that stays.


There is also a pang as this year I experienced the fragility of life and loss.


I could very easily say that this has been the biggest year of my life. In so many ways it's true. But I also know each of those earlier years was special  and enriching in its own unique way.


Maybe that's all life really is. A bundle of experiences for us to learn from.


Ohhh! My blog will get boring if this is all I keep writing about!
But hey! I know there are going to be million new and very interesting experiences(and thus reflections) this year and I am looking forward to them and learning from them, sharing them.For now though, let me remain in this inertia.


A very happy new year to all.

The best

This poem may not be a great work even by my standards but it's special as it is reminder of the fact that dreams do come true and life really is beautiful.

Give the world you best

And the best comes back

Oh it really does!

And many folds at that!

God brings such joy  to our lives

that repay it we must says the heart

But “how to do so” wonders the intellectual part

An answer so simple that lies right before us, it does!

“Give my people what I give you”

Says the Great Almighty.

And you will have done your part

And so spread the joy as you move along in the path

And bliss will abound your heart, your life, your eternity

The world is one big Christmas tree with gifts ready for you to reach out

"If you give the world your best, then you will get the best of the world."

Well I believe this.Dreams do come true. I know I have said this before also but it requires special emphasis because when we are struggling, sometimes we have nothing except faith and passion. It's like this statement

"It's really hard to wait on something that you may never happen but it's even harder to give it up when you know it's the only thing you ever wanted".

And I was always a firm believer  of the Alchemist theory of the world conspiring to give you what you really desire. I believed when I didn't know. But now I know.Now I have seen it happen. And so I want to share the faith and hope with all. Miracles do happen in this world.

Basically each individual's life is like a puzzle. We come across pieces with experience.Some pieces don't fit and we throw them out. But some are pieces like treasures, to dear to let go. And we keep them in hope that maybe some day they will fit together. And YES, that happens. There comes a day when the pieces with you all come together  to form a beautiful picture.Live in that moment. Take a snapshot of it. Cherish it! And when next time,  you see more beautiful pieces, you will have this snapshot as proof that someday somewhere, even those pieces will fit.....

Chal pade magar raasta nahi........

Such beautiful lyrics exist in this world that at times being an observer seems as delightful as expressing something yourself:

"Jaayenge kaha sujhta nahi
chal pade magar raasta nahi
Kya talaash hai kuchh pata nahi
Bun rahe hain dil khaab dam-ba-dam"

Reminds me of "ab yahan tak aa gaye hain ab kidhar jayen..."

Life is beautiful !
God performs miracles.

Words are like time capsules. Give hope to your words today and sometime in future, they will come back to reassure you

Words

Words are like time capsules. Give hope to your words today and sometime in future, they will come back to reassure you

Ae mere dil kahin aur chal....

Sometimes even words of others are enough, nothing more need be added.

Golden cage

It's an old painting
The bird in the golden cage
It's an old concept
That humans, we age

But maybe, unknown to all
An invisible strand binds them both
and realise we do when we fall
that life traps us too

Like the cage, life is unknown to all
Like the cage, it glitters oh so golden
But as drawn to it we are more and more
Away goes our freedom, no longer do we soar

The bird makes the cage its home
Singing to all, known or unknown
So must we try to bring smiles as we go along
For only then do we deserve our feed

Yet with time, the bird continues to strive
To soar and again to its home fly
While so dazed are we with the shine
That the cage to us becomes the world

Until in bliss do we fly
Only to hit its golden walls
And catch a glimpse of the world
Which used to be our home

Some quotable quotes

Some completely random quotes I came across recently :

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired

of doing the hard work you already did.

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

Pride, like laudanum and other poisonous medicines, is beneficial in small, though injurious in large, quantities. No man who is not pleased with himself, even in a personal sense, can please others.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another

person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who

have lighted the flame within us.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.

It's only words....

....and words need not be crosschecked in every trivial thing. Silly mistakes are not a crime in a personal mail/ or even in bloggers world.

(Believe me all writers/editors of any kind will be disagree ....esp if they are the ones making the mistakes!)
Crosschecking can get compulsive in such cases!
I hereby absolve myself from this addiction!

To each his own

At school level I wanted to become a doctor because I felt it was "good" and noble. There grew a conflict when I realized my passion didn't lie in Biology! It took me a while to realize that it does't matter how "great "the task you did is, what matters is how "great " is your completion of the task.

This also applies to choosing a research topic. You may be amazed by the many socially useful projects going on at various levels and wonder why you didn't choose them. But remember this ....
what matters is taking up the topic that you have a passion for.....and then making it great!

Creativity always finds its own use....incidentally I learnt this through an Archies comic for the first time! Just goes to show that you can find nuggets of knowledge whereever you look.

And the PG Express continues........

What to pack before you set forth in your journey as a research scholar

What you should have........

1. Passion- to learn more than to succeed
   
2. Confidence in yourself
   
3. Persistence
4. Support system of people who have faith in you
   

And some others.........

1. Support of your guide
2. Trust towards your guide
3. A topic!

But these are common, lets move onto the fun ones which you should "pack" much like a first aid kit for a trip of wilderness :

1. Your favorite "failure poem" or rather motivating poem.Mine personally is "Don't Quit"
2. Support system of people who are willing to listen to you throw weird ideas at them of which they have little understanding esp at odd times....in the middle of the day (when all are working) or middle of the night (of course that's when it "strikes" us)
3. Motivational songs -the more dramatic the better-may they make you laugh at the minisculinity of your failure
4. A creative hobby for your emotional outbursts
5. Some stupid FB game which you play while "waiting" for your code to generate results or your brain to generate ideas!
6. A fellow research scholar for constant reassurance that you are not "the only one".
7. The key to your lab........few will understand this :P!!! (Yes, I do mean literally)
   

Whom to trust

These days it is common topic of discussion about the extent to which we should share our information in social networking sites for anyone to view. Who would want to know your everyday details? Is it correct to do so?And is it even safe?

But there is a greater question. Whom to trust. In today's age openness has increased and with that we have put our guards down. We rarely hesitate while talking to people we meet everyday. We feel "what is the harm ?"And then get let down. Maybe it is time we think before sharing information. In many cases, it may not really harm us. But does everyone really deserve to know your personal information if they don't care? I would say not.

After much reflection, I revert to the old fashioned view of not trusting easily. It takes time to build.

This can also be adapted in the following manner :

"Don't share information with people whom you don't trust/like completely what you won't write on a social networking site. It may not always information which would devastate you if leaked but even the soft beautiful innocent secret thoughts."

Commonwealth Games-Show a little loyalty

I think people need to give India a break. I am especially tired of Indians cribbing about our corruption and lack of resources and of people making predictions that CWG won't work in India. Some have even started talking about banning the games internally. I think they should sit and down assess their souls. They lack loyalty. If you haven't got loyalty, you have nothing. No matter what happens within a home, you don't go about slandering your home. So why do it to your nation? What is the media achieving by creating more and more doubts in everyone's minds? It's almost as if celebrities find this an opportunity to cash even if by creating negativity. If they want cheap hype they can do so AFTER the games. At least it won't affect the country's reputation internationally.

Whether the games are a success or not is besides the point.The unexpectedly long monsoons at least are not anyone's fault.But why can't they give everyone a break and just have faith, infuse optimism. Try to find something positive. Surely they can find something. There have been a lot many improvements everywhere. Why not concentrate on that for a change????????

What to do when sick and in bed

I know I have written for a long time...been ill partly (just a persistant kind of viral) and then had lots to catch upto. But while ill, I realised one thing, it's boring! I mean no matter what the problem is, if you are unwell and need to stay in bed, after sometime the biggest problem is passing time. In some cases, this can be a short duration, in some though, it can be pretty long.So here I would like to compile a list of what to do's and would love others to add to it in comments. Some are pretty common but you get bored of them easily also.

1. Read :If not a novel then short stories.
2. Movies: Have a movie marathon day and try for a hattrick!
3. Serials: Watch Friends/ any old serial that you have watched earlier. The familiarity will bring comfort.
4. Listen to songs.
5. Take the time to catch upto old friends if can talk
5. In many cases, sounds just tend to irritate lots. So try msgs.
6.Crib. Everyone needs a good crib if they are in bed for over 10 days.
7. Cry if it helps. You don't need to save it for big occasions. It's ok to have a good cry once ina while for all the little irritations that pend up.
8. Do NOT plan work. It will just irritate more.
9.Think of beautiful scenes, scented flowers, babies,whatever works.
10.Comedy:Even stupid comedy shows will work for one day.
11. Write if possible
12. Plan on fun things to do later on
13. Think up weird healthy dishes which you are allowed to eat and try them.
14. And of course, sleep lots!
15. This is not always possible, but if it is, then go out for a while one day anyway. It won't make you much worse and it may motivate your system to get well sooner.

Leaving rest open for additions....(I know it's very basic list right now)

Which walk do you choose?

Often we wonder why some people work harder for success than others. There is a reason. They want it more. Well some may say that's still unfair, I mean why do they who care more have to also work harder and even face more setbacks? But it makes perfect sense. Because as Emily Dickinson said
"Success is counted sweetest by those who never succeed"
(But of course never is not to be taken literally)
Only those who have earned it can truly enjoy the fruits of success. It won't feel right till you have worked for it. The feeling of self satisfaction will not be there without that. Success may not even be appreciated at times if one doesn't strive for it, knowing its value.

It's like a walk. You can either uphill and then downhill. Or you can walk the plain road, no bumps but no excitement either. To each, his own.

Individuality

Since I have no new thoughts of my own, I will share others':)

This is a chicken soup story I really liked and want to share...it talks about individuality

Mom's Many Hats

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Thanks Mom

By Gail Wilkinson

A child embarrassed by his mother is just a child who hasn't lived long enough.
~Mitch Albom, For One More Day

Most mothers wear many hats. My mother, literally, had a closet full. And, to my great embarrassment, she wore them in public.

Mom adored hats of all kinds -- the bolder the better. She had rows of tissue covered hats overflowing her closet and spilling onto attic shelves. Vibrant red straw peeked through one bundle, chocolate-colored felt from another, and an occasional ribbon or bow escaped the wrapping. Another child might have found Mom's hat fancy intriguing or exciting. Not me. In the small Midwestern town where we lived, practical, plain clothing prevailed. My goal was to fit in. Mom had a flair for standing out.

One frigid winter in my tender junior high years, Mom and Dad came to a basketball game where I was a cheerleader. Parents streamed in the doors, unwinding knitted scarves and popping off woolen caps. They wrangled their way out of sturdy parkas and canvas farming jackets. The crowd was similar -- bland and comforting. When my parents arrived, it wasn't hard to spot them. Mom was sporting a white rabbit fur hat with a leather bill (and it was "Belgian rabbit! On sale even, from Esther Kirk Boutique!"). It snuggled on the top of her head like a woodland creature trying to beat the cold. I hid behind my pompoms, waiting for Mom to find a seat and remove her hat. Nope! Too chilly in the gym -- the rabbit stayed in place all night.

A vacation photo memorializes Mom's favorite summer hat. The picture was taken on a road trip west, and we are posed in a Nebraska wheat field. Mom is wearing an avocado-colored short set that looks earthy in contrast to the waving wheat at our knees. On her head, however, is a bright orange straw hat with a bill wide enough to slice your jugular if you got too close. In the picture, Dad is keeping his distance. That hat thwarted my goal that vacation, of "not looking like a tourist." To this day, Mom sighs when she sees that photo, looks wistfully into space and murmurs, "I always loved that hat...."

Easter, as you can imagine, was the Academy Awards of hat exposure. One of Mom's favorites had a high, hot pink crown, completely engulfed with magenta flowers placed every quarter of an inch. The flowers carpeted the entire hat. Glorious! That Easter marked Mom's only attempt to pass on her hat obsession to my sister and me. She had purchased flower-encrusted headbands for us to wear. My sister and I remember that day as living proof that one's brain can be perforated by headband spikes. We swear that blood pooled on our scalps underneath the celebratory flowers. On the upside, I only have vague memories of the obstruction that Mom's hot pink extravaganza created in the pews that Sunday.

The mustard-colored English Bobbie hat was perhaps the most radical and surely the most embarrassing. Accented with leather braided cord, it exuded an authority that only a woman of confidence could pull off. Lucky for me, Mom was up to the challenge.I did not inherit Mom's flair for flaunting a fancy hat. I still, much like in junior high, prefer to fly under the radar. However, I have grown to appreciate Mom's courage in wearing hats she loved, even if they elicited public stares or groans from her family.

More importantly, I have received the powerful message of Mom's action: "Be yourself. Don't worry what other people think. When people are looking at you, hold your head high. Even if there's a rabbit on top of it."

PS:I sincerely hope I am not infringing any copyrights(it's there on their website)!

Solitude

I have started enjoying solitude....and valuing it...for I know there will come a stage when I won't have any....of course of course I will blessed then to be in that state....

But for now....it's bliss.

And I guess that makes me a geek :(

Friends

True friends are not just those whom we trust but those with whom we share a comfort level. Recently I noticed that we refrain from speaking our words aloud not so much out of fear of misunderstanding but out of an attitude of "why bother? "

I mean ofcourse we should given an opinion if its something vital ,but true friends are those whom we value enough to argue with them even over mundane stuff. Stuff that doesn't really matters to either. It could some stupid movie, some book, one third person, anyone. Mostly neither is able to convince the other about their opinion, but both feel good just to share their thoughts, even about random stuff. That's comfort level.

So if I argue with you, just remember that I value you :)

Life is a huge puzzle. We each constitute but a single piece as we try to find the place where we fit in the best.

Everyday stuff

It's the everyday stuff that we never notice which actually has the power of turning our lives upside down by its absence. Never take it for granted or when it changes, you will miss it without ever experiencing it fully.

............and we are never ever the same again

"Be happy you that experienced the joy. Not sad that it's gone."I was told.

Yet it's tough. Life changes. You lose a lot to time and space. And you wonder if it was better never to have had it at all.
As I think all this, I am reminded of these lines which probably all of you have read in parts in forward or another :

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go... Some stay for awhile
and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.

They help our hearts to see that
the only stairway to the stars
is woven with dreams...
and we find ourselves
unafraid to reach high.

They celebrate the true essence
of who we are...
and have faith in all
that we may become.

Some people awaken us
to new and deeper realizations...
for we gain insight
from the passing whisper of their wisdom

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

All these people have a one thing is common-for at least one moment, you experience a life with them which you never will with anyone else. And probably , never will again. But that moment will enrich your life in some form and so will remain with you forever.

Readers make any writing what it is

Was just browsing over some older posts and realized afresh how good blogging is. It's a treasure of memories and thoughts associated with them. It's a whole lifetime in a nutshell, light kind of way. In some ways it is better then diary.Even the serious parts have a twinkle because mostly we try to generalize them. So the bitter edge , if any goes away. And whats left is what you learnt from that phase of life. Of course the comments make any blog what it is. They teach you, make you think differently and sometimes just give you solace from the "me too"s in them.
So here's thanking of all the fellow bloggers and readers who ever perused this space:)

Research

Research is like living on a lonely island. Sometimes people get stranded on it and there's company. Otherwise there's just you and infinite space.

It's a place where time and tide hurry for no one.
It's a merry but lonely spring turning into a river which makes its own course as it goes along.

It's about having your cake and eating it too. But it's also about the weight gain later on!

It's a life box on facebook. You never know what turns up but you be sure you will some else with the same status update.

It's like being a king who who has no money.

It's like creating news but not reporting it.

It's like making castles in the air and being able to live in them too. But of course they are invisible so no one else sees them.

It's the equator between heaven and hell.

This song also defines it somehow...line by line...

Coding-a form of self expression

Coding is a form of self expression. You have the thoughts, you just to express them in a way that the computer understands.

Change

People say we can get used to anything. But there are many things one would not like to get used to. Or maybe that's how we feel at the beginning of any phase. Noone likes change even if they are looking forward to it. So of course dreading it , find it any unwelcome visitor who refuses to go. With time you could get used to his habits but you don't want to. It's much better to remember that it's a visitor than will go than believe that "this is the way of life".

But even better would be to take the positives out of any change. For example, in case of the unwelcome visitor, you may realize how you don't want to be. You won't want to come to him so you would work better! If that visitor is loneliness, that you might want to revel in solitude. Use it to do all you never got the time to do because as said here about space, it's never according our needs.

Belief

A rose remains so even from a distance
You may not be able to feel its fragrance
but know you do that it exists

Authors of long ago inspire from a distance
You can never meet them
but know you do that on their words, many souls subsist

Success sometimes haunts from a distance
It may not be yours today
But you know come it will someday if you persist

Loved ones are sometimes apart in physical distance
You can't hear all the words, you can't feel the loving touch
But know you do that the love exists

A new world, a new post

OK! So it's been a while! I know I haven't posted anything in a long time. But somehow I also felt as if blogging had got stagnated all around me.

Well I am back now and hopefully with a more regular thought sharing process in my system. The problem is that to share thoughts, you need to register them. But sometimes, you just like to be numb. Not feel anything. Not think anything. It's not always due to pain. It can be sheer laziness.But usually hidden beneath the layers of indifference, lies some kind of fear. A fear of confrontation of our thoughts.

The title is deceptive in this case. There is no new world right now, for me at least. Just that I am going live the old one differently. Like it is said

"We can never make a new beginning, but we can always start afresh and make a new ending."

It's time to wake up! And as usual, whenever there's work to be done, I end up writing. I guess people would call it procrastination but it does help clear the mind. It's like after a long slumber one needs to a cup of tea at least before starting the day.
AND when pulling all-nighters , that becomes several cups of tea. So maybe that's what blogging all about for me. It wakes me up. It makes me see reality as it is before me.

Would just like to add :

Rasta hai lamba
Manzil ka nishan nhi
Safar hai thoda akela sa
Dil mein humsafar to hai
Par ankhon mein uske kadamon ka nishan nhi
Yun to chalte chalte mur sakte hain hum bhi kahin
Manzil milegi har mor par hai ek nayi,
Par kahin aur jaane ki koi chah bhi to nhi

Ab yahan tak aa gaye hain, ab aage bhi jayen!!!

(PS :I know am a bit rusty ...been long.)
BTW, I like this new layout but more than that I like the variety that's been offered by Blogger. It's been fun trying out different types of layouts.

A flutter

Life is really like a book. You may not turn back but your past will never really go away. It will remain engraved in the pages of your life. Sometimes a gust of wind will flutter the pages and take you back in time whether you want to or not. You can only watch it, can't get into it. So it's upto you to move forward again.

The Velveteen Rabbit

Such a beautiful story and makes so much sense in the "real" world also. Here a few quotes from the same...

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit ........"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." (Isn't that what love is about universally! )

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." (so true...at least in case of true love)

"Once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." (Replace real with really loved...so true, love is the greatest beauty ever, so one who is loved is always beautiful)

aashayein

aashayein aashayein aashayein
aashayein aashayein aashayein

aashayein khile dil ki
ummedein hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahi kuch bhi, nahi kuch bhi
aashayein khile dil ki
ummedein hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahi kuch bhi, nahi kuch bhi

Perceptions

There are so many perceptions to life. What may be right for one can seem completely wrong to another.
Wow! It's difficult to actually accept the fact that many times all opposing views can be equally right. But the only person who would know this is an outsider, hearing all points of views.

Life goes on.

Nothing lasts forever

Tan man dhan sab kuch hai tera
Swami sab kuch hai tera
Tera tujh ko arpan
Tera tujh ko arpan
Kya laage mera

Nothing lasts forever though it's still hard to believe this basic fact of life.
It haunts us off and on in different ways as we learn about the fragility of life itself.

Rat Race

I withdraw from the rat race where noone gets time for anyone and everyone just wants to push the other down to outshine.
It's all so pointless when at the end of the long day all of us will lose each other into the same heap of ashes.
From now on I WILL slow down. I will not let this pace affect me. I will not let it make me hyper, "too busy" , angry, self-centered and whatever more it used to.

Kabir- eternal pearls of wisdom

These are some words which may have been heard many times but hold new meaning for me.

Dukh Mein Simran Sab Kare, Sukh Mein Kare Na Koye
Jo Sukh Mein Simran Kare, Tau Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye
[In anguish everyone prays to Him, in joy does none
To One who prays in happiness, how sorrow can come]
..........
If we remain connected to God then we would not lose peace of mind, nor would we be agitated enough to be in anguish. But unfortunately during good times we remain too busy to remember Him. It's only in sadness that we recall this fact ........

Sayeen Itna Deejiye, Ja Mein Kutumb Samaye
Main Bhi Bhookha Na Rahun, Sadhu Na Bhookha Jaye
[Give so much, O God, suffice to envelop my clan
I should not suffer cravings, nor the visitor go unfed]
............
We don't need a lot of money. We just to need to subsist. If we have enough to subsist independently and enough to help anyone in need then we need no more
............

Kabir Man Nirmal Bhaya, Jaise Ganga Neer
Pache Pache Hari Phire, Kahat Kabir Kabir
[Kabir Washed His Mind Clean, Like The Holy Ganges River
Everyone follows behind, Saying Kabir, Kabir ]
....................
Make your nature good. Don't get angry, jealous or greedy. Don't speak ill of anyone. It's not a to ask but it is required greatly.
....................
Aisee Vani Boliye, Mun Ka Aapa Khoye
Apna Tan Sheetal Kare, Auran Ko Sukh Hoye
[Speak such words, you lose the minds Ego
Makes one composed, Others Find Peace ]
..........
It doesn't take a lot of effort to speak nicely with someone., to tell someone that it will be ok instead of blaming them for cribbing. And it gives peace of mind
..........

Kaal Kare So Aaj Kar, Aaj Kare So Ub
Pal Mein Pralaya Hoyegi, Bahuri Karoge kub
[Tomorrows work do today, today's work now
If the moment is lost, how will the work be done?]
............
Never put off anything important for later. You may never get a chance. Adn this is not just for work but anything in life. We get "too busy" for important parts of life thinking we will get back to them later.But sometimes that "later " never comes.
............
Maya Mari Na Mun Mara, Mar Mar Gaye Shareer
Asha Trishna Na Mari, Keh Gaye Das Kabir
[Neither Maya(illusion) Died, Nor the Mind Died, Die and die again People/Bodies
Hope and longing have not died, so said Das Kabir and left ]
..................
We live and die and this continues forever but what doesn't die is hope. Our soul lives on. And that is the essence of being even though the body dies.
..................

Khwabon Ki Ye Duniya Hai, Khwabon Mein Hi Rehna Hai
Khwabon Ki Ye Duniya Hai, Khwabon Mein Hi Rehna Hai
Raheen Le Jaaye Jahaan, Sung Sung Chalna Hai
Waqt Ne Hamesha Yahaan Naye Khel Khele
Waqt Ne Hamesha Yahaan Naye Khel Khele
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Yahaan, Bas Kush Rehna Hai
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Yahaan, Bas Kush Rehna Hai
Manzil Lage Kareeb Sabko Yahaan Pe
.................
manzil pe aakar thame
tab socha to jana ki
kimti the vo raste ke lamhe

Yahaan Sabhi Apne Hi Dun Mein Diwaane Hain
Yahaan Sabhi Apne Hi Dun Mein Diwaane Hain
Kare Wohi Jo Apna Dil Theek Maane Hain
Kaun Kisko Poochein, Kaun kisko Boley
Kaun Kisko Poochein, Kaun kisko Boley
Sabke Labon Par Apne Taraane Hain
Sabke Labon Par Apne Taraane Hain
..............................................and that includes me. Selfishness seems to have a Gaussian membership for an average person.

One doesn't realize it until there's jolt. But even then we are so much like robots that no matter what happens, after sometime we go back to our routine unthinking ways .....and get too busy to live with people. A numbness sets in. There seems to be no other way to live.
Example :Ironically it's often the case that one will be too busy to visit a sick person but not for a funeral.

What should one strive for?

Adult life sucks!
As a student, you don' have to worry about what happens "ahead". Only on how you can make "future" better.
Suddenly you realize this is future. This is your career.
OK , I love what I do. It's what I wanted to do since childhood, it' my dream come true. And STILL I am miserable! And I used to be the optimist!

It's just that you come to a stage of your life when you don't know what is right.

Before you all get impatient, the reason I miserable is because of stress. And stress is not even work related. It's more like finding gold mines after coming a long way in space and time , and not having sacks to fill the gold in...because of administrative difficulties or because your company is too poor to produce that many sacks. What do you do?

1. Leave it?
2. Unclothe yourself to make sacks?
3. Go back and waste time and opportunity

Is there any choice which will not give you stress/frustration?

The rollercoaster continues.....

Again it's been long since I wrote. Well for once there was nothing to write. I am still stuck in the PhD Rolllercoaster. Technically, I took the infinite ride so stuck may not be the right word.To be exact, it seemed as if I am in the down phase of it. But luckily that changes every few days. I make lists of things to do and get frustrated when some of them never get done. But then not everything is within my control even if it is priority to me. I try different things but none work for long. It gets discouraging, then there is a glimmer of hope, my heart soars with it to fall again and the cycle repeats. It's exciting, but it gets a little frustrating to say the least.

What really helped was a conversation I had with a friend. I experienced this saying:

"A friend is someone who sings your heart's song
back to you when you have forgotten the words."
~ David Coppola

.......and it felt great. It helped me realize what was missing. Made me realize that I needed to feed my soul at regular intervals. It's ok to do that. It's necessary to do that.

But the "me time" works only when you are stress free. And that couldn't happen till I had got "proper" work done and not just "everyday" work. Don't ask me the difference!

To sum it up, I took time off to get some work done and suddenly felt whole and relaxed again, at least for a few moments...

Facts of life-Kabir

Kabir gave pearls of wisdom ages ago but they are still so valid...

Chalti Chakki Dekh Kar, Diya Kabira Roye
Dui Paatan Ke Beech Mein,Sabut Bacha Na Koye

Translation :Looking at the grinding stones, Kabir laments
In the duel of wheels, nothing stays intact.

Pothi Padh Padh Kar Jag Mua, Pandit Bhayo Na Koye
Dhai Aakhar Prem Ke, Jo Padhe so Pandit Hoye

Translation :Reading books everyone died, none became any wise
One who reads the word of Love, only becomes wise

Bada Hua To Kya Hua, Jaise Ped Khajoor
Panthi Ko Chaya Nahin, Phal Laage Atidoor

Translation :In vain is the eminence, just like a date tree
No shade for travelers, fruit is hard to reach