PhD -The Rollercoaster Begins

This is going to be a tough. PhD does try its best to turn you into a geek. It's almost like a physical transformation and each day, I see it in amazement and then I revolt!

Let me give an instance. It's been a little over two weeks since I got back from a 10 days intensive workshop. And today I felt frustrated because I haven't done any concrete research till now! It's not as if haven't been working but at the same time it's not as if I have either! There's a lot " extra work" which doesn't really fall under any concrete category. What's weird is how I secretly felt glad and proud to have been given it so I could have a chance to "learn" instead of resenting the take over of my free time.

It's been the other way round. I resent free time in a way. I go out to enjoy and I come back and feel guilty and upset that I didn't give that time to work when there's so much I "want" to do. One (or rather any geek) would wonder why I go out then at all. Because I want to. I want to remain NORMAL and remain ME.

And what I see around me people enjoying their lives. And I realize that I can't just wait because by the time I am out of here , I will be ancient. Already I feel old. Recently I saw a typical MBA group working. In the field where they went so that they could "make noise" and discuss. And that was their assignment. Sometimes that is it. With no exams!!!

And here I snap if anyone gets me a little late. I seem to make life hell for close ones. This is now. What happens later? I see married people giving "home" priority over work. And sometimes I just can' imagine myself doing that. Study is not just work. It's a form of meditation. It's sometimes even sacred. And it takes over life.It's like being married to work. And I feel guilty for what this would do to someone close. Is the only alternative to remain alone? I don't want that.

For a few moments I wondered why I am doing all this. Then I realized..I enjoy it. Hell! Heaven! It's all here. It's my life. It's the only place I belong. I could never exchange it for any amount of "fun" or any high paying job.

But yes, I do also want to enjoy, love and relax. And I WILL.
So..................................
.....................................as minors and deadlines get nearer...............I blog! And look for time management techniques! Maybe the best one is not to think at ALL.

Tag....Five things on my mind just now.....

I am finally taking this tag of Geetika's. Maybe that I will also get to know what is in my mind.
Hmmmm let's see...

1) I want to go out with friends. More specifically, I want one more day to hang out as we did in B.Tech and at the same place. I still miss that.

2)I want to have a week full of good soulful thought-provoking conversations that were "common" when friends were near.

3) I can see things changing. I know they have to. But I wish they won't all of the sudden.Just because I may remain a student doesn't mean everyone else will but it doesn't stop me from missing company.

4) I wana be better. I don't want to hold onto close ones so tightly.

5) I wana really get started with work properly and really get into it(weird!!!)

I tag Taps and Ash.

A new year and a new PG Express

It's been a long long time again. And this has marked a brand new phase in my life.
Yes, I have taken the next step in post graduation.PhD.

Finally all confusions and cryptics end here with this one word which will now define maybe the next many years of my life. It' s exciting and it's scary. At least it's a little less lonely. But that will keep oscillating as people come and people go and I become a fixture in the lab.

If I go in order to list the steps I took/ or life took for me for the past year it would this way:
1)Clarity-Jan
2)Clarity-Feb
3)Confusions-March
4)Confusions galore! -April
5)Action-May
6)Relaxation-June
7)Look busy , do nothing. "Chakkar kaatna"-July
8)Nostalgia-August
9)Independence -September
10)Busy bee work-October
11) Why me work-November
12)All pieces fit in place-December

All this has been followed by "B" part in this this year so far :

B part
1)Relaxation-a week off from the mobile , computer and work in pure fresh air with loads of walk, novels and family time-perfect!
2) Chakkar kaatna
3)Why me work
and moving onto ....
4)Independence at a price.

Wow! No wonder I feel at the end of each day as if I have lived a week! What with an entire months emotions getting covered each day!

BTW HAppy NeW YeAr to all.

My resolutions? Skip top busy bee phase or even work phase!

P.S : I am not a geek , I am not even dignified or "grown up" , I am not brilliant. I even get lazy and am not always hard working.

But I just wanted to do this. I am stubborn, lucky sometimes and very much loved. So maybe that way lucky always.

:)

Hai Khoobsurat Yeh Pal
Sab Kuch Raha Hai Badal
Sapne Haqeeqat Mein Jo Dhal Rahe Hain!!!!!

Hide me :(

Wordless

It's certainly been a long time...again. I guess I just don't have words.
It's like I had taken time off "normal life" for these 6-7 months. And now I am soon going to find out where I stand in the real world. But no matter what the judgment, the experience has been worth it. I have learnt a lot more than I expected. And it's been an enriching time. Some may say it was somewhat like a break. It was in the sense that I didn't have as much stress about everyday stuff. But I probably worked even more than before. I definitely had more responsibilities than ever before. And yet I got a chance to explore life and be spontaneous. And some of those decisions actually paid back well. In other cases, well at least I tried and enjoyed!

I also got a chance to think a bit. The things which would have earlier affected me a lot suddenly aren't as important. Yes I can still be a baby about some small issues but I don't mind admitting what I believe in. I don't mind admitting my weaknesses. At the same time, I was able to assess my strengths.

Just when I need to work the hardest, blogging comes to my rescue like an old friend. Somehow high pressure work and blogging just do go hand in hand.

Well of this is just random thought scrunched up together like my jumbled up hair.
Make sense out of it if you can!

I guess the gist is just "I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference........................................................................
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...........................................................but I don't know yet in what direction!

Fun or the usual ?

A month or so and I feel as if I have ripped myself out of the bloggerworld forever. Strangely enough, there was no reason. Life was the same. Mundane. Well not even mundane because exciting things also happened and they continue to keep happening. But something seems missing. Life seems boring despite changes. After a while, the usual fun activities aren't fun anymore. They become just that-usual. They eat up out time and yet give you no real pleasure. Like watching any series or playing games like "Farmville" or even going out to the same place always. Life needs novelty. Like reading or watching a movie. The good thing is that they end. They don't possess you for very long. Few days at max. But these other activities don't go away. They possess you and drive you away from activities which are actually fun. They eat up your time.

Same way, eating same thing everyday, even if you love it, will make you lose its flavor after a while. And all you will gain will be fat.

Same reason why people generally don't take up their hobbies as work because after a while someday, work will just work. Whereas hobbies will retain your passion because of their very irregularity.

And in the same, people probably tend fear marrying the one they love or loving their best friend. Because as you move from one level to the other, the comfort increases but that also means the passion relaxes into its own comfort zone.

Comfort though does have its advantages but living requires much more. And so does writing. Writing and comfort do not go hand in hand.

Burn your boat

The term burn your boat in crude terms means to take an irreversible decision.
Here are some interesting articles I want to share on the same.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Burn-The-Boats---Finding-Passion-in-Your-Life&id=545736...beautifully said and the para about about being afraid of "them" is exactly I keep saying! Liberating to read it!

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, and then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe .

Very true. Gandhiji also said something thing similar in his book The story of my experiments with truth :
"The freedom and joy that came to me after taking the vow had never been experienced before. Before the vow, I had been open to being overcome by temptation at any moment. Now the vow was a shield against the temptation."

My best friend's wedding

I watched this movie recently but was disappointed by it.They call it a romantic comedy but if people like those can't get together after 9 long years, it's a tragedy.

Think about it

Though we do all we can to stay happy, I think deep down, we find comfort in pain also. We couldn't do without it forever.

To forgive is maybe right but to forget only divine

I have been pondering over this for quite some time now whenever I hear the two opposing views each held equally strongly. One says "I don't believe in forgetting even when I forgive" and another says "Do not forgive if you can't forget".
Which do I believe? Ideally it would be right to forget if you forgive and for a long time I disagreed with the former train of thoughts. But what about learning from your mistakes? When someone wrongs you, you try to learn to guard yourself not just against similar situations but also similar people sometimes. Forgiveness is releasing yourself and the other person from any hard feelings. But trust broken is not always reparable. After the hurt comes the anger and after that again hurt , finally culminating in peace when you don't feel anything much. At that stage it would be criminal to expect a person to forget that their trust had been broken and go back to the same situation. Trust is like the ship of a relationship. Once broken, its drowned forever. You can retrieve mementos to remember it by but you can't mend it. But does that mean that forgiveness itself is not possible sometimes or that one can't forget even after forgiving? I wonder still.

Lazy work days

I don't yet know the future course of action. But I know one thing, life will decide what is best. Sometimes the decision isn't yours even after all your pondering! And it feels right that way also because each piece of work has it's own importance and ultimately can make the most of whatever is given. The important thing is remember youth is for work and whether or not you have external motivation, it is your duty to toil hard. It's just that self motivation is HARD. But trying new activities keeps life exciting and helps at times.

One thing that I have noticed is that I try to get rid of all distractions by giving way to them before getting to work. But by the time that is done, there is no time left for work!!!

Well it's not completely wrong , as it is said " Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first."

OK so now I am confused why I even wrote this post!

Of my dear …

As I come to my abode
I feel pleasure at thy presence again
Thy will be there waiting as ever
Sameness so comforting
Yet outwardly changed enough to be riveting

No matter what storms the day brings me
I know I can come back to thee
No words are required
None indeed are said

As I devour each lanky inch
I consume each part within my grasp
As my hunger satiates and I can only gasp
At the pleasure of consuming thee maggi!!!

Kudos to Kapil Sibal

Kapil Sibal's new poem portrays beautiful thoughts...at the least the man is trying to understand young minds. After attending a few functions in which he spoke, observing recent changes and reading this poem, I feel this man will make a difference. Here's the poem

Please rid me of this awful load
preparing for the class X board

My thirsty mind craves to create
Not have exams decide my fate

My wondrous eyes yearn to explore
Much beyond my classroom doors

My dreams should not be cut to size
Because I hate to memorize

If you test me for brains and guile
Don't have to look at percentiles

Marks encourage one upmanship
a free ride on an ego trip

With textbooks I should start to surf
Inquiringly look for new turf

Walk away from the trodden path
And not invite my teacher's wrath

Solving a sum will help find
Real answers to a questioning mind

Create the space for me to run
Let learning be a lot of fun

"Ab yahan tak aa gaye hain, ab kidhar jaayen?"....again

"Ab yahan tak aa gaye hain, ab kidhar jaayen?"
And the soul-searching continues.............

I don't worry about whether I will get what I want or not but about whether I will choose what I want. No it's not arrogance. Far from it. It's just a firm belief that we get what we really want. The theory has gained popularity,....be it Alchemist or The Secret.

But here the problem is the realization of what I want for the rest of my life. Not for just me, but for any of us going through the transition stage.

Do dreams last a lifetime? Or do they change as we grow? It's actually very difficult when you are at the brink of your dream coming true. You don't know what next. But worst still what if you don't know if it is still as dear? Sometimes it's just fear, sometimes shear laziness. If so you overcome them and move on. If you hear a voice deep inside your heart, just follow it, no matter how crazy. God will lead you then. Some dreams remain embedded within you. Don't lose them.

And yet I wonder is life all about just rushing after dreams? When do we slow down? Is that only to be left for old-age?

A very confusing post indeed, I know!

Aloneness-lonliness-aloneness

Solitude is nice. One who enjoys it the most is the loner. But his journey should not be despised. He has what many carve. Self-dependence. But there are two sides to every coin and one has to experience that in life.

You may think you value your aloneness without being lonely, but you still get used to being around people with time. That time you miss solitude. But when those people go away, suddenly the aloneness that was dear to you becomes loneliness.

The worst kind of loneliness occurs when surrounded by people. But sometimes even that seems better than not having people around you. Living souls are comforting to have as a part of the environment. They don't eliminate your loneliness but they make it less creepy. Yet sometimes they aggravate the situation. They don't understand lonely don't want to be pitied. The only way this helps is you realise you enjoy your solitude more than such favours.

From aloneness to loneliness and back to aloneness. It's a vicious circle.

Nothing lasts forever.

If we actually believed this, we could probably never get through life.

Writing

Read this in the Chicken Soup for the Writers' Soul.

"I have come to believe that there are no new photos and few new stories, only unusual recombinations of things that have been told before. But what is new, and fresh and original is the author's lens through which these situations are viewed. Our gift, and consequently our responsibility as writers, is to view life situations in our naturally unique way and report the truth about their meanings and values to the reading public so they can have fresh insight into the human condition. We are each unique in the universe and therefore, so are the stories we tell."


Despite reading more than 10 Chicken Soup books and numerous storied from others, I can never get tired of them. I especially loved this one. It's freshly inspiring and a "must read" for anyone who is writing or wants ever to write.

Reading Tag

Read an interesting tag idea from here.

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Mark in red against the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog.



1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry -
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Can't believe all I have is 23!
However, now I have an excuse to read more:)
I tag Tapasya, Geetika, Phoenix ,Bhushan and Ash

Finding a match

Read this post of tapasya's
Couldn't resist replying here :

Finding a match is somewhat like finding the correct expensive shoes. You can't rush it and you have to try them on and know you are comfortable otherwise you are stuck with them and can hurt yourself seriously because once you have invested in them, you will be sure to continue using them!

Joy of Giving

This concept seems really interesting. 7 days 7 gifts.Each day give some gift to someone different...something they will appreciate. Doesn't matter if it's big or small or whom you do it for.

Just do it:)
More details on this link : http://www.joyofgivingweek.org/

This is it

This is it my dear friends
The road has a new bend,
It's forked in many new ways,
Scattered we have to move on,
Towards our separate means and ends

Together we cheered
Together did we cry
Moments of togetherness will bond us still
As we picture good old times
Comforting each other as the world jeered

Let changes not set us apart
Be those in the physical sense
Or those of our inner selves
For we will grow in our separate worlds
But we need not part at heart

FRIENDS

Serials are addictive! I mean novels calm you down whereas serials make you hyper. Still we love them. Been watching "Friends" recently. It' over now. At least 200 episodes of it (missed the beginning portions). At first I just liked it for being funny. But gradually I realized it's much more than that. It's about importance of true friendship-the kind in which you really care for each other. It's about actually believing in the happiness of the other even if you aren't part of it, about the beauty of forgiveness- when someone truly needs it, getting someone gifts without you being the giver and lots of more. Basically it's about love-for each other. None of these are new lessons but they are portrayed so realistically that it's not preachy. It actually touches you deep down while making you laugh. The characters are humanistic, not ideal. They are a weird group of people bunched up together by chance and also by choice. They all have their moments of insecurity, jealousy, pain, sadness , humiliation, even anger and manipulation. But they don't stray away from goodness in the real sense because they still care for each other.

I wish it wasn't over. But I am perfectly satisfied by it's ending. That's what happens in real life. We move on. After a particular time, we all have major changes in our loves and our priorities change. But it gives hopes that true friendships never do. They just evolve.

It's something everyone must watch at least once. (I guess most already have, I am late runner here!).

Elasticity

The more I get pushed down, the harder I will come up, like the rubber ball.

Cool

Just loved this!
http://in.movies.yahoo.com/interview-detail/389/2983/An-interview-Celina-Jaitley.html
Way to go!
The reason I like is simply because I don't that him. He's too self-righteous. If all he wants to do is promote Indian culture and if he is really non-materialistic then why is he charging everyone for it? Why not just do it free if his needs are so few?

Movies I watched recently

Two Week's Notice -Sweet and romantic, funny.
Wall E - Worth a watch at least . Good message but first half's a bit slow.
He's just not that into you- ALL girls need to watch this! Really! Shows you some realities of life while is still light
Confessions of a Shopaholic- How far is too far? Watch and find out.I am a read-o-maniac!
Father of the bride I-Really made me understand things better. How true it all is! Can't believe I never watched it earlier.
Bride Wars - Competition exists even between best of friends, sometimes on big things, sometimes on little but in the end true friendship still wins. It's hilarious but still touched me.
Twilight- Hmmm...it's OK. Exciting. Scary to watch at night! Would like to watch the other parts
Marley and Me-Funny and touching. It's about the dog but what I like was the lesson that sometimes you don't get what you want but life makes for it and you love what you get.

Princess Diaries- Watched it again! Courage is not about not being afraid but it's the realization that something is more important than your fears.
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Really like the variety...they all cover some unique part of life and emotions.

I am loving it!At least 20 more to go!:)

The transformation

It was lovely dream of being surrounded by novels until I was suddenly jerked up by my dad saying “Your school friend Nina is here.”
“What??? Oh no!” I groaned. I was barely ready and I had called my college friends over today later on. “How come Nina was here so suddenly?” I wondered. She was supposed to be in Mauritius.
Anyway I made my way out and started getting ready. Said “hi” to her sleepily and went to brush my teeth (everyone says I take hours in that!).
From a distance I was shocked to see her in a "cute pink" dress. Cute definitely never defined. her . 'Hot' maybe
Suddenly she was behind me.Closer up, I realized she was more elegant than ever before. Gone were the short skirts and wild attire. She seemed covered but in a nice way.
“You didn’t even give me a welcoming hug,” she said, her facing crumpling.
I was shocked. “Is this the same girl who used to say I was over-sentimental?”
Little did I know, the shock had just started.
“I wanted to give with you once I smelled better”, I smiled and consoled her.
We started talking. Gradually the purpose of her coming seemed to dawn me.
“I am getting married soon”, she said.
“What????? To Akshay?”, I screeched.
“Ha, that’s funny, especially since he’s had a crush on you since forever”, she said bemusedly but there was sadness in her eyes.
This was all news to me.
“Then whom?”, I wondered allowed.
“Bob Mason”.
“Isn’t he your boss?”
“Ya”
“But you never mentioned loving him. You said was cute and cuddly but not exciting. Since when have you been going out with him?”
“Well we have known each other for 3 years now”
“But do you love him?”
“What’s love? I have been out with a million guys. I thought I loved one but it doesn’t last. At least Bob loves me. We can have a stable life.”
I wondered if I was dreaming. This was one girl whose middle name could be “fun”.
Her funda was to have fun and let go. She always used to tell me I was too uptight.
“Nina, tell me truly why are you marrying him”
“There’s no one there. Parents are in a different country. My sister is terribly sick. She ..she won’t get better. I have no friends there. I don’t want to come back either.” she whimpered.
“Hey it’s ok. It will all be fine just relax”, I tried to reassure her.
“So you are getting married soon”. It was more of a statement. “When?” I was still trying to absorb all this.
“Next month 5th”
“What????”
“So soon? How could you not tell me? What if I can’t make it?” I was hyper again. It was just 2 weeks away and I also realized it was on the day of my convocation. Hmm, it was going to be tough.
“I am sorry. But I really want you to be present. In all this stress I have missed having friends, especially you. You are one friend I truly trust and also my oldest friend. I want you to be my maid of honor. I will delay it if required but it will mean reprinting of cards. At least I haven’t distributed many”
“Of course I will be your maid of honor. Don’t worry about anything, we will manage. Just be happy and relax. It’s my convocation that day but I will with you the minute it gets over.”
She smiled. And with that I bid goodbye to my best friend the girl and wished luck to the woman I had met that day. I didn’t know how right her decision was. It wasn’t for me to question. But all I can say is,
“Life is strange with its mazes and sometimes you find paths you never knew existed. At other times, you back to the paths you once rejected. It takes time to realize it’s ok whatever path you take...they all lead to growth of character.”

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This piece of work is purely fictional and any resemblance to any person living or dead is coincidental.

I can't..................

...................complete at your leisure........

Sometimes it's relieving to be grumpy.

I can't write :(.
I can't ........the list is too long :(
Why do I try? Is it worth loving and trying things you aren't good at? Are you actually any better than those who don't try?

I don't know. I always thought that it's our choices which make us different. There's nothing we CAN'T do. But I don't know.

Answers anyone???

Friendship and sacrifice

"If there was just 1 seat available for a job, would either you or your best friend be willing to give it up for the other if one wanted it a little more but both had nothing in hand?"
"No"
"Then you shouldn't call each other friends. Only competitors".

So many time sit happens, something rattles our very soul because we don't have an answer that particular time. Blog is helpful this way. I would like to answer something a bit similar".
No, I don't believe either of them needs to give up for the other and I don't think either would expect that also. Simply because I don't believe friendship means sacrifice to this level. Not in today's world. To help one another is one thing. To give your time is also fine. But there is a limit beyond which you only do things for family. Because that's where you belong. They represent you. Friends don't, even if that seems harsh to some. So if you are asked to give up something which could hurt your family, even if just feelings-wise, or something which goes against what you feel you are meant to do, then I feel it's ok to refuse. Work is also apart of you, and if you love your work then it would be injustice to yourself to lose out on it.

And I don't believe friendship can't have competition. I used to hate competition. Maybe i still do. But I realize one can't exist without it. But it is possible to have a co-operative kind of competition with each helping the other. In that all can win to some level. But withdrawl is not an option. Neither is giving your best or seizing the opportunity bad. It's only bad when you push someone deliberately. It's also bad when you turn a blind eye to someone who has fallen. But not otherwise.

It's different world. Sacrifice is exists but it need not be unlimited.

Speedpost

Been reading Shobha De's Speedpost. In it , the author writes letters to her children on various issues of everyday life, things she couldn't tell , things to be remembered.

I thought of saying it's not a common novel but then no novel is common. There is at least one person who enjoys and even loves any particular novel.

But this one is a must read. It would do well as a family reading also....hmmm...that's a new concept that needs to be explored....

Here are a few thoughts that I really liked from it (black portions are explanatory, rest is quoted) :


Who cares if you follow social norms at the expense of our loved ones? Nobody does. Then why do we do it?Because we adults are cowards. We get our priorities wrong. We give undue importance to unimportant things. Basically we are fools.

Women are not encouraged to display overt emotions, especially if they are negative - never mind their validity or context. ....i resent the idea that I have to be calm, composed, an angel of good humour at all times ............it's unrealistic.


Do childrens' calls have to deal with emergencies? Can they not be about sharing a small moment, a thought, a feeling? Yes, it's extravagant but for me it's essential to stay in touch and any price is worth that electric charge that I get when, in a strange city at an odd hour in an unfamiliar setting, the shrill of a cellphone nestling in my handbag galvanizes me into action.

I regret that you don't have a dish that you associate exclusively with me.

In my anxiety to keep up with your world.....but I should have invested the same amount of time drawing you into our world, your grandmothers' and mine. Then we could have participated in each others' world more fully, more completely.

It's such a warm, comforting thought to that there are at least three individuals in the world who know you inside out and what's more , accept you exactly the way you are.They have seen you at your worst... Nobody had judged you. You have slipped up, been insensitive...Oh well, these things happen.

How could she possibly know the pleasure of hearing high-pitched voices coming home joyfully, knowing with certainty that their mother would be there to greet them?


You will do fine...even if you a get a little less marks...I want you to look at the bigger picture. To learn to be curious, to be alive, to absorb, to enjoy.

It wasn't the question of defiance alone. I preferred to make my own mistakes.

...how much more fun it is if you're lucky to be married to someone who shares your progress with you, enjoys the journey with equally and is there to hold your hand every step of the way and say 'Bravo' when you succeed and 'Don't worry' when you fail.

Will add more ....this book is one to be absorbed...not just read.

200 posts and going......

It's been a while. No, I still haven't got in touch with myself. Sometimes it's not so easy. When did studies start? School? College? Grad school? At least after two years of "proper work", it's difficult to suddenly realize you are "free". Free from what? The daily schedule becomes a part of you. It difficult to suddenly get to know that you can no longer come your college, that you have no work for at least a few weeks or maybe a month. My friend maybe rightly called it the "IIT withdrawl symptoms". But it makes you feel old. As a child I always used to ask people, when do you finally grow up? Hmmm....maybe never at heart. But here are a few symtoms when you can safely consider yourself grown up in the eyes of the world, whether you like it or not :

• When the average age of crickters is less than yours. (it really came as a shock to me!)
• When your peers start getting married.....a weird nostalgia and refusal to accept the situation will overwhelm you
• When you can no longer delay deciding what you will do for the rest of your life. When you talk of further studies, suddenly people think you have gone crazy. But well that's the one thing I know I like doing and it feels safe. Do people still study just for the sake of learning and instead of career opportunities?
• When you realise you are too old for certain of your dreams. OK so you are never too old but ya, you would no longer be appreciated for a particular mastery.
  
• When you yourself wonder about married life and accept or fear it not as some"maybe" in distant future but as a reality.
• When you worry that you really will never grow up despite your age :( . I mean parents pamper you most of your life and now someday you would be expected to follow those footsteps, be responsible for not just yourself.No more tantrums or sulkings. Be an adult in real life. It's chilling!

Any suggestions?
One thing that doesn't make me feel so is that this is my 200th post :)Long live blogging!

Let me get in touch with myself before I get in touch with the rest of the world....

What a happy birthday:)

As you can guess it was my birthday today.....and what a day!
Generally I avoid writing personal stuff in blogs but this one for all those who have been part of it...especially...some special few ...the fantastic five.............
or......................... the sensational six if I include myself :P

Imagine having a birthday and almost no one wishing you at midnight except ... lets leave it at 'except...' :D
Well that's how it started. It gave me a chance to introspect ...I mean it had never happened before...! The first thing you feel in such times is to hold onto those ones. Sometimes you take them for granted, but at moments like this you realize this, you realize yet again how lucky you are to have them. At least I did. And I realized yet again that happiness is actually only defined because you can share it.

The next thing that came to mind was guilt. Birthday to me reflects how much people value your presence. This particular semester has been a whirlpool of activities ...on family front...in more ways than one!, sickness front and then catching up on work later on.......and somehow with all that, I didn't or couldn't give too much time to friends. ..I was there yet I wasn't there! I of course planned to change that soon....

Friends provide a support system, without which, at some level you do fall. And it's a system, not one or two but all close ones matter. Maybe the level of closeness is different but each is special and very much required in their own way.

Well to cut a long story short, I learnt my lesson but the day turned to be all I could have wished for and more! I was surprised and pampered and well my birthday turned out in a way that was just completely me ....during thoughtful efforts of all mentioned above:) I mean it was a celebration which would have made me proud if I had thought of it...and yes I love planning out suhc things....but it's an entirely different feeling to get your kind of thoughts getting implemented on you:) The personalised touch, the surprise factor, the beautiful gifts...and great company...just perfect:) A scrapbook containing special photos and comments and thoughts from friends...well it's a treasured gift... an almost sureshot lift-me-up any down or doubtful moments.

And yes, I got calls from all I expected during the course of the day .....was specially touched by the conversation shared by a very old friend....sometimes you grow apart and have almost nothing in common except history and still that's still enough.

.........and was treated like a little princess and loved like a child at home ! And home is also where the heart is...if you get my drift :)

You busy?

"The time to take the time is when you don't have time for it."

Agree 100 percent. And we always do manage to take time for things that matter to us...sooner or later. We don't find time, we make time.

Jaane Kya Sochkar Nahin Guzra..........

Beautiful song.........


Jaane Kya Sochkar Nahin Guzra
Ik Pal Raat Bhar Nahin Guzra

Apni Tanhai Kaa Auron Se Na Shikva Karna - 2
Tum Akele Hi Nahin Ho Sabhi Akele Hain
Ye Akela Safar Nahin Guzra
Jaane Kya Sochkar Nahin Guzra
Ek Pal Raat Bhar Nahin Guzra

Do Ghadi Jeene Ki Mohalat To Mili Hai Sabko - 2
Tum Bhi Mil Jaao Ghadi Bhar To Ye Gam Hota Hai
Is Ghadi Ka Safar Nahin Guzra
Jaane Kya Sochkar Nahin Guzra
Ek Pal Raat Bhar Nahin Guzra
Jaane Kya Sochkar Nahin Guzra

Sometimes listen to what I say not

Sometimes listen to what I say not
Sometimes feel what I dare express not
Sometimes stay when i say go away
Sometimes persist when I say "leave it".

All is not easy to say
I fear being brushed away
Deep within me lies a curse
A curse called dependence

Accept it i you can
Don't ignore it
Free me from it
And I am yours

Not an easy I task I agree
But who can do it but a genie
Set me free
Either release me from its bond
Or release the bond from me
Both i will accept completely

Instinct

People say "create a new way". People say "You have to take risks in order to learn". Same as" You must move out of your comfort zone to grow".

I agreed with all of it.

But ultimately we have to do what is right for us. Not what seems "good" or "exciting" or even "stable".

Instinct is what God whispers into your heart. Follow it.

Love is inspiration

People say love is blind, but that in a very unique way also makes love the best type of inspiration. If you aren't what/where you feel someone sees you, you feel inspired enough to get there. It's enough just to know that someone believes so much....

Here are the lyrics of a beautiful song which depicts this to me...

Tu Hai Aasmaan Main Teri Yeh Zameen Hai
Tu Jo Hai To Sab Kuch Hai Na Koi Kami Hai
Tu Hai Aasmaan Main Teri Yeh Zameen Hai
Tu Jo Hai To Sab Kuch Hai Na Koi Kami Hai
Tu Hi Dil Hai Tu Hi Jaan Bhi Hai
Tu Khushi Hai Aasra Bhi Hai
Teri Chaahat Zindagi Hai
Tu Mohabbat Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai
Tu Hi Dil Hai Tu Hi Jaan Bhi Hai
Tu Khushi Hai Aasra Bhi Hai
Teri Chahat Zindagi Hai
Tu Mohabbat Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai
Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai

Pyaar Mein Hi Dhoondhta Hoon
Pyaar Se Hi Poojta Hoon Tujhe
Pyaar Mein Hi Dhoondhte Hai
Pyaar Se Hi Poojte Hai Tujhe
Tera Chehra Roshni Hai
Tu Mohabbat Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai
Tu Hai Aasmaan Main Teri Yeh Zameen Hai
Tu Jo Hai To Sab Kuch Hai Na Koi Kami Hai
Tu Hi Dil Hai Tu Hi Jaan Bhi Hai
Tu Khushi Hai Aasra Bhi Hai
Teri Chaahat Zindagi Hai
Tu Mohabbat Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai

Har Safar Mein Har Nazar Mein
Har Sahar Main Dekhta Hoon Tujhe
Har Safar Mein Har Nazar Mein
Har Sahar Main Dekhte Hai Tujhe
Pyaar Hai Jo Tu Wohi Hai
Tu Mohabbat Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai
Tu Hai Aasmaan Main Teri Yeh Zameen Hai

Tu Jo Hai To Sab Kuch Hai Na Koi Kami Hai
Tu Hi Dil Hai Tu Hi Jaan Bhi Hai
Tu Khushi Hai Aasra Bhi Hai
Teri Chaahat Zindagi Hai
Tu Mohabbat Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai
Tu Mohabbat Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai
Tu Aashiqui Hai Tu Aashiqui Hai
Tu Aashiqui Hai

Random Thoughts

One bitten , always shy.

Some cracks and scars never disappear.

Sayings

So true!!!Some quotes are gems........

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too?
Thought I was the only one."
~C.S. Lewis

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live....Unknown

Panch Sawal!

• Can right ever be done in a slightly wrong way?
• Is honesty always the best policy?
• Is it really required to kill your happiness to be right always? If it is then why don't I agree ?
• Why do people say we shouldn't have desires? What else do we live for?
• What's the best way to make any decision
  

Ek sawal

Ab yahan tak aa gaye hain , ab kidhar jaayen?

To you with love

Each person who has shared a deep conversation (even if once) with us or has been part of our lives for no matter how small a duration, gets added to life's history, our memories and also our heart. This one is for my people....right from the friends I had in nursery to the people with whom things couldn't work out, to the people with whom I shared just a few good moments to the ones I love. I am glad you were/are a part of my life. You all made me learn something, about life and about myself.

• Maybe we talk everyday and you know I appreciate you, still what's the harm in a reminder? You are the best!
  
• Maybe we talk/meet talk everyday but I am too in awe to tell you that I appreciate you..please understand it still. This one is esp true for elders+ teachers. I also respect you.
• Maybe we keep in touch occasionally but are still close...all know that I do value our time together and miss you and feel good to still be in touch
• Maybe we were once close but now don't talk anymore...please know that in life, somethings just don't work out. That doesn't mean that I don't care . I carry memories with me and cherish them still.
  
• Maybe we once had a wonderful single conversation/ shared a few good times ( tough not close ones) ..You made me learn vital things about myself and the world and I appreciate it and you are not forgotten
  
• Maybe we are blogger friends...You support my self expression and make me learn new lessons regularly and are good listeners.
• Maybe I don't even know you but you wrote something I loved... I appreciate it coz novels are almost like friends at times.

Maybe that's why I like social networking sites. They connect us to our world....all aspects are connected together. There so many people in my friends list whom I rarely talk to but it's nice to see what's happening in their life still and be in occasional touch.


Maybe the world is like a wardrobe of ours, we don't wear all clothes always. Some are essentials. Some are our favourites. We grow too old for some.Some are not fancy but just comfortable. We need them. Some are frilly ones which don't last more than a single wearing. But they all covered us at some time.

Tagged!...Little things that piss me off

This tag came from Geetika. Here I go........


1) Unwelcome critics-People who are sooo generous with their criticism about your personal habits or just about anything when noone has actually asked their opinion. And they don't realise it can hurt at times. For the record, I am happy with myself and if I am not, I will ask for your valuable opinions when I need them.

2)Topper worship-Just because someone is great in one field or even aspect of life, it doesn't mean that they are out of this world. And just because someone is OK in a field , it odesn't mena they can't excel in another.

3)No reply-When people who don't reply to official mails. Come onn, a no doesn't take that long. Why keep anyone hanging?

4) This is sooo girly-What else do you expect? Hello! I am a girl. And liking romantic novels certainly doesn't mean I don't read anything else! Some of them life's best lessons...if you can't appreciate anything but philosophical ones, then that's nothing to be proud of. It's just choice.

5)Division-In this day and age people still talk of casteism and all that. I mean how can you generalise anyone but a name? Every person is unique.


I tag Taps, Ankur and whoever else wants to take it.

Love and.....................chess!

Love is......
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.....................playing chess with each other ,aiding the other to win and ending in a draw!

Thought

Abstinence is easier than moderation

Food

It's strange how much food affects your life........it defines your mood and all sorts of quality times.....like your entire lifestyle!
Family times together would be over a reassuring cup of tea or a ritual of dinner together. You bond with friends particular outlets....maybe at "Barista's Dark Temptation" or maybe just at Mc D...whatever!
Going out means you will eat something interesting an daring or something tried and tested.
Some types of food items become "comfort foods"...munch chocolate of chips over a movie/novel when upset!
Celebration means going out to your fav restaurant usually.

And at the end of the day what do you get? Excess weight and fat ...........and suddenly you can't have any of it! It requires a whole lifestyle change to eat healthy!

But then sometimes that can also be worth it...especially if you start healthy eating together with a few close ones. It gives you a chance to explore more in life. It's worth a try.

Brida

It's amazing how some books manage to give you new insight to life each time you read them..like brida......read it just the second time and already devoting another post to it........especially want to share a few of the beautiful quotes from it....

"Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon"


"All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle..................... You can only know a good wine if you have tasted a bad one"

Between Friends

Between Friends!

I will say no more!

Life was good again

It had been a frustrating day and week. No one appreciated her hard work or talent. It was always someone else who made it to the top. She had been sick. She had been confused. And she had been angry and irritable. Gudia felt that any minute now she would burst. And now when she finally wanted to relax with her love, she got a call for a sudden meeting. There really seemed to be no justice! Her though, patient as always, told her to take her time and he would be waiting nearby. It took her half an hour and one agrument to get back. Only now she couldn't reach her love's number-- and soon she would have to go home ! This wasn' t the first time. His phone hadn't been working for sometime now. But at that moment it was all that was needed to push her to the edge.

There he came smiling...and she fumed and shouted "Why don't you just throw your phone away?"
Plonk!!!!
Down went the phone on the road.
Gudia felt stunned but rescued it in time.
"What did you do that for? Are you crazy?"
"You said throw it away. :)"
"But it could have broken..." Gudia said still stunned.
"So what? It's just a phone.....that should be thrown away." He winked.

Suddenly Gudia smiled and relaxed...who could be hyper when they had such sweet love? What more could one ask for? Life was good again.

Life can be harsh but sometimes little spontaneous acts of love/craziness/kindness are all that we require to get us back to our senses and back to face reality.

Supporting roles

Some people always stay in "supporting roles".They are not made to play the lead no matter what. They are either nice and likable or just funny. And that's all they ever will be.
Just like comedians WILL get laughed AT and not just have people laugh WITH them.
It's not fair.
But that's life and it stays that way. The sooner we accept it, the better. Why is it still difficult? I guess because we all want the lead and strive for it and failure hurts. Second best is not the same. Best in support is good and satisfying but it leaves you striving for more. Some of which you will never get.

Small wonders!

We are most sensible as babies...we know how to express ourselves without words( certainly know how to make ourselves heard!), we fight for what we want, we spread smiles in an unbiased way to the world, yet we need our family first and recognize that. We love all and everyone loves us. Simple.

Expectations and Limitations

No two people have same expectations.Shouldn't people expect only what they give? But that puzzles also because if they are given more than they would like to give then it isn't it unfair on all concerned parties, even though it's done with good intentions?

Experience or unnecessary risk?

People say you need to gain experience for many things. But in some cases , isn't it similar to cutting your right hand to experience being able to write with the left?
Its' like in life you never know when you jump whether it's bungee jumping or actually a real dive with no security.
So what do you do? Never dive in fear ? Or dive and risk falling?

Valentine's day

A day associated by most with having someone to go out with or having someone show you how special you are and vice versa. But there's more to this day. It's about love. And love doesn't always have to expressive . Nor does have to be loud. It's silent, gentle and beautiful. Like a child.
And it's not exclusive . There's always surplus to be shared once you open your hearts to it. It's not limited to that "someone special" though of course having someone to share you entire life with and to love and be loved with that person is the best gift life can give.
But I firmly believe that to start opening ourselves to love, we don't need someone. We just need ourselves. You should be your first Valentine. Who can tell you better about yourself than you can ? Who can know what makes you smile , what makes your heart beat and what makes your face crumble better than yourself?

This Valentine's day, if you have no one to celebrate with, go pamper yourself. Of course if you have someone then the best way to make yourself happy would be to love fully. But one can only love fully when at peace with oneself.......and the world.

Alone or lonely heart?

We all wish to have someone to tell all to understand us inside out. But isn't it also scary because knowing us means knowing our darker side. And is it even plausible? There are so many things which have no reason and just can't be explained...is it even fair to expect anyone to understand them? If we can't expect that, then is the heart supposed to be lonely or in other words self-dependent?

Why???:P

Just a curiosity ....would like to see some interesting thoughts on the following :

Why do people associate feelings with the heart and not with the brain? How did this thinking start?

Queries to all writer and blogger friends

Are writers born, created or can writing also be acquired?

What are most important ingredients for a writer...a novelist in particular?

How do you go about writing a novel? Is it enough to have a story and right emotional quotient?

Doesn't everyone have a story( at least) inside them?
If yes then why is it not expressed?

Reading and discussions

Discussing novels with someone well read in your domain is almost like discussing people from long ago whom both know well.

A new year

Hmmm ideally this should be my "Happy New Year" post but somehow the seems to have crept by me without me realizing this time.

Been trying to meet deadlines and declutter my room. This gave me an opportunity to walk down years down the memory lane. It's weird..I mean most of us have replied to where you will be 10 years hence soem time of the other....but what about 10 years earlier.
Those dreams, wishes , thoughts and ideals....have they been in fulfilled today or are they lost somewhere?
What I noticed most easily was that it's easier to be good and wise when you are young, innocent and even unhappy. You can get used to it. You can be selfless and have high ideals and just spread love.
But life changes all that. With each blow of betrayal that life throws, you grow a bit more cynical and a bit more "cautious" . And caution makes you selfish. Selfish soemtimes makes you take care of yourself and makes you happier though that shouldn't happen ideally. Once you get used to happiness it's diffrent ball game all together. Then life just moves in that direction.

I was so much wiser and more good 10 years earlier. But I am happier now. Paradox? Life is weird.

Whats the best?

Years pass and years go...
Some are fast and some are slow
Each had moments of smiles and tears
Of actualization of dreams as well as fears

Yet its all exciting isn't it?
To have a place where you fit.
To have people to share the new year with
What's better than a family to live with?

Why then do we have to go for work afar?
Why destiny closes the doors that were once ajar?
Is it something just and right?
Or is it something we should fight?

Don't take me away from my nest
Oh please don't put my emotions to test
I don't care what's best
I just want everyday to end in a rest

Life Changes, so do people

Life seems to be so easily represented in phases and each phase to meet represents people. Of course some people continue through all phases , for those we are lucky. But there are others whom we wish to stay forever but they don't. Sometimes they never really go away physically and just grow apart. At other times, the physical distance gradually draws you apart. I never expected this but it happens sometimes. It's when changes happen so slowly that you never notice them that they hurt. You don't miss those people, you miss that time, that phase, which can of course never be repeated.

It's like when you go away from college and you continue to meet old friends, it's normal but when you can't even do that, you miss "those days " so much more.

It's the people who make memories not phases. But when people change, you look for good memories in those phases.

Why do people change?

Love and learn or learn and love...that is the question

What is more important in life? To learn or to love. I would say love. Experiences help us grow and learn but what if they are at the cost of discomfort not just for you but also for loved ones? Then what? Can you assume that loved ones may also need to learn and go along with it or should you assume that nothing can make you grow more than love?

Tagged! 5 Things before I die.....

Been tagged by Geetika. Took many days to get to writing this one. I guess when it comes down to it, somethings are too private to write down here....committing here means I can't run away from them...however will write a few some fun ones and some serious ones..........5 is easier than 10!

1)Read lots and lots with my own private library. Sometimes books are like best friends.

2)Write a book

3)Experience the various flavors of life...

4)Learn lots

5)Love lots

PDAs

They were a new "couple", even that word seemed foreign that time, but they had starry eyes and they were happy, ohh so blissfully happy with each other. At the same time, they were a couple with values and limits and willingness to follow that.
But they were carefree like kids, walking together holding hands and talking as they walked out of college for the day, both having done well in "final practicals". Suddenly out of no where ,came 3 men and started shouting at them. "Don't you know how to walk in college. Do you think this is a garden?" The spell was broken.
The girl was scared, the guy irritated. Neither was actually "punished", only lectured. Some would say "forget it", it hardly affected them. No, at the practical level it hardly did. But what about their lost peace of mind and lost carefreeness? How does one go about measuring that?

At the same time another solitary girl was walking into the same college being verbally harassed by rude and "suggestive" teacher. But there was no one to help her. There was another group of students "discussing" their exams as the invigilator had conveniently gone out "for a while" . There no one to help the girl and no one to monitor the group may be because the trio was too busy talking about "this generation" not knowing "how to walk".

So through this blog, I am going to be bold enough to say, no I don't feel "Public Displays of Affection"( of such forms) are wrong. In this world full terrorism, why should love be suppressed? Love like laughter is contagious and seeing a couple happy together would make or at least should make people smile and feel good. Yes I agree that there should be limit and intimacies should be avoided and those people discouraged. But why should all others of the generation suffer and be blamed for them? Give them a break, let them enjoy being happy. Hugging someone or holding hands isn't going to kill anyone! Take your time out to catch bigger and more dangerous issues troubling the society.......there are plenty!

Goodness of life

It's true...all that you want does come to you!
Ultimately good things do happen even if after long struggle so it's best not to despair but to remember this.

True Love

Barbra Streisand depicts true and pure love so beautifully in this song...

Here as I lay beside you, I know
How grateful my heart feels
Knowing that you've come
In my world to stay
Now I know my life has finally begun
That dream, that's promised everyone
Now when the world around me looks gray
I look into your eyes and all the darkness goes
I can find my way
Finally I know I'm never alone
A light inside will lead me home
Remember it's all there is
Remember it's all there was
The answer is right here in our hands
And know if our hearts are true
There's nothing we have to do
You and me for always
Now when I wake each morning I say
No need to look ahead
Leave the past behind
Here's a brand new day
Suddenly my life is perfectly clear
The love we found was always here
Remember it's all there is
Remember it's all there was
The answer is right here in our hands
And know if our hearts are true
There's nothing we have to do
You and me for always
Never ending, never changing
The answer is here in our hands
Always reaching , always climbing
You and me for always
Ever loving, ever lasting
The answer is here in our hands
Always changing, always loving...

After even the coldest winter comes spring.......read it somewhere and loved it.So true.

If only

It's horrible when people tell you "You should have done this...how could you not do this?"
They make you regret what you have reconciled yourself to. The best thing to do under the circumstances is not to allow them to. There was probably good in whatever happened in whatever way.

Things do work out in the end somehow.....
But it's still as difficult to realize that earlier

Good lesson

"Always look for simple solutions. And learn to focus on solutions, not on problems."
Read this somewhere and liked it. It makes sense. It's just that we forget it at times.

Cheer up!

OK so how can I avoid the tradition of not blogging when I am busiest?
This one comes after long time. And I have nothing to write.
It can happen sometimes that you take yourself too seriously and that can be very harmful because if you look for reasons as to why you are upset, you find 10 more which you didn't know and you will go down further. This is a continual process.
Whats helps more is to pamper yourself and look out for something nice. Forget what others should or shouldn't do. Vent out all and let go.
What I have learnt again and again is that it's best to speak out then let things eat you away.
In comments I want more "good cheer up tricks".
I am making a start :
1) A good long conversation
2) A good big hug (no don't wink, I mean by parents :P)
3) A good novel.....sigh!
4) Chocolate
5) Work...yes work satisfaction is a great high!
6) Going out if time permits
7)A good new dress
8) Window shopping also does the trick for me!
9)Cricket...it inspires...provided India wins :P

10) Doodling, be it of any form also works its wonders...c pic in right!

Careful!

Being careful is very important! Everywhere.

Better be over-precautious than wind up making some mistake you will always regret.

But then CAN everyone be careful? And doesn't the stress of it affect our living sometimes?

Can't there be some guidelines to be followed for it?

Terrorism

This comes a bit late but didn't know what to write about this subject yet couldn't leave it either.
The point is, we don't really know how to react. Only those who are directly affected know what they have lost. And some are not even alive to know that anymore. And they were innocent bystanders. With friends. With families. With work. With dreams and wishes. With a reason to celebrate and shop in this case. And suddenly it's doomsday. And so on for their families also because family is also a living unit and each part is connected to other parts. Yes time heals everything. I still don't understand how but I have to believe that it does. But questions aren't wounds to be healed. I mean who can answer the "whys"?

No, terrorism doesn't really create "terror" anymore. People don't really get scared. They take part in the drama. They sypathise. And they move on. Except a few who probably can never. So what's the purpose? Why don't they ever go and kill the people who do affect them? And why don't they go and kill the devil inside themselves?

Ok, I know it's wistful thinking.sigh.

What who where when why?

What would you do,
If time was more and tasks few?
If you got bored someday out of the blue?
If all days were old and nothing was new?

What would you say,
If after long to God you would pray?
If you had wasted many a day,
If you felt as if left you had gone astray?

Who would you hold,
If in public you could kiss?
If to hug loved ones you were enough bold?
If you could choose between another miss and bliss?

Where would you go?
If you didn't want to go with the flow?
If the way to your heart you didn't know?
If you had to risk all to glow?

Where would you look?
If you felt even in yourself a slight crook?
If there were no answers in any book?
If your inadequacies even loved one wouldn't brook?

When would you get up?
If everyone saw you drop?
If you could still relax with a bed and a tea cup?
If you could choose when to move on and when to stop?

Yet,why wouldn't you live,
If your heart is still positive?
If you still feel you have something to give?
If someone still finds your smile curative?

Fury

Oh mightiest fury,
Thou hath no charm to me.
Nor will thine place exist in GOD's jury,
So haunt me no longer i plea.

Right or wrong

There seems to be no absolute "right". It amazes me how our views change from what we find wrong until we are in a similar situation and wonder why we didn't give others the benefit of doubt. But what's confusing is this way it can get difficult to know what to do. It only helps in telling us to be less judgemental about others.

I remember my very wise Sanskrit teacher once telling us about"Vivek" -the ability to know right from wrong-which distinguishes humans from non-humans. How does that come into play now.I wish I could ask her:( Some teachers are too good to be ever forgotten and I have been very lucky to have many such supporting my throughout my career...even now...they play a "too vital" role. I mean I have never been an extrovert but these gem of people draw can you out and there no need of personal talk or nonsense chitchat. Sometimes pure understanding and relations require very few words. I guess sometimes I remember my teachers more than friends, from childhood, except few close ones.

Teaching Assistants

Teaching Assistantship is like nurturing flower buds....protecting them from weeds and some insects but not all.....being gentle but not completely so...allowing them the space to grow....isolating the ones which may need more attention....
It's a big responsibility but the flowers produced are worth it...though they belong to the owner and not to the gardner nurtured them!

And who can know better than students what new students need...esp those lil quiet and maybe lil slow ones...guidance can do wonders I believe and so can encouragement...esp in those initial steps...

I love it!

Love and friendship

Nothing can be better than having someone with whom you can share anything in the world and to feel safe and know that they understand

Do terrorists have no conscience?

Do terrorists have no conscience? And if they do then how can they live with themselves after killing people...people who they never even knew?
And if they do then are so brainwashed that they believe they are doing right? Are they actually mad?
If so should they be pitied?
I mean you are only wrong if you know that you doing wrong and you continue to do so...
So should the people who train be blamed? Do they do this for private gains? Who is to blame and how can religion be responsible? I mean anyone who believes in God sincerely would realise that religion is something sacred and private and universal. Religions are just different ways of communicating with God. But even the heart is enough for that. To listen your conscience is the truest religion.God cannot like his own creations being harmed...least of all by themselves.
Why don't people understand this simple truth. It's so sad and yet mind boggling.

Andar se yeh awaz aayi hai

Hanste hanste bhi zindagi bhi mein ek khamoshi si chhai hai
Naa jaane kahanse is bheed mein aayi yeh tanhaai hai

Bhaagte bhaagte ek thakaan si aayi hai
Theher ke dekho kabhi, kahan khogayi apni hi parchhayi hai

Har kaamyabi ke piche koi na koi hansi murjaayi hai
Aage badte badte kyunki guzare zamane ki pukar yeh hawa laayi hai?

Sabkuch hote hue kyun kabhi aankhon mein ek nami aayi hai?
kyun rehti hai talash waisi jo kabhi naa poori ho paayi hai?

Apni dil ki gunj to chipaaye na chip paayi hai
Bhulte nhi bhulati kuch baatien yeh aaj fir kaisi yaad aayi hai?

Waqt ne fir yeh kaisi bhuli hui dhun sunayi hai?
Judi hai humse jo yaadein vo kuch chahyi anchahyin hai

Suraj ke hote hue bhi roshni mein parchayi hai
Raasta seedha tha par fir kyun itni thokkar humne khaayi hai?

Andar se yeh awaz aayi hai
Shayad thoda deere hai chalna humein jisse asmaan na sahi , zameen to nazar mein aayi hai.

Movies and Novels...

Learning is what you remember after you have forgotten...
Read lots of novels...wanted to share two...
To kill a mockingbird....Fell below my expectations but loved this sentence...
"I didn't love reading. You don't love to breathe".

Next one...Witch of Portobello and Brida...selected lots of quotes in them...will pen them sometime but too lazy right now....

But what I remember most has almost nothing to do with the theme but it stuck to me( maybe not exactly same words)....
"Do not be irritated but doing dishes or making food...be glad that you have food to make ...and be glad that you have people to share it with you... millions don't."

Read "A walk to remember" and watched the movie also. For the first time I say that the movie is better. It's no unique story...but it's portrayed with such delicateness and subtlety that it's beautiful.
Highlights...
A guy asks her dad for asking the girl out on a date.
The guy asks before he kisses .
The guy fulfils all her dreams before she dies.
The girl guides him to his dreams.
The girl's dad and the guy remain in touch.

"Yup I am romantic any day of the year"...if you can say this, it's a movie of your dreams...

Who knows whats good for you

Had read about the New York law of writing calorie count next to the fast food item....hmm We could do with that law here I guess!

But on second thoughts I wonder if it is a good idea...I mean why not just let people get a life -even out of eating if they enjoy it and are passionate about it. Life is short. But making it sweet can make shorter still!

It's a paradox!

But I personally feel that anything that creates passion is worth it ...it makes you come alive...But passion shouldn't be addiction...And yet I can't think of pasison as but that!

Another paradox.

Solitude

Don't pity your aloneness(not lonliness), enjoy solitude when you get a chance, you wouldn't get it too often!

What matters

It's not always the big things. It's not the strangers at work place. It's the everyday things with people who are part of our everyday life that matter the most. Just because they will understand doesn't mean we should concentrate on the rest...it just gives us more of a reason to take care in those little everyday actions...they would appreciate at heart and we would also feel much better.

Nothing

There seems to be stalemate in life...
nothing to say ,
nothing to hear
how to bear,
as life tumbles into the ocean of nothingness,
nothingness camouflaged by busyness,
the heart dissolves into emptiness

New age political criteria

The polititians want to set reservations everywhere even when they aren't required and only seem to create barriers which don't really exist in this generation and they seem find great pleasure in targeting India's pride-The IIT's.

Well I would love to give it back to them. Let them make decisions for us when they are equal to it. Let there be stringent criteria for people to enter into politics.

I would suggest
1)a minimum graduate degree/ some specialized course
2)with at least 4 years' worth social service and
3)some kind of specialist training institutes could be opened to give moral training as well( may be 6 months' worth).

Well after that, if they decide this then I promise not to object to their decision and neither would others I guess!

And no I am not crazy. The country's leaders need to be educated, sensitive to plight of the people and aware of moral responsibilities.
And each is covered in this criteria. But who will implement it?????

What I say...

Everyone has at least a few minutes' worth conversation to share ....and with some you are meant to share just that!

Love is when you start of with starry eyes,then get back to normal and accept and continue to love the person and suddenly keep getting back the starry eyes for the same person:)

It's strange how people so far away physically
can be closer and people nearby can drift away.

You may not be there to share every moment and every silly secret with me but you are still close to my heart because I think of you and preserve things to tell you !

Does friendship require effort?

It's frustrating to have
conversations like
:"What's up? nothing". Why does that happen?