Dislongingness

Sometimes festivals and celebrations become too peopled. They are fun but can lead to a loss of equilibrium. Or maybe years of seclusion make it so. PhD changes a person such that you keep longing for it to be over but once it is, it also leads to withdrawl symptoms. You tend to miss the the quietness of lab. That one place that you can anytime go back to. That one work that is all yours for what seems like forever.  And though, it torments you in different ways throughout the years, when all goes wrong in the world, it is like a refuge where you can rush to. Of course being surrounded by natural beauty makes it even more inviting and more solitude inducing. 

This is about that state of 'dislongingness' (using the poetic license as no other word describes the feeling as well) that one experiences after years of solitude and aloneness. It comes out at odd times like an unruly toddler and you know not what to do about it.

Dislongingness

Where do you go when you want to run away?
When there is no longer any single refuge
When the heart feels a dislongingness
A disenchentment from the world in general
And longs for not quiet time but solitude
Away from peopled loneliness towards aloneness

Is there a way I wonder
To achieve equilibrium
A perpetual calmness

We all have our good and our bad moments
Our loud and our quiet moments
Our alone and our peopled moments
Our pensive and reflective moments

We smile through the good
Wince and move on through the bad
But then come the moments of loud silence
Moments of peopled loneliness
Which disturb our inner peace
The inner child wants to run away
But with you remains trapped within masks of social obligations and pleasantaries
The inner child seeks familiarity
But finds familiar strangers
Smiling outworldly, ignoring blindly the silent pleas

This time lets give that inner child a chance to be free
Lets run away with it and all inhibitions forgo
Lets follow it and see where it leads
We may find a once lost refuge from long ago