Probability of happiness

It is said that P(AB)=P(A AND B)/P(B).....(1)
But it is also possible to havr P(AB) =P(A)....(2)

Now all studious people are warned away from this blog.........

Well I feel that above results can be compares to our happiness as dependent on others'(1) and as independent.
If what someone else does affect us in some way then our happiness can and probably will depend on them to some extent ....depending on the importance of the action and our will power.

But if people's actions don't affect then it should NOT affect our happiness. That is just being plain interfering. Its normal and bad but when you are unhappy , it hardly makes you feel better to know about good things in anyone else's life. And if it doesn't then either you are very good or that person means more than happiness to you.

What's the solution? Acknowledge that and make an effort to occupy thoughts by something more fruitful than complaining and fretting. Peace of mind is more important thna happiness. And if you are at peace with yourself then the world doesn't affect you to extreme ends.

To try or to forgo.....

Somethings you just can't win. One should strive for all but build hopes only for goals which are solely dependent on us. Sometimes its best to let go and admit you defeat though that's not what I have ever learnt in life.

I mean I always believe/believed that if you truly want something then work for it, if can't then ask help, if can't then at least keep wishing and if it's good and you want it enough then someday you will get it.

But I wonder which train of thought is true or maybe truth is fuzzy.....not completely in either.

PS:I have seen evidence of both.Sometimes trying gives wonderful results and at times only letting go makes things turn around and yields success.

So far away

For all those who are "so far away" from home.................

so far away from all that is dear
so far away that its hard to bear
so far away with burdens that noone can share
so far away with no time to sit n stare
so far away with cries noone can hear
so far away and even in sickness noone to care
so far away with opinions that can't air
so far away that smiles are rare
so far away all for a dare
or so far away for success that is rare?
so far away,is it as hard as I fear?
so far away from it all, how do you fare?

Steganography-with a difference!

• "Steganography is the art and science of writing hidden messages in such a way that no one apart from the intended recipient knows of the existence of the message; this is in contrast to cryptography, where the existence of the message itself is not disguised, but the content is obscured. "-wikipedia's official definition on Steganography....a topic which has always fascinated me beyond imagination.

• Well poetry is also a form of Steganography. The writer weaves the strings of words in such a way that only people who understand the true context and meaning are the ones who deserve to. For the rest it's either gibberish or has some hidden meaning which they don't know and can't even begin to suspect because they already understand it as something else.

• Some everyday words with uncommon codes

D is C (over) -Discover

L if e-Life

M is t-Mist

W is h-Wish

Be in G- Being

P as t-Past

(I know being redundant now but just observed them all now)

Blog is something very satisfying-something which stays beyond life-a place where you can preserve a part of yourself as never before.

For this I thank the people who first started it.

Nonsensical sense

Auron se thake hoge tum kabhi na kabhi,
Thame honge kadam tumare bhi kabhi na kabhi,
Kaun khudese thak kar tham jaata hai,

Haare hoge tum bhi kabhi na kabhi
Roye hoge us haar pe tum bhi kabhi na kabhi
Kaun hai jo jeet pe aaansu bahata hai?

Kosa hoga jahan ko tumne bhi kabhi na kabhi
Muh morha hoga duniya se tumne bhi kabhi na kabhi
Par Kaun hai jo duniya ko muh dikhata aage jaata hai?

Muskuratein yaad ayin hongi tumhe bhi kabhi na kabhi
Hansi wale din bhi gunje honge tumhari ruh mein kabhi na kabhi
Kaun hai jo aaj ke din muskurahat bdata hai?

Khud ke ghum mein dube hoge tum bhi kabhi na kabhi.
Khincha hoga hoga ek par kisine kabhi na kabhi
Par Kaun hai jo us ghum ke sehlab se tairna sikhata hai?
kaun hai jo khudse thak kar tham jata hai?

Naure at its best!Spring oh spring.......

I guess I go to paradise everyday of my life with flowers surrounding me ina hevanly mannar. Imagine discussing them with anyone-good to see that they create no barriers of grown up or children , of student or teacher. Inside you study as you can but outside you can discuss flowers with same person to whom u exhibited your not-so- great achievements and who represents torturous subjects of not-so -great happniess to u. Still flowers bring a comoon ground where all are common students of the class taken by nature.

I mean how much can the trivialities of life affect you if you can look at beautiful flowers of every possible color as you walk along your workplace...
if you can see birds in their joyous flights....
making you forget your plight
if you can see squirrels in their playful antics. ...
making you forget to be frantic
if you can see how the sky changes color with each season,
with each day,each hour even......
...........................
Flowers
flowers so pink but ever so slightly mellow
or the most beautiful yellow
or purple with a white "halo"
some swaying ones
some steady ones
some scented ones
some scentless ones
some small ones
some large ones
each with a beauty of its own
whether in a bunch or entirely on their own
each with a pattern and color to match
no man made one is like them even by a patch


......................
Tress
trees swaying their greens
telling you what life means
leaves come and go
but trees stay, they belong to long ago
winds can blow leaves right out
but the stronger ones stick out
leaves with their changes hues
driving away all blues
still they eventually fall and say bye
but sturdy branches don't die
this is story of the tree
but it could well be of you or me
do we with our roots stay
or with wind do we sway away?

If I wait for the time to do something on normal everydays of my life then I
will realise that when a time comes that I can do everything on normal somedays of my life then I will end up doing nothing on normal everydays of my life.

I miss.........

I miss good conversations.
I miss carefree times.
I miss times when I didn't have need to personalise my blogs so much.
I miss the times when there was no need to tell anyone that you are blogging but they would themselves comment instantaneously.
I miss the security of having a set career. Eventhough I don't doubt my decision.
I miss a lot of things eventhough I have a lot to be grateful for.
I even miss Harry Potter!

COMPETITION

I love learning , but I hate competition.
Education is victimised by it. It keeps on stabbing your desire to learn and work for the sake of it till you give up. Is there NO way out????????????

I mean does it make no difference that you worked , that you enjoy a subject , that you are honest, that you are sincere -marks are so cruel sometimes . So cold and unbearable. What right does anyone have to tell you that efforts are as worth as a nil when you know its not true?

Is it never going to be possible to just learn and love it?
But well laziness may set in if you have no fear.....
But surely there is a better system of balance possible?

Are we Indians?

Did you know that honey is only substance which contains all the life sustaining nutrients?

Did you know that the Western are trying to patent Indian yogic asanas?

Did you know that the green revolution is not all good as its made out to be?

Did you know that we, the third world are still living in akind of colonisation-of the mind?

And why is that?

Our attitude has a major role in it...think of India..
We as Indians have a rich heritage. But when was the last time anyone wen to visit any of th ehistorical monuments? What about malls? Of course the later comes much more frequently in most cases.But peple from all over the world love out monuments.
I haven't visited the Taj Mahal as yet.....even when I told this in my primary school in some other country, people were shocked. They were so much in awe with that place.

What about food habits? We have curries, we have roti. We have so much variety in India. Go to Dilli Haat if you don't believe me. And our native Indian food is actually most balanced and healthy. Yet we today believe more in "fast foods". Why? Its "in".
Why are we trying to import diseases?

What about clothes? Today when Indian women wear Sarees people call them "of the old generation" , when girls wear Salwaar Kameez , they are called "Behenjis". Yet there is more style in Salwar Kameez and more "hotness" in Sarees than in many dresses. For one, we have more color and pattern variety. For another, in winters we do not need an extra scarf...dupatta takes care of that. Jeans , what people may like them for are ultimately mostly just same old blue.....
And what about Indian boys? Are they ever aware that there are Inidan attires for them? Are they even allowed those in their work places if by rare chance they felt like it? I have my doubts.

What about Indian medicinal values....yoga, ayurveda?
The benefits of Indian herbs which the West often calls "weeds" and mostly we hesitate not in this.

Charity begins at home. If we don't value oursleves. Noone else will either
Environmental Ethics , a ndtv discussion and a midnight discussion forged my mind in this direction.

Words

Smile,an everlasting smile...

A smile can bring you near to me.....

Don't ever let me find you gone coz that would bring a tear to me.......

This world has lost its glory

lets find a brand new story now my love....

You think that I don't even mean a single word I say

It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away.

Talk in everlasting words and dedicate them all to me

And I will give all my life

I'm here if you should call to me

Such a beautiful song.....and beautiful music to good with beautiful lyrics...
Makes you think though.......whats so good is that its such a pure song.....
There are almost no pretences in it.

People do smile when with loved ones.They do cry if some close one goes far away.
And when things go wrong or when lifes seems to its zing, people do feel like staring anew...with someone who cares....

People are helpless also....its all a matter of trust...they can only try to convince but after a point its only about believing or not.......

People are essentially dependent and needy of love.....that's what is portrayed so deeply here...they do want permanence...to have someone in their life and live happily ever after.....

And hey!I am not contradicting my last post. But I do feel there should be songs for all moods and emotions.And meaningful ones at that. More often now, songs seem to potray a particular situation and lose their generality

Why are there so few songs which are not into romance?Do people really have no other topic at all to write about?

life-food for thought!

Life is like food..........we all love cakes and hate bitter things but some bitter things can be moulded to be liked...like coffee........
salty things are also good ,adding a spice to life........
variety excites us.........
but what sustains us is our staple diet............if that is wrong nothing will work.........we come back to some kind of stability in staple food.........and we like that
Only tasty food items would not sustain us in the long run but tried and tested rotis will.
Some food items trigger memories......we may no longer like them but they are still special........

Sometimes I feel that sadness is the only real emotion. Somehow happiness never seems to touch the heart in the same way as sadness..............
Very much like this song on the movie"ROG"

"Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi
Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi


Bechaara kahan jaanta tha
Khalish hai yeh kya khala hai
Shehar bhar ki khushi se
Yeh dard mera bhala hai
Jashna yeh raaz na aaye
Mazaa toh bas gam main aaya hai

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Kabhi hai ishq ka ujaala
Kabhi hai maut ka andhera
Bataao kaun bes hoga
Main jogi banu ya lutera
Kayi chehre hai is dil ke
Najaane kaunsa mera

Maine dil se kaha dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Hazaaron aaise phaasle the
Jo Tai karne chale the
raahe magar chal padi thi
Aur peeche hum rah gaye the
kadam Do chaar chal paaye
Kiye phere tere mann ke

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi

Maine dil se kaha, dhoond laana khushi
Nasamajh laya gum, to yeh gum hi sahi"

Ultimately all of us are alone and ultimately whatever we runaway from has a way of getting to us.Truth itself is relative.So is trust,love, moral values, responsibilities.........
Nothing is for "sure"
But yet the heart strives for permanence ,solace
hope swims through murky seas of pain
smile looks for its lost reflection
joy enjoys this hide and seek
and what stays is whats inside us
be it trust or fear mingled doubts
be hope or listlessness
be it life or death
and we move along life
our relation to it like sail and wind
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Blogworld

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Blogging has suddenly disappeared out of my day to day world for a while.......could blame it on cold weather or hectic schedule but then I beleive that we find time to do what we want to do.
But some things and even people are only parts of our lives for some phase.
Maybe for a reason, season or a lifetime- as rightly said in an article I read somewhere.
Reasonal things go away when they have served their purpose.
Blogging had a reason...to give a chance to reach out and express myself as never before.
Seasonal things give joy and may or may not come back.
Blogging gave joy...is it seasonal?
Does it come back and go away as and when I derive pleasure from it?
Lifetime things stay forever and help us in learning and growing through it all.
Is blogging for a life time?Is writing for a life time?
Well it depends...if it helps you grow then it is. Otherwise there is no point in simply dragging something redundantly.

Discovering life started with purpose to share things I learnt along the way. Sometimes it had harsh facts of life ,sometimes it's been dreamy, sometimes optmistic, sometimes argumentative.
I refrained from personal experiences almost completely. Yet it has been a personal journey. Its given me a lot-directly and indirectly. Its made me come to a stage when I no longer even seem to need to depend upon it for outlet to emotion, to exprssion , to recognition. Its seen the ups and downs of my life. Like a good dog. Faithfully. And a dog is a man's best friend. I don't call it a person because its just there and reassuring by being there. The blog in itself doesn't offer solutions. It just listens. Yet it hold a sentimental value. It brings back nostalgia.

Is this a goodbye or is this a new beginning or is this just introspection?

Time will tell..........
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I feel like a sand...whatever comes , holds mark, changes me in its own unique way and goes away. Sometimes I resist that change but when I don't better I just let it give shape to me.

Random rambling

Each phase of life is made up of both sides....good and bad.....we just dwell in memories based on our mood at that time...

What we read affects us......so if you want to change soemthing about yourself , one good way is to read something similar to the habit that you want to inculcate...........

Happy hols..........

The most musical word in a student's life.......
Usually after the initial few days ,we get bored and start waiting to catch on friends, go back to college......even study!
But sometimes you get so drained out that you just don't want remember any other world except your shell...where you chill completely...be it by partying meeting up friends or being with your family. Or just relaxing ,sleeping, indulging in food, reading ,music,light movies...with hot cups of tea/coffee to tide over the winter....
And some chats with close ones:)
Just perfect...........right?
Blissful.........

What do you do if you don't know what you want suddenly???Walking along the way, you get so used to the way, that you forget where its supposed to be leading.....for all you know you could have reached your destination but suddenly you don't know where you were going .....it's not as important as the fact that you are no longer travelling alone...won't have to again....as the fact that you like the way.......
But once this security settles in you realise you still need to know where to go or else you will just wonder aimlessly......



I feel directionless, goalless, thoughtless
As in an automata which is stateless

You say that’s impossible,
But it’s true
See it if you want to

I talk but don’t converse
I walk but don’t traverse.

I am happy but empty, hollow,
No dream to follow.

I am content but not satisfied
Wish someone could get all this clarified

There is no question
So no answer

No problem
And so no solution

Bad times don’t break me
But then good times don’t thrill me

Life is a plane
Wish to seesaw even if not rollercoaster again

Oh dear me
Oh fear me
Oh so near me
Oh rightly steer me
Don’t jeer me
Cheer me
Oh do please hear me
Just bear me.

I guess what tells me that I must continue and keep trying is this which I read before entering this institute:

"Education is irreversible. Once you have tasted the pleasure and hardwork
of learning , the joy of knowledge , you cannot thereafter imagine yourself
without it."

Sometimes life is just tough and sometimes it's just meant to continue to be that way and there's nothing you can do as you keep falling into a deeper and deeper pit but it sure helps to have someone to hold onto while you wait to get bailed out...company matters ever then!!!

"There is effort involved in making any dream come true. Dreams are powerful, but only when they’re reinforced by research, study, and effort.If you do the work, you’ll reach your goals."
Usually the quickest way to attain any desire is to pay the full price. Do the work.
.......Chicken Soup


Thus dreams have a price.

If you don't pay it then you are punished.
To bear that required courage.

But nothing is the end of the world.

"Systematically going through a problem step by step and actually implementing what you know can lead to the solution of your problem."

PG express .......

No matter what , there is light at the end of every tunnel no matter how dark.

My faith in the above statement has been restored.
This was never meant to be a personal blog but sometimes there is no other way of explaining things except by sharing experiences.

Today I am glad to be part of PG,part of IIT.You might wonder who wont be?Well ask anyone who is there...most will complain. After a while the pressure gets to everyone.

I guess I have seen a lot in this first semester. First it was the emotional challenge of being away from closest friends....changes in life you move to different parts of respective lives is not easy.
Done.It became fine after a while.
Enjoyed my 1st TA experience a lot...enjoyed giving 1st minors,enjoyed all new methods of studying,enjoyed attending 1st seminar from here,winning in freshers,1st dinner at freshers enjoyed esp the way profs talked about us learning,getting tranformed here...felt as becoming a swan from an ugly duckling.

All this time heard complains all around but I persisted with faith...loved being here...loved the environment...

Then somewhere in between I realised things weren't stricking very well always...somewhere in between I lost my rule of "to each his own" and moved onto "share and care"...couldn't help it.
Suddnely I realised attending seminars was a luxury which we couldn't afford with assignments pilling up.....I must say I have always been secretly glad of being "herded" into the seminar hall by one prof who truly believes in knowledge for the sake of it... even in it was an hour or so before my demo!
Then came my nightmare...fibonacci heaps...seemingly a simplistic program...which never turned out that way for anyone...with it came alive my worst nightmares...
I literally lost sleep!
Then came resubmissioon...still not tooo great...
Then came...minor results....
Suddenly forgot why I was here...had it happened by mistake?Could I even think of doing a Phd?Why did I want to?Would get any kind of job at al?Would I fail?Would they kick me out?
Such thought haunted me day and night...
Then came tears and more tears....
Thne came helplessness...
Thne came part2 of that submission..the project..then came loss of confidence...a broken down spirit...3weeks no progress as too much fear.....
What helped was friends...in between even enjoyed staying up till late (night) there ....
being with frineds...having good weekends...the fest...(that was really cool)...wathcing movie in lab!

But the nightmare continued...increasing day by day...became snappy,irritable and "hyper" in short
seeing ppl breakdown after their "demo" when they seem so much brighter is anyday disheartening....
I became terrified.......shaking and wondering what would happen...all I knew was that I couldn't compromise on my values..I would be straight with the prof and own up just how little I had managed to do...

Kept remembering all the worst vivas I had given in my entire life...few in which ppl took pleasure in hurting selfpride of innocent minds.It had hurt then but that time I had a whole class almost backing me ,believing in me.
And now I didnt even seem to have myself on my side.
Tough.

Then the viva started....with general introduction...calmly enough...suddenly I found myself pouring out my fears,even saying" I like the system but don't know if the system will like me"...and felt being calmed by the teacher...being given hope...being told that marks don' t matter...that they just mean that you can learn that much more. The fact that I am here means I am good, I can only getter better...
if I am learning...if I am improving my process of thinking,if I feel that I getting all out of this system then that's all that matters.Suddenly I had hope...I could see my dreams again...I could feel my interest back,my passion back...

Then the actual viva....on confessing that I couldn't do the entire exercise,I found myself involved in a discussion about debugging techniques.And becoming so interested that forgot it was a viva...actually even being able to put forth my points without worrying whether they were right or not...

I went in tears and came back in smiles...after an hour!
Suddnely I am glad I am here..suddenly I know I will make it here and do well also...
And won't try to escape assignments but do them so as to learn and not fear them...
I may have lost marks allocated for particular points in today's viva but I gained back my hope, my confidence,my "selfsufficiency".
The journey continues.....

There's much more to life than just
increasing its' speed.

What is failure?
Does it really exist in truest sense of world of optimism?

IN DEEP WATER

Suppose a person is learning to swim and swims with some kind or protection or support...maybe a kicking board.Now he has no confidence that he can swim without the board also so has been using it for many months. So feels discouraged that maybe he doesn't have the necessary skills to learn "proper" swimming.

Suddenly one day he is pushed into the water(goes in by mistake thinking it to be shallow) without the board.Now if that is a sea where he can see no shore anywhere near then he may simply freeze out of fear and drown.But if he can see a shore,not very far away, or if he can see a lifeguard coming to his rescue and knows he just has to hold on a while,he will just kick out....and voila!!!(because when he has hope and he knows has to do something for survival ,he will his lack of confidence,and actually he can because he has done so for many months and knows what to do)He will be swimming.

And once he realises that he can swim, he will love it and be happy and never use the board again.


Well this seems to me very much like the transformation from being spoonfed as UGs and in deep water in PGs.Except that I dived myself thinking water to be shallow.
All there is to remember is that the last part of the story is also true.

People work so hard ,strive so much in different ways for EDUCATION........so why it is that when we get it easily, we complain so much...with all our hearts(not even superficially)?
And its not as if we aren't interested...people go for degree after degree if its like a dream....at least some do...then why its charm fades when we are there?
Why toughness of course alone is enough to shake us up to dreadfully???
Whatever happened to joy of learning for the sake of it?Does that never come and stay in its truest form?

"Relaxation is :letting go , trust, surrender, love, acceptance ,union with existence, egolessness and ecstasy"

(Read it in the paper.)

Well personal desires also get included in relaxation.For me spending time with loved ones, doing something truly productive...even writing ...even blogging would be included...as long as it is not enforced.

"Living totally in the moment and going with the flow are great virtues"

Well then whatever happened going to less travelled paths???I always believed that more.

A prediction:Taking one step at a time will let you achieve you goals sooner than expected.....

........lets see!!!

Tagged!!!

Hi I was tagged a long time back but somehow work schedule along with exhaustion,laziness and confusions prevented mefrom writing any posts at all....
This is the tag.....from her.

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"At this moment, I am so very stressed, exhausted, hurt and depressed; and this tag may actually help me realise all the good things that I have, and this may help me come back to normal. So here it goes.==================================This is one tag I think is really interesting to do. Maybe because it tells you how greedy you really are, inspite of howmuchever of a saint you think you are! It's called "Thoda aur chalega". The rules are simple. You got to write five things that you do have and are quite fond of/proud of because they really are good/feel-good (at least in your own perspective). These things can be anything...qualities, people, pets, clothes, goodies etc. Then you have to add one adjective to each, indicating what else you'd wish (dream, fantasise etc.) these things to also have. Like the extra free chocolate topping on a five scoop hot chocolate fudge with nuts, chocolate sauce, raisins etc. An example could be: My super cool super fast car....I wish I had a red-coloured super cool super fast car."
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THODA AUR CHALEGA.......

1) My parents and close ones....their love ,support and constant advice and a so complete belief in me and ability to hear me crib at anytime carries me through it all....
Thoda aur...I wish I didnt snap at them...I wish I had more to offer from my side in terms of happiness.....and I wish my 2 worlds would unite.......

2)My dream of "studying" here came true....it was a long cherished dream ,one for which I had truly strived.....
Thoda aur.....I wish I could actually enjoy studies now that here.I wish the constant pressure would ease such that I could work hard and actually understand what's happening....I wish so much I had work satisfaction sometimes at least. I am in depair for it.

3)Glad to be settled here at institute with frnds here also.......and to be in touch with few wonderful collegetime frnds.....
Thoda aur....I wish I didnt have to feel constantly like the dunce in group.I know I am not overall but still it's been happening too often recently....

4)For novels and diaries......my lifelong companions...to be give peace and hope always......

and also need to add....good food!!!..chocos,maggi,soups,tea,list goes on.....
Thoda aur......I wish I wasnt so obsessed with novels when underpressure.Same goes for food.If I had goodies a little less often I would appreciate them even more and everything wouldn't become routine.
I wish I would write my diary more often ,openly again....need weeks since I did that I think...too lazy!!
I wish I would write poetry ,blogs,stories again,........
miss that part of my life which has been more or less dormant since "she's" been away...one of my very closest frnds...who used constantly inspire me to write by writing herself and telling me she liked me my pieces also...who used to pester me night and day to write a new blog....
along with her msgs at midnight to see and comment on her posts "or else...."
...and of course the heartfelt discussions that gave food for thought...
I miss you taps...


5)My ability to spend time by myself,to enjoy nature,to contemplate ,to draw a line when I need to relax.....to enjoy the little joys dat life offers with true childlike excitement...
Thoda aur....I wish I would work with true vigour and not laze so much when frustrated....


This was supposed to be a happy blog and its turned out to be a "venting machine".

It's a crazy world

WARNING::Post Grads would agree!

Sometimes I think.....

OHH its all sooooooo funny,
like a facepack of banana and honey
its not about the money,
its about being crazy like bugsbunny,

Work is not about work, its about sticking,
OHH like a chewing gum,
Only you can be dumb,
but must satiate your tum ,
even if have rum,
no need to be glum,

Coz, hectic means fretting
free means boring
challenge means betting
book means poring
Then what is rain?
Its riding in an empty lane.

Lain means tired
but tired means fired
fired means going to mommy
where all is sunny
OHH its all so funny!!!!!

Some known but lesser stated facts

• The best time to write blogs:one day before exams.....!!!

• The best time to think of life and everything else onder the sky:same as above

• The best time to write poems:same as above but also when in agitated state of mind. So most poets must be the most frustrated ppl on earth!!!

• The best way to remove agitations:.....tell me!

One would be to think simple thoughts,escape for a while into pleasures,like some song,dance out ,simple discussions, to live in the moment and not worry about how changes would affect the future.As changes are to be experienced in that moment ..not in future.Some things as simple as watching birds can be refreshing.
But what's most important to have hope and maybe a smile.Well that leads to reasons to smile....so you its cycle....but wont call it vicious...

LOST

Going going ,going down and under,
Oh what blunder!
Oh why wonder!

Fighting fighting, fighting in life,
Oh what strife!
Slicing through me like a knife!

Crying crying,crying to me,
Take me!
Hold me!
Rescue me away from me.

Fear engulfs me here,
Getting hard to bear,
Reach out to me,
As can't see thee.

Memories are ghosts I hold onto,
Scared of darkness to plunge into,
Resisting lonliness calling,
Afraid of falling

Falling falling ,falling to eternity,
Nothing's a certainity
Situations not such a severity but shocked by my temerity
Lost,seeking that same security,


(To be continued.....)

Expressionlessness

There comes a time when writing gets stunted, there comes a time when dreams come true but further ambitions get stunted,there comes a time when all is good but growth is stunted,when you happy but feelings get stunted,when life itself seems stunted,halted...

All this is described so well in a friends blog....here are some lines in continuation to it...........
Ek safar ek dastaan ki talaash hai"(her line),

Bahut kuch paaya ab kisi naye khwab ki talaash hai,
manzil to mil gayi par fir kisi raah ki talaash hai,
Humsafar se zindagi khili hai par thamein haath saath chalen jo un yaaron ki bhi talaash hai,
Zindagi tham si gayi hai,kuch naye khayalat ki talaash hai
Muskaan to hai par fir kisi naye jasbaat ki talaash hai
Aansu to hain par ghum ki talaash hai
Haasil to bahut kiya par ab aur maangne ki "chaah" ki talaash hai
Soch ke shabdon ki talaash hai
kisi geet ki in labzon ko talaash hai

Give changes a chance

Life changes a lot and very often.........
and at times changes can scare a lot also......
they can make us grumpy as we are used to being in our comfort zones.....
but once there is no growth in them,changes are necessary....
there is a need to explore and widen our horizons .....
And if we are too lazy or too fearful to do so...God pushes us towards them.......
Just like with baby birds...when they first fly......
The best tihng is to accept them...open our eyes and look at the beautiful world around us...enjoy our being.....make the most of those changes and really live...
Sometimes even when dreams come true,we get more afraid than excited....afraid of how it be now....but we must remember that we have been rewarded for something we truly believed in so it can only be good:)

The extent of severity of any situation depends on the person ,the way of living , the attitude.
A mild form of severity can also feel equally harsh to someone not used to it.
It doesnt necessarily depend on the strength of the person....
But what IS strength?To endure unfavourable circumstances well.But what does "well" mean? I mean one aspect caters to how the person manages his/her duties and maintains an equilibrium during sucha situation.But another aspect also exists...
What we make easier for ourselves by escaping the situation partly and escaping well....and also without any negligence.Is it good?Don't know 'coz sometimes it makes you feel like a machine ...sometimes it seems as if you arent allowing yourself to feel the full extent of grief even when you care simply because you tell yourself you need to manage well.Is that ok?It doesnt change anything except that despair comes in glimpses rather than continuously.

Stolen moments

Stolen moments like a treasure
Moments of pure pleasure.

Yet they bring a fear
Now parting’s too hard to bear.

When near all worries cease
Into the magical moment we freeze

Yet moments borrowed
Moments soon escape

Stolen moments of pleasure
Will they ever be ours forever?
………………..
(based on same theme but yet to decide whether to take them as 2 separate poems to be completed or as a single one)
........................
Hold onto to you I do,
Faithful I am,
Yet will destiny allow this dream to come true?
Positive I am,
Yet, can this moment be sealed eternally wonder I do,
Scared I am,
Distance is easy to bear,
Partings’ all I fear.

Though in different directions we may at times fly
Yet no need to cry
Fulfilling duties, staying united under the sky.

Give me magical wings to fly
To be near you, never to say bye.

So at each dusk in peace we lie
In relief we sigh.

Novels, the storybook land of wonder leave a part of themselves within us.
But in music we leave a part of ourselves
Ultimately going back to those phases whenever we read or hear that piece.
Or get transformed by mood, thought or action in first go.
Such is the magic of creativity
At times to me it surpasses even beauty

In life people don't really need help,or
encouragement, or support , they just need to be loved truly. They need to
be cherished and valued.That's why sometimes it helps so much to hear "all will be ok" when said and meant. Sometimes it helps so much when dear ones persist inspite of telling them that you want to be alone.

A saying that i read recently:

The
greatest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone wants you to be
someone else

2 random sayings which seem interrelated to each other in some waysand seem exhibit profound meaning ,that couldn't resist sharing them .......

If i am not for myself,who is for me?
If i am not for others,what am i?
If not now,then when?

The best to contribute in ths world is not to look for what the world needs but to do what makes you most alive, the world needs people who are most alive.

A long time overdue blog......This is with reference to my blog on pain....firstly it was a rare outburst and very different from all others,generally my blogs are meant to give hope.But this is"discovering life" and pain is a part of it.....whether we admit it or not...so i feel it necessary to convey it esp for the benefit of people who face such situations and understand it.Hiding pain ,being negative,emotional and speaking your mind are all different things.to speak ones mind genuinely is required..honesty of word and emotions is good.(in fact that what blogs also do occasionally!)But at times some situations do not demand that.Somethings you know are not important enough affect people close (and they are only ones who have the right to know them) simply because that feeling itself is exaggerated.And that also happens.....and in that case it is best to starve that feeling instead of giving it any attention.Being emotional is a trait...not something that can be classified as good or bad.And its degree also varies.Being negative is something people need to avoid...but i am by no means negative...no matter what else...my hope stays always...

The worst thing we can do is take ourselves too seriously sometimes...
i wish at times to remember...sometimes doubt your doubts...
But in the darkness of morbid human thoughts...everything becomes an exaggeration and seems hopeless.
And we seea ray of sunlight and realise all is well and only our eyes were closed out of fear....which mostly turns to be ok..at least in the end

Self dependence

In this world every man IS ultimately an island in a way...ultimately we are all alone.....maybe not alone as in lonely but as in we are or should be self contained....Self dependent....independent....

Change is the only thing constant in this world.Nothing lasts forever yet life continues.

Thus there is a great need to be independent.To be dependent on any person,situation or thing for happiness would stunt the soul from flowing freely and would make it difficult for the world that surround also...that burden of carrying dependence .

More than the above,its a matter of responsibility....we are all responsible for our own emotions ....happiness or sadness.We shouldn't expect external environment to change us internally.

This doesn't mean we don't get attached,it doesn't mean we don't trust ,it doesn't mean we don't love or live life fully in any way...it just means that our inner strength should be what should remain the same....and what we should rely on t0 sail us through difficulties.And should relaise that to experience life ..happiness and even pain is good...its a part of life...a part of our lives and we alone are responsible for it.So no blaming in times of trouble or going overboard in happiness.

This image on the left shows what i mean by dependence...in the first picture..a leaning line ona staright line...ultmiately either the leaning one would fall or the straight one would collapse under its weightThe rest 2 can interpreted as readers want.There is no right or wrong in this case.Just as long as no separated parallel lines...then its some way towards attachment...but not dependence.

Its good to take a break from the world every now and then...and be alone...listen to your inner voice and experience the peace around you.To take pride in your hobbies .....what you do out of joy...not out of compulsion or to attain a level of perfection.Sometimes its good to be passive also.

Sometimes expression in words has a great way of hiding what we truly feel.

Pain

Pain is an exaggerated emotion ...its spiral in nature...the more we try to go away from it...its root...the more it widens.....covering even those aspects of life which had been spared earlier.The more we try to express it, the more it deepens.Cutting us,slashing our hearts ,ripping out our souls. Tears unleash. There is no respite.Sometimes even no tears.Sometimes they dry too soon,unwilling to give warmth and company.And leave us alone,cold.

The only way out seems to restrict it as close to our hearts as possible,as far from the outer world as possible.Narrow its path,hold it ,convert it to circle.Give it a well defined boundary.That will give shape and reality.Don't allow it to escape it wants to,because it won't...it will just spread further in that case.

Why are we not allowed to live the way we want to?Especially we would cause no harm by doing so?Why in this world we get told:" we live only once" and should thus live each moment fully,yet when we try to do so,the world goes against us due to its stupid norms which has helped noone and to me seem utterly useless.I for one,refuse to follow.Call me a rebel ,call me crazy but I refuse to follow anything if it goes against what my heart says and cannot even be reasoned out for me. I believe in following my duty and giving the world my best but to do so I require freedom....freedom to make mistakes.Freedom live life my way and still be respected ,at least by people important to me.And this freedom as of now IIdo not have and can only crave for.

Listen to your heart

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."Helen Keller

So true.And emotions cannot be thought,they can only be felt.They have no logic,only instinct.Think about it...joy,fear,love,peace,excitement.....how many times it happens that we feel all this but can't undestand why so.So many times we just have a good or bad feeling about something but can't explain it.So many times our heart beats in a way which we understand but only silently.Not houghts are required to truly feel or understad the language of heart.Its all so well defined in Paulo Coelho's Alchemist.But i won't quote.Those qoutes need to be imbibed in the flow of the book,not just read.Even 11minutes defines certain aspects of life so well.That's how it is with certain novels.Some aspects are there to be imbibed and the rest is only there to provide the background for what the author is trying convey,or rather our interpretation of what the author says.Like in these 2 novels,the story is like a background and the hidden lessons are the theme,at least for me.

Two sides of life

To truly care means never to expect anything in return and never ro regret it.
But care also requires thought.It should be given to those who deserve it,need it and appreciate it.To show appreciation is not necessary.But it's a wastage of emotions,of energy, of time to care for people who don't value it simply 'cause they don't need it or acknowledge it. That's a mistake we may make but it doesn't make us bad,just makes u sad!Makes situations in life seem hopeless.Makes life a nightmare,from which we wish to wake up.
:(


The other case is to truly care or love and be cherished even without expecting it.That's lucky and that's what makes life so beautiful.And makes those other sad moments worth it.Makes everything in life seem perfectly wonderful.Makes life seem so dreamlike ,that we feel afraid to be woken from it.
:)

Sometimes it feels wonderful to be complicatedly simple rather than simply complex.
Just like this sentence!

Remember"It's my life"

This is one statement we so often forget.The focus our our lives has to ourselves.This is not a selfish attitude but an attitude required to truly and fully live life.The best way we can go about making our lives simple,uncomplicated and most importantly ,happy, is by being independent.Why "most importantly" happy?Because we need internal well being for any kind of extrenal goal.Even if success means making a difference to the world,for that we first need to make a differnce in our souls.We need feel good ourselves to make others around us feel better.

For all this ,we need to be independent and responsible for our own selves...our feelings and our actions.To depend on others,not matter how important to us, for happiness for instance, hampers not only the relation but also our own emotional well being.Yes external factors do influence us,and yes, people close to us do affect our emotions.But to be affected and to depend on are differemt issues.Its ok to be sad due to external factors ...it just goes to show we care.But there's a problem if we "only" find happiness externally.If, in spite of all that's happening in our lives externally,we can take time out to find solace within ,or to find joy in some simple activity when totally on our own,we are in control.True happiness comes from within....at least the form that is permanent.

External situations may make us feel great and that's good.We should be grateful to life when that happens,but at the same time not start waiting for those situations to be repeated to feel happy. In other words,don't expect much from the world but be happy when it gives a lot...still knowing that you will at least survive if you are deprived.Knowing that you have that much courage.

Painful satisfaction

One of the saddest quotes i have ever come across.....

"Life is a burden to be borne as long as one must,but cast away at the earliest oppurtunity"

What's sad is that at times of misery,it's so easy to believe this and get a kind of comfort in it for all its negativity.

Why am i writing it if its so sad?Because at times we all feel low and sadness has a way or exaggerating itself.This quote should read when you happy...to make you realise when you are sad that its an exaggeration to feel it too deeply.Ultimately life is how we take it....a burden to be cast away or a gift that has been lent to us....depending on our mood.

Dreams

"Life is scary when dreams come true"but it shouldn't be .Sometimes dreams do come true........and then its important to just live them.When we have a dream,its belongs to 2 categories...either we just want to live on dreaming about it...that's perfectly normal.Some dreams we don't want to have as a part of reality.Their purpose is simply to re-enforce our faith in life.Then there are the dreams which we do hope will become a reality.Some of these we have control over...and they become ambitions for which we toil.But some we have no control over and can only be left in God's hands.These the ones which cause most anxiety and pain.If they don;t come true,we either get frustrated or keep waiting and hoping.
But sometimes dreams do come true......and then its important to live them fully.We need to accept the fact that if God bestows them to us then we deserve them.And they won't be snatched away unless they have served their purpose and are replaced by better ones.What is essential is that when we are given happiness,we should be grateful for it and value it instead of worrying that it will disappear sooner or later.At times we need to stop worrying and take time to realise how beautiful life really is.

Each to his own

Life changes.And it teaches.It teaches us to realise what we look down upon today maybe what we become and understand tomorrrow.And so even our views can get modified at times...we can realise that somethign which seemed strange now seems fine when we relate to ourselves.It only seemed different when we saw it from others' context.With experience grows understanding and with understanding grows accpetance.Nothing in life is ultimately bad.It's our thinking which makes it so-beauty does lie in the eyes of the beholder.So do good or bad attributes and views.

Trust

"Trust is giving someone the power to hurt you and yet hoping and believing that they won't misuse it."

That's how i define it.But i am told its a fuzzy thing."It can't be exact ...it can't be discrete...either 1 or 0.It's usually in between" i am told.But well that's just not the way things work according to me.

If we trust someone then we don't try to protect ourselves from them.And if we have to do that then we don't truly trust them.

This one blog defies the title "discovering life" in a way.Its not a generalised article and yet not a completely personal article.Its something I wrote for the college magazine but a bit late.So its more formal than i wnat my blogs to be genarally but Ido want to write something about college life and its too difficult to give a detailed account...too many memories to embed.So here goes.....to my college friends.....


“And yet not a dream, but a mighty reality-a glimpse of the higher life, the broader possibilities of humanity, which is granted to the man who, amid the rush and roar of living, pauses four short years to learn what living means”

This seems to sum up all that college represents to me. It’s a transition phase, a phase when we haven’t fully crossed childhood and still on the verge of embarking the world of adults. A transition made so much easier and pleasant by MSIT amid the comfort of its warm red-brick structure. I remember how many of my friends used to complain about the building seeming half-built but I always loved the way it looked, red brick building in the canopy of beautiful greenery.

!st year brought about with it, a series of changes, making me realize that life would never be the same again .It also gave a sense of independence-from choosing what to wear each day, to boarding buses, to going to the Freshers’ party- I knew college was DIFFERENT from school. Slowly the changes started to settle in. The laughter, the yawns, the moans and groans with same people everyday brought friends together- friends worth keeping for a lifetime. Together we had canteen discussions, bus discussions, together we bunked, together we slogged, together we went to District Centre- a favourite haunt of all MSITians and together we went participating in fests and of course not to forget-the Ed board meetings.

Finally when placements started, I saw how vividly college had bonded people from different grounds together. The joys and sorrows in placement processes can never be forgotten. These 4 years have helped so much in the overall growth.
Ultimately credit goes to MSIT for giving all a solid ground to stand on after college. Many careers have been made here but more importantly, it’s equipped us to go into the adult world that now beckons us.

During this last year most people have been busy in various entrance exams and college has not seemed the same with half classes empty. But it does make me realize the value of these beautiful memories created over the span of 4 years .Ultimately we take the best of each phase forward for me that includes all the lessons learned here –about life and of course my friends-some there since the start and some of us got to know each other so late that I wonder why we waited so long. But each is a treasure worth keeping. Thanx MSIT for such glorious memories and for making this journey so beautiful and experiences so enriching.

NEW YEAR

A new year....new hopes..new dreams and lots new goals...isn't that what it holds for all of us?
But somehow i believe life is not really divided that way.....a new year,though an ideal time,is not the only time to make fresh beginnings.We need to make them as and when required...and in fact when we don't then we are forced to...
Life is divided into various phases...each bringing about new people,interests and dreams in our lives.Somehow once a phase gets over,those doors close forever and we are never really able to go back..even if we want to.But we carry the best of each phase ahead with us in this journey called life...the rest the are left behind but remain in our hearts as treasured moments...'coz each phase has something new to teach us and has some beautiful memories to leave behind...
Sometimes that makes it tough to accept reality...we wonder if we will lose what we have today but we need to realise that ultimately everything becomes ok.God doesn't ever put us in a situation from which we can't get out.So we need to have faith and enjoy each phase...after all the best continues.....and the rest well...it come again in a different form in the new phase....

Some things......

Some things are just meant to be…accept them…
Stop your inner strife
Don’t battle with your life
What will be,will be
You can’t find every lock’s key
So sometimes just giggle with glee
You are capable,you are good…believe it.
You deserve a beautiful life…accept it
You deserve love…value it…
There is joy in this world….feel it.

FEAR OF JOY
Life is scary when dreams come true..
Life is scary when something is new...
Life is scary when you get more than your due...
Life is scary when happiness fills it and moments of sadness are few...
A fear uncomprehendable ...
Of losing all that seems dependable...
But in this fear there is bliss so deep and rare ...
As if even happiness is more than easy to bear...
We get so used to crying ...
Done even realize when our problems die...
Fail to see beauty of life..oh !so undying ...
But all our hopeless notions does life defy...
And emerges victorious making hearts fly ...
So soar along and let fear pass u by…

Is nacheez ke nakaamyaab haathon se kya umeed rakhen hum?
Socha tha hogen safal par vo bhi nikala ek bhram
Umeed tootne pe mile bas ghum
Par phir bhi umeed ke sang hi badte chalenge jab tak hai dum….

Do you believe in yourself?

It's easy to answer this question straight away....but wait...
believing in ourselves can be seen in two major extreme situations....
...when nothing is working right.
...when everything is ok.

Hope do you react to such situations?
When nothing is ok, do you crib and cry?What is the first thought that comes to your mind?That you are no good or that you could have done better or that you will do better.This shows attitude towards life.

But there's a second aspect to be considered...when everything is ok, rather when everything is perfect...what then?What do you feel?Surprise?Shock?Or a sense of peace that you got what you deserved?
Or consider when someone praise you..what is you reaction?Deep inside do you believe it or do you feel they are misguided?The answer to this shows your faith in yourself.This second question was the reason i realised having faith in yourself mean a great deal more than just staying up when things aren't working well.

Relations

Somethings just don't change............like some views about life....their forms may change but essentially in our hearts the believes remain the same.....like some poems which may be written long ago but are always as precious and close to the writer...

Relations

Nothing lasts forever
People in our lives come and go,
Relations fade and grow
Some as vital as breath,
Others lost in our hearts, somewhere in the depths,

Some die midway,
And leave us in pain,
Some bring joy,
But are only a pretense,
And fade away with change and time
But some grow with you,
And yet do even these last forever?
I wonder . . .

Every relation can be divided into different stages,
A great beginning,
So beautiful that life seems perfect . . . as if nothing can go wrong
Life seems dreamlike
A middle, like the calm before a storm,
And them suddenly one day
The dream breaks,
The heart shatters at its very core.
And out comes a stream of pain,
A pain so great that to kill,
To see such a beautiful relation chill.
People once so close suddenly seem heartless

It is at that time when strength of every relation is at its’ test,
Can we ignore faults and look for qualities that are their best?
Can we take cruel words of a loved one as a jest?
Do we fight and just rest?
Or do we try to sort out the mess?
Be willing to give more, never less,

For only those survive the time and its strains
Where trust and not doubt reigns
Which were sublime,
In which for both but the other is of importance prime.
Little gestures decide the life or death of a relation,
Give in sometimes, even if you are right,
Forget your ego and might,
Sometimes, let the heart rule over the brains.
For even a pearl is made out of tiny grains.

Life goes on

A poem which seesm to describe all that life represents to me.



Life goes on…
Grief comes, shocks and passes by…
We stand stunned, cry…
Then slowly move on, waiting for the aftershocks to be felt,
Taking all blows life may at us pelt,
At the same time take life as it has been dealt,
Nothing lasts forever yet life goes on,

People in our lives may leave
But life continues as if untouched,
Even if we feel as if fighting death each day….
Why meet at all some may ask,
But noone would have it any other way,
We treasure memories,
Long after losing the person….
To death or to life itself.

Sometimes it feels we wont make it after so much pain,
But life shocks again,
A new phase comes,
Old gives way to new,
Just when we have given up hope as if on cue,
In this new phase we don’t lose the old one
It keeps coming back like a friend to show us the way.
The person maybe faraway,
But the lessons, the memories stay,
We can’t go back
But we can watch that time like a play,
The characters that were once life now from our lives are astray
They may be near but we can’t reach them in anyway.

We look into the mirror of the past:
And see another stranger…ourselves.
How many lives do we live in this one big journey,
Where change seems the only thing constant?

Life keeps rushing along,
Ultimately pulling us with its flow.
Even if we want to wait for someone,
Someone we seem to have got used to,
To enjoy the journey with,
Only to be dashed to the rocks of hurt again.
Then another helping hand in pain,
The hands keep changing
But the pain, the recovery remains the same.
Are we heartless of is just life queer?
Do we change or do circumstances around us in this way steer?

WAYS OF LIVING

THere are so many ways of living life..i found three major ones........yet i couldn't understand which is right...all are right in their own aspect.......all are so different yet they lead to a common destination.

Some people are workaholics...for thm the aim of life is their work.It's their passion.It's their life.Sometimes for it, they ignore everything else.Sometimes they even seem callous because of it , people call them too competitive ,too selfish but then i relaised they also have role to play in life......through their.if they are sincre in it then the efforts last much longer than their lives and help people even if they themselves don't.

Another kind is those who are philantropic.......those who give themselves selflessly......who just strive to help others in some or the other way.But they have no personal life and no productivity that is tangible.Some may call them fools ,some may call them crazy and escapists but they do what they find right.
Yet another kind is those people who concentrate only on enjoying life and being with loved ones.People may say there is no greater purpose to life but that purpose also in itself is great.They makes lives of people ,even only few people realy wonderful.So they also contribute.

Now the confusion.......What should we ultimately aim at...work?But that makes us materialistic at times and withdrawn from life at other times.

Relations?But they dont' last ......the most any relation can last is a lifetime.After that we don't know what happens..we lose everyone close to us someday...it's harsh but the truth.Do we ever see them again or not are questions can ponder upon but never know for certanity.

Social service?It seems the best but then not everyone is meant for it...as in to make it the only purpose of life....some people need tangible results to work....peolpe need relations also to sustain themselves.Its not that easy to be that selfless....very few are...and not all are meant to be...

Onething i realised that is constant or needs to be constant in this world......to learn.If from every experience....in any of these 3 ways of livning or some other ways,we learn something, then we are sucessful....but what is required is share those lessons.Knowledge is not mean to be stored, its mean to be spread.In life we need to grow constantly...from ours or our peoples' good or bad experiences.And help others also grow.

MY MUSES

Sometimes textbooks teach you so much more than just theory and facts.......for example statement that seems like a treasure that i recently read.......
"It requires mental toughness to endure inner pain.We need to plan for the best, be prepared for the worst ,expect surprises but continue to move forward anyway."
One statement but so much depth........and what's surpirsing...the source is an Engineering textbook!!!

Take the part of expecting surprises....ulitmately nothing lasts forever yet life goes on....nothing is constant in life..neither is it meant to be.And we know it but aren't willing to accept it.We know we change constantly.We know people around us change constantly.Yet we fear it.

If our expectations are fulfilled ,we fear that in future when they aren't then we will be so disappointed...and if they aren.t then also we are upset.
We need to stop struggling against life so much....what will be,will be.In today's world there so much inner strife,so many complexities that we forget the meaning of life in it.We arent'n touch with ourselves.The simpler, the better.........less we analyse anything the easier it gets.We tend to make simple situations complex.And forget the simple joys of life....
The past is over..it won't come back..good or bad.And it's ok, either way we learned something from it.The future is not something we control by thinking about it...if something has to happen, it will happen anyway.There is no need to expect anything in life....and that doesn't mean that we stop hoping.....hope is the belief that something good will happen or that things will improve.Whereas expections are the result of something we do .........what we expect as a result of actions.Yes we do get results but they may seem random.Life is a mirror but a distorted one...it reflects all that we give to it but in various forms.We may give kindness and may get hurt from that person in return but that doesn't mean life is unfair.It just means God didnt' choose that particular person to be the source of kindness in our lives.It doesn't make them bad either.


It's all around us...this strange kind of negativity.........2 lines i have heard so many times in life but can never undestand why they should be said
"All good things must come to an end.."...........Well all bad things also come to an end so why point out only about good things?
Another one
"Somethings are too good to be true"

Why this statement?????????
NOTHING is ever too good to be true unless we make it.
People keep saying that they aren't worth it or they dont' deserve what they want but that's never really true..........there nothing that we cant' achieve if we try and if its' achievable and we get it then we obviously deserve it.
Same way...people say they dont' deserve to be loved ,well for that i have answer
"When you are treasured and valued,it doesn't make the people who value you great.......don't be in awe of them...,it doesn't make you great........dont' be too proud....it just makes life great.....love it and accept it.

ae dil zara sambhal,
apne armaanon ko yun naa tu kuchal,

kahin door jo manjil hai use na khona tu,
apni rah mein khud hi kaante no bona tu,
aage jaana hai abhi,yun naa sona tu,
choti-choti haaron pe yun naa rona tu,

zindagi naam hai sabr ka,
isse ek pal mein yun naa chodna tu,

pachtaye baadmein aesa kuch naa karna tu,
umeed thame rakh,tootne se yun naa darna tu,
dosron ka sahra to bana hai,par khudki aakhen yun naa bharna tu,
zindagi ka kuch waqt hai tere pass,usmein pal pal yun na marna tu.

To thine own self be true

Somethings i realised recently and some which i re-discovered .......this time some answers instead of questions........

• It's ok to make mistakes or rather everyone has the right to make mistakes.This is a small sentence but it weighs a lot....it can change everything about life.

• It's ok if you dont' always excel or even fail at times...it doesn't make you anything but human.

• It's ok to be angry....there is nothing wrong if you get angry at friends either.It's ok even to overreact at times....

• It's not just ok but its required to assert yourself at times....to say "no", to say so when you have a problem with something....

• It's ok disagree with friends......disagreeing doesn't mean misunderstanding.It just gives you your own individuality.

• It's ok if there are others who don't like you.Not everyone is expected to.It's ok if you dislike people also.....but disliek shouldn't turn to hatred.

• It's ok if you aren't at completely ease in the presence of everyone...as long as you are your trueself always.....we all have different comfort levels and we need to learn that just because there are people who aren't in our comfort level ,it doesn't mean that something is wrong with us.Neither should it mean that we start disliking them.Just accept them and accept ourself...just this knowledge will make it easier to be around them when required.

• It's ok to feel whatever you no matter how stupid it seems as long as you acknowledge it.Ultimately we are all responsible to ourselves so onething that is essential is to know yourself and requires being honest to yourself...and it's not difficult but it requires courage .And once we are honest to ourselves...everything is easier...to open up to others is also much easier...

• It's not required to always judge yourself .......sometimes acceptance is also required........there is no need to change unless you feel your present situation is affecting you or someone else adversely.Everyone has their own pecularities.....love yourself for them.....

• It's ok to be "weird" at times!

• There is nothing wrong in pointing out your strengths or being praised ........many people can find faults in themselves,can take criticism but not praise(of course not to be mistaken with flattery)...its important to be humble but its equally important to believe in your good qualities.

• Don't regret anything....eg:if you take time out to enjoy yourself......don't feel guilty about later on.......live each moment fully....you owe it yourself....we can only truly help others when we are at peace with ourselves.

A saying I read many times but am still trying to implement..."Don't give explanations to anyone......your friends don't need them and others won't believe you anyway".
It's difficult to practise this if you dont; do it instinctively ....to me it means being secure in the presence of others and truly accepting yourself as a worthwhile and important being...it would be surprising to know how few people actually believe that truly from within....and it has nothing to do with outer confidence.....

Our actions shouldn't depend on our prediction of other peoples' reaction to it.

What to strive for?

A few more questions that made me ponder recently...
Should happiness be the end result or the means?I mean suppose we aren't successful ...in some aspect...in work maybe...do we still deserve to be happy?Is happiness something we should earn or strive for?Is it ok to be happy even if you aren't successful?Or is being happy being succesful?Somehow i don't agree...we maybe happy and yet unproductive..so that isn't successful.

Of course another aspect to be considered is that we are only truly happy..in the long run when every aspect of life is right.But that doesn't usually happen and after a while we learn to accept thing as they are and still smile.Is that laziness or is that positive attitude?All i know is that it's much easier to be happy than and that we only truly give our best when we at peace with ourselves

A confession

For a long time now i have been pondering over this and finally i had to write..even with all papers overhead...

Actually i seem to have realised that with time, sometimes we deterioate.I confess, with time my nature seemed to have gradually degraded.From a child, to a teenager to adulthood ,from nursery to schooltimes to college to working people, we all do change.Somewhere along the way, many times we lose our innocent ideals...not purposely...but maybe with blows we weaken or maybe we just become a bit cynical.It happens, in different ways with everyone...In some ways it happened with me also.
But as the saying goes"better late than never" and its never to late to change.
I have realised these changes before too late and for i am grateful to God.As a kid ,there are many things we learn"say no to poly bags,firecrackers,save water" and what not....and some of us actually follow them.But when u come across a society where everyone flows in the opposite direction ,it is easy to be mislead...the challenge is not to allow yourself.

As kid, we also learn many other values..one in particular..selflessness or.. as a motto i remember"service before self".Its easy to start off with but with time when all we see around us is selfish people..people who push others to move ahead in the race of life....we do wonder how much worth these values are.Some lose them totally and become hardhearted..others follow them but not with the same devotion as earlier...afraid of blows...and even then they are called foolish.
I thought these were the only 2 categories of people possible...those who don't follow those principles and those who follow but with tint of practical edge or maybe a tint of fear ....as its said"once bitten ,twice shy".The latter do want to work towards the ideals but doubts creep in regarding the success ...like a drop in the ocean....i mean we wonder,"are our actions even worth anything?will they help at all even if we give all?"

But i realise very well now that all these are just forms of weakness of character...a tainted form of self pity ,self indulgence and self doubt.
And confess being part part of this latter group to some extent.

But as life moved on i came across people who followed"my ideals" better than me...who strived on in spite of everything...at first it irritated me , made me feel uncomfortable..till i realised what i was feeling was guilt...guilt of neglect of duty...

There numerous examples which made me learn..from the simple incident of friends arguing about not polluting,conserving electricity or when i saw people thinking about others at a time when i thought of myself...or just in general being more considerate than expected...about people and about the environment.These were strong people..who held onto their ideals in all circumstances.There were others ,who followed and got blows and afterwards felt cynical ..those i could understand.But to know that what you are doing is right and then not to allow anykind blow to affect you requires courage.I learnt a lot from all these instances...enough to grab hold of my ideals again......

i may have left midway but to truly realise a mistake is to correct it.And unintentionally done no mistakes reflect badness...at least i hope...


a prayer that i remember to make this clear

"Make me a channel of peace
Oh master grant that i may never seek
So much to consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul"


and another

"amazing grace!how sweet the sound..
that saved a wretch like me...
i once was lost but now am found
was once blind but now i see

towards grace that taught my heart to fear
and grace my fears relieved
how precious did that grace appear the hour i first believed"

To be or not to be..........

A few questions....what's better to trust and to be fooled or not to trust at all?
Whats better, to allow people to take advantage of you sometimes(because they will) or to be so careful that you are never hurt but that's just because you never allow yourself to feel anything?
Why should you have to make yourself horrible just because some others can't be good?
But else is possible?
People blame you for being fooled..never those cunning others.
There is no moderate situation which we keep seeking in life...either we remain completely pure and face the consequences in the name goodness
o
r
we give a blow for blow and destroy our soul in the process of defending ourselves.
There is no such thing as "partially trusting people"

The problem with former is that it doesn't allow us to be happy or at peace with ourselves in spite of the fact the we right.We wonder why we suffer having done no wrong.Life seems unfair.

And the problem with latter is that we are never happy primarily because we know in our hearts that what we are doing is wrong.To hold feeling against someone is almost worse than actaully doing them wrong... its like attacking from behind.
To trust completely and then have it broken is heartbreakingly tough,but to never fully trust out of this fear is equally distrauting.

The "feel good " factor

"The worst quite never happens...no matter what.
Ultimately there is some good in everything"

This is what is resounding in my mind these days.And it reinforces my belief in GOD.Every situation,no matter how hopeless it might seem,does improve eventually.I meaan, life seems so strange when moment we cry as broken forever and the next moment something happens and life is ok again.And its not always that something big happens, often its the small pleasures of life which make it so lovely and magical.
The small pleasures of being able to laugh your heart out, of being understood, of being successful(even if in just completing a day's schedule)...anything.sometimes hope comes in the least expected way,but we just know in our heart that now life will stabilise again...when there is total darkness, even a ray of light is enough to give us hope...and that ray always comes,we just need to wait long enough with faith...
"so when you want to give up, hold on just a little longer"
Afterall difficulties area part and parcel of life.Without them,we wouldn't be able to realise the value of pleasure.Pain not only makes us stronger but also helps us grow from within.We become more aware othes' feelings and situations only if we have gone through some tough situation.And in those hardest moments also do we realise the value of lovedones who are there to depend upon when most needed...it gives a sense of security and peace.And to be able to lift someone from that strom is better still.So next time you feel helpless, help someone else...and you will end up helping yourself!We need people around us.No man can be an island.We all need to be reassured sometimes,cared and cherished and valued ...It's a basic need,which if acknowledged would solve most of out confusions.Its ok to seekout wellwishers around you and ask for support when feeling weak instead of isolating yourself and brooding.And be willing to do the same for others whenevr you have the opportunity.The soul also needs to be fed sometimes.And it feeds on that"feel good"factor that comes when we are carefreely happy and relaxed and makes the heart cry out
"LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!"

You busy or what???

People keep saying "hey i am so busy ....i never had the time.......life is so hectic that.....blah blah blah"
Yes these days we never seem to have time do we?
For what don't we have time?
Oh we find time to watch our favourite shows but not enough time to chat to a friend.We find time to day dream but not pursue hobbies that fullfill our dreams.We find time to stay on the"net" but no time to sleep.

Ever wondered why???


Who makes our lives so hectic? Noone but ourselves.We try to hide ourselves behind defences of "being busy" instead of confronting to the fact that life "sucks".We find it much easier to stay busy rather than untangle the web of ur life.We just don't bother to care enough even for ourselves.So what to bother about others?i mean think about the last time you took time to appreciate Sunlight,rain ,sunsets,birds ......?


Whats the use of it then?ultimately we won't carry even our work with us but will carry the lessons.Ans learining is what we remember after we have for gotten.So stop trying to cram up life.To learn we must forget little worries first ............
Take to time live and learn...without being afraid of mistakes.

We all take time out to do things we enjoy but we just need to spend a few quite moments and realise what that really is.

And no I didn't write this to preach.I am a self-confessed busy person....almost out of home 12hrs a day.Studying later.Not having enough time for even friends till recently...not sleeping enough...snapping at everyone...

But I am happy now.Because I realised the value of little moments of life.......when this friday i tok time to appreciate the rain....when i just sat down with a novel the night before an exam...or when i keep orkutting....when i watch TV with my parents....go to McD's with friends.....


.........so basically whenever the pressures too much, i just let it fizz off and relax!And voilla!i am a new person all over again!Some may call it wasting of time.But what the heck!Its MY life and i am gonna enjoy it my way!

Loneliness

Sometimes so lonely at heart
When with loved ones we part
They move so far apart
It gets difficult to make a fresh start

Each tree I lean on breaks
And with it heart shatters and shakes
My soul trembles and quakes
When all around high are the stakes
A tiny blow is all it takes
To make life seem full of only fakes

Some Random Thoughts

Friendship is not about judgement but about acceptance.
If you someone to change according to your wishes then you don't truly consider them your friend.In friendship one needs to value the others' opinion.

The greatest need of everyone is to be needed.

The one thing that gets us into the worst kind of fix is "desire".When we desire something and we dont get it, we feel miserable.We keep chasing after it till we achieve .....to get our desires satiated.....but that never really happens.......
for a little while we feel calm but after that again our mind is in a turmoil.We look for something else to chase.That's the problem.....coz if desires are fulfilled they just lead to more desires.......its neverending process.And crazy too 'cause true happiness comes from within as i recently heard someone say.External factors can only influence it toa slight extent.

Invest in deals, invest in business
But never invest in relations
‘cause relations aren’t based on returns
they are based on giving and giving alone

Somtimes even pain is required...think about that when sad..sometimes it decreases the confusion of life even if it increases the complexity.........

Yeh bereham log na hote to yeh sitam na hote
Itne sitam na hote to yeh ghum na hote
Par ghum na hote to tere murhum bhi na hote
Woh naah hote to shayad hum naa hote

A real heart is also like this....so fragile,so beautiful,hanging onto dear life by a thin strand.Look at it and you feel it can break any minute.But don't be misguided by this appearance...neither here ,nor in life.Inside it's stronger than anything else in the world......ready to be able to bear any amount of wear and tear...for that strand that holds it is God's power.

Something i wanted to share with as many people as possible.......plz read "Mind Over Matter" in Sunday Times...whenever possible.
It never fails to ignite a spark of hope in life.Or give some new thought to ponder over.

think about it........

Existence is easy
Living is difficult
But existing without living is futile

.................
....................

Loneliness seems the only constant companion
Here where people rush and push each other

……………………………....................
……………………………….....................
I want permanence in my life
I want constancy in my life
I am tired of change
Even if adds a spark to life
It makes life too strange

………………..................
……………….....................
Stop resisting life
let it flow
Let people on their way go
Be it friend or foe
Stop all your strife

life is beautiful

this is one thought which i keep telling everyone.....all the time.....even the welcome note on my cellphone says this.....no rhyme in this one..but then poetry isnt just about rhyme always....more about the flow of thoughts to create a picture...to transform readers to a different world....

life is beautiful
even if hectic and stressfull
even if confusing and complex

life is magical
even if monotonous and dull

life gives security,continuity
stability in the midst of fear and unrest
external and in our minds


life’s a miracle
even if sometimes in a jumble

life’s a mystery to unravel
a wonder to stare at with awe
a challenge
even if tough….

kuch soch.....

waise to zindagi mein sau sapne hain
par sab kurbaan unpe hain jo log apne hain

mil na sake phir bhi koi ghum nahi
door rehne se pyar hota kum nahi

log kehte hain riste bante hain bigudne ke liye
dost bante hain jhagarne ke liye
par vo kya jaane ki zindagi bani hai tut ke sawarne ke liye

naa ki rishton se darke bhaagne ke liye

Zindagi

Palkon ke tale ansoun ko chupa liya..
Har kisko apna bana liya
Doston ko gale se laga liya
Kya karen jab doston ne hi dhoka diya
Aese laga jaise zindagi ne thukra diya

Har chot ko bhula diya
Phir wapas udhar lakar kyun takdeer ne hume khada kiya?
Jahan ki yaadon ko bhi humne apne dilse mita diya?

Gumon ko apne dil mein basa kar aaga bade
Gaironse kya umeed karen jab apne hi hue humse pare
Khud ko akela mehsoo kiya is aasman ke tale

Ek pal mein sab paaya
Doosre pal sab kho diya
Yehi hai zindagi
Yahan kabhie hai gumon ki chhaya to kabhie savera ho gaya