Discovering Life

A new year, a new winter:)

2012-01-02T15:06:00.007+05:30

These days all my posts seem to start with "It's been a while since I last wrote"...blogging is decreasing with time. I observed this trend in the gradual decrease in number of posts since 2008. Maybe there are less thoughts, less time. But I don't think it will end. It's good to have a space to come back to.

A new year brings about many changes with it, the first one happening today itself. I started appreciating winters. A casual comment by a friend stating that she had never experienced winters, made me realize how lucky I am to live in a place where I truly experience all seasons. And I am a convert now! I used to detest winters but this time I felt a charm in the foggy days and even foggier misty nights...

A hot cup of tea, maybe a bite of chocolate or two, a warm
quilt, a good book and off you go to the wonderland again....
A cold walk warmed by the hands of a loved one...
A bike ride through foggy misty lights making the world seem as if it belongs to just you two...

Be in it in isolation or be it in company,
winter certainly seems the way to be...

Many others also seem to share this view.....

There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself. ~Ruth Stout

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. ~Edith Sitwell

Winter is the time of promise because there is so little to do - or because you can now and then permit yourself the luxury of thinking so. ~Stanley Crawford

....... winter is certainly all about poetry!
Life changes our perspective. I, who comes alive in sunshine, now enjoy winters also:)

Switch off

2011-10-29T23:13:00.003+05:30

There so many situations in life on which we have no control at this stage, changes waiting to happen, life resisting them and it is human tendency to have the self "what if..." discussion.

"What if when I look for a job, there is recession again?"
"What if after I get married and have kids, they hate me because I am too busy for them?"
"What if I get pimples by this chocolate?"
"What if I smile at that guy person whom I know remotely and he doesn't?"
"What if I meet my boss about a doubt and he cancels my leave?"
"What if I buy this color and regret it because the other may look better if in the future I get some other accessories?"
"What if my plane is hijacked?"
"What if I enter the contest, win a prize, and fall flat when going to collect it on stage? "

And no this is not all me, I am just trying to cover the different possibilities.

So what!! 90% of these will probably never happen/not affect us for long if they do/ will happen when we are in a position to handle them. And in 99% of the cases, we can do nothing in the present to prevent anything, or actually DO nothing to prevent it. So the only action towards prevention is inaction. But Life can't stop due to fear. So inaction is out the question. Hence the need to switch off. Delay. Especially if it's a long term worry. You will still have time to worry about it in the future but you won't have this present moment back to live then. Take some worry-free time periodically. And throw out some worries periodically. Put them in the "to be handled later" tasklist.

"Life is what happens to us while we are busy making plans."

So lets take time to experience it.

So now I better get back to planning my tasklist!:D

The wait

2011-10-21T00:15:00.000+05:30

It's been over a month but the procrastination hasn't ended in many ways. There are times, when we know we are at the end of another chapter of life, at the corner of the road, with or without knowing which way it leads. And it makes us want to wait. Makes us just want to get started on it NOW. Just to know how it is. It's like when you are a few hours/a day before exams. The preparation may or may not be complete but you are waiting for them to get over. What happens then if suddenly you are told that it has been postponed indefinitely? Or that it may well be a surprise quiz instead of an exam? Unless you are grossly unprepared, you will not like this announcement. You will hate the burden and you will hate the surprise element. The freedom from exams will there and yet not enjoyable because you know it is lurking there somewhere.

And so the procrastination just continues. It may be in the form of having more experiences, more time for oneself or trying something new. And that may be good. To have the time to just be.To be able explore your potential, to able to widen your horizons, to be able to get to know yourself better for a change, or even make a few changes. And to keep doing something new means that the spark of excitement burns cheerily in life. But it doesn't change the underlying wait. The need for peace and stability. The need to just know.
And yet, once we do know, all we would want would be to have the excitement back!
It's a vicious circle. What do we humans really want in life, I wonder.

A new start

2011-09-12T00:39:00.000+05:30

With this new blog theme, emerges a new hope for a new better, start.
Procrastination has reached highest levels when you ....

spend more time on your template than actually writing
read away old novels not as a break but as the main activity of the day
when you get stuck but don't think of a way out, but take a break instead
when you get tired of those supposedly "refreshing" break
when despite all that, on Sunday night , you start waiting for the next weekend

Of course this list can go on and on....
But that would just increase the procrastination. Sometimes writing helps you get out of that. So lets start with a few random food for thought and see it progresses in the next few posts. These are some quotes from recent readings..newspapers, internet, novels...(sorry too many sources to mention!)....

1. It's not a miracle if it doesn't happen when you least expect it.

2. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you have to make it.

3. Follow your bliss, don't be afraid and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.

4. Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent

5. Sometimes, you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too, even when you are in the the dark, even when you are falling

6. It you allow yourself to dissolve for others, you will be transformed

7. Boredom, fear and anger are the reasons a gull's life is so short and with these gone from his life, he lived a long fine life.

8. My best friend is one who brings out the best in me

9. Too late we learn that a man must hold his friends unjudged, accepted and trusted to the end.

10. Good friends must not always be together, it's the feeling of oneness when distant that proves a lasting friendship

11. You can always tell a real friend when you've made a fool of yourself and he doesn't feel that you've done a permanent job!

12. Freedom is the very criterion that tests whether love is real or not. If love destroys freedom, it is not worthwhile.

13. Him that I love, I wish to set free, even from me.

14. If equal love there cannot be, let the more loving one be me!

15. I believe love and life can't be explained through logic and reason. They just can't. What the heart desires has no reason behind it. At least often not one that can be expressed in words

16. The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the others good qualities.

17. Don't be so busy capturing the moment that you forget to live it.

18. Great opportunities to help other seldom come but small ones surround us daily

19. Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you

20. Key to not getting bored is doing things as differently as possible

21. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up!

22. Dance for yourself. If someone understands, good. If not, go on doing what you love.

23. The difference between "ordinary" and "extraordinary " is just a little extra

24. The reason why great artists to scientists will work day and night neglecting to eat or sleep is because they are driven by a vision, something just beyond their reach that will not let them rest until they have brought it into reality

25. The secret to a rich life is to have more beginning than endings!

2011-09-04T21:45:00.002+05:30

As a child I used to cry when someone close left while they would go away sometimes laughing, sometimes with a sympathetic look which felt far worse. Nothing has changed in all these years. I don't know why. Maybe life is supposed to desensitize you as you grow and when that doesn't happen you get left behind and are kept wondering.

People in our lives

2011-06-22T01:37:00.000+05:30

Some changes just creep into you. Others, you just notice much later.

As browsed through my phonebook today, I realised just how much life has changed. There were of course some random people whom I couldn't place at all. But there were others. There people who had been sort of good friends once at a time and I suddenly realised that years had passed since we talked. There were people, who had once been pretty good friends, what with all their home numbers, parents number stored away so meticulously. In some cases physical distance changed relational distance also. And maybe at some level it was expected. There are people with whom you share great time but somehow you know it wouldn't last outside the given environment. It can make you feel nostalgic but it won't hurt much.

But there were people with whom friendship itself changed. Our opinions about each other changed. Values changed. And suddenly in our respective new lives, there was no space for the other. Happens. But didn't know it could. And each time you wonder about the whys and hows.

I felt strange as I deleted all those contacts, knowing my heart already had, years ago in many cases. Yet I felt at a loss knowing I was closing doors. Even if they had already been shut.

Sure, I may hear about these through friends, social network sites etc but that doesn't even make them "contacts".

And then I browsed the remaining contacts, ignoring "work related" ones. I found those who had grown active after my previous such perusal, knowing that they were the ones to hold onto, even with the distance. These numbers may not have been used that often but it was reassuring to know that good memories are created whenever they are.

There were those who are still uncategorised and haven't stood the test of time yet.

There were those whose numbers need hardly be stored because they are embedded permanently. And those whose numbers may not be used for months simply because of the distance but there are still embedded out there.

And then there are, the lifelines....

Reminds of the concept of reason, season and lifetime.

Life, a cake.

2011-05-28T01:23:00.000+05:30

If life is a cake, then work is just one piece of it. All the time.
So that makes...."work, a piece of cake!"

Ok ok, I won't try my hand at comedy now:)

But it IS only one piece. Each aspect is . Expect love maybe which makes the cream, character which makes the crust and the excitement which makes the icing. Materialistic Success/Fame is just a cherry on top.

The sisterhood of travelling pants

2011-05-15T02:04:00.000+05:30

This has been a wonderful feel-good series about friendship, love, families, life and how they all come together. Feels magical. Written in a playful manner yet as you brush it's surface , you realise it's deep enough for you to be touched, to learn about life.

I won't add much more except this one quote which I loved in the 3rd book. It is sprinkled with this and many more:

".....This was the future. Life would get busier and more varied, populated both by beautiful things and unfortunate circumstances. If their friendship demanded exclusivity or solitude, it couldn't work. If it required that everything go as planned, it would turn brittle, and ultimately it would break. On the other hand, she knew that if they could be flexible and big, if they could encompass change, then they could make it....... "

This is true for every relationship nowadays. and that's good but also kind of sad, even if illogically so.

Sleepwalking

2011-05-15T01:44:00.003+05:30

It's been a while since I wrote. I don't know what's happening , whether it's just me or in the air. But it's like I am sleepwalking, or rather sleep living. Just living each day, taking it easy. Not in a rush but also not pausing long enough to actually experience, reflect or even think about much. As if bidding my time. Waiting . But don't know for what. Maybe it's laziness. Maybe it's all the activity (not necessarily work). Maybe it's the in-between phase, when you know change is gonna happen but you can't see it yet.

It is said that you can't remember what you don't give your brain the time to process in the first place. Maybe that's it. The brain doesn't process life right now. So it's tough to remember what happened a few days ago. What I was busy with.

A kind of numbness sets in. You get used to everything with time, true.But I think I have got used to change these days. People come and go and it's normal. Routines change. Situations change. People get busy. I myself get busy. Yet it's normal. It doesn't affect as much. Life just keeps on moving.

Some might say it is good. Good to be stable. Good to be on the plain road. But I miss the rollercoaster.

I have got trapped into a lake. Scenic though it might be but I miss the powerful sea with it's bubbling waves. They may crash but they also take you high up, for a great ride. And it's worth it.

Maybe the only thing to do is write. Maybe this is what happens when you suddenly don't pen down stuff. It gets lost. Maybe to really experience things, you need to share them with yourself and writing helps in that.

The cup that counts goes to the team that counts:)

2011-04-04T22:34:00.000+05:30

Well it certainly turned out to be just that -a cup that counts and will probably count forever now! The above pic says it all for us Indians. Winning of the world cup was like a festival which all celebrated together irrespective caste/religion/region/gender or whatever else that divides us otherwise. It brought a strange frenzy amongst all us, we (most of all) missed schools/office if working, to watch India's games. We applied our own superstitions probably to make the team win from wearing tricolors/blue to repeating some action that seemed to "favour" the team at that instant, be it a specific channel, position etc. We waited with baited breath till the final six . And after the win, we called all over called and congratulated each other, probably as delighted as the team for that instant of time.

Well it's been a special time! And this cup's been very special. In more ways than the win. The team grew this time. The gen Y team. They learnt to handle pressure, they learnt to adapt to situations, be it a different pitch, injuries or toss. In the first game itself, against Bangladesh, our team achieved glory through Sehwag. They started the streak of high targets which seemed to ripple throughout the tournament. The game against England may have made some doubt the team but than it WAS a draw. So no one can say it wasn't close! And it encouraged teams like Ireland work hard enough to be of some reckoning, as acknowledged by their captain. The other wins may have been easy. And yes, we did lose to SA. But nothing disheartened this team! They came kicking back in the Windies game. Of course there were many sceptics who wanted the team to lose that match simply so that they won't have to face Australia but that was certainly not what the team had in mind as they cruised to victory! Beating the previous champions, the team moved ahead to the match of times. India-Pak. I don't think any of us fans missed that one! Till then, all probably secretly hoped for an Indian win but didn't know what to expect what with one tough match after another. And suddenly, there it was - the cup of all cups, just one step away! Yes, India had been in finals earlier, but this was a different team altogether. A younger, more passionate team. Yet a carefree one. One which could show aggression, but also one which could share light moments. There was no blame game, at least on field. A team which worked as a single unit instead of being Sachin-dependent. A team which supported Sreesanth when he couldn't bowl well, a team which may not be the fittest but leaped all around the place to save runs all the same. A team not only of pomp and show through Viru but also stability and perseverance through Gambhir, Raina and Kohli. A bowling unit which no only got wickets but which was also economical like Zaheer, Harbhajan and Munav. A team which produced all-rounders like Yuvraj. A team where people were given a chance based on the match in hand and not based on the big names. A team where the captain remained low-profile and non-aggressive and yet took responsibility on his shoulders when the situation needed it. A team which deserves every moment of this victory!

And yet, to me and numerous other fans, this world cup was not just about the team but about this man who may not play next. The little gentleman, whose names' refrains can still be heard if we try to recall the crowd in any of the matches. ...Sachin Sachin, Sachin Sachin, Sachin Sachin.........

The player who has the grace to walk away without waiting for signal. The player who would come to calm the crowd when unfairly given out. The stylish player. The small but powerful player who made cricket come alive for me and millions of others. The player who not only gave his best always but also went out of his way to encourage his fellow players to do well. The player who waited 28 years for this day. The final joy, well doesn't this image say it all? And of course the player who still has landmarks to reach which make us almost as excited as any cup...And the player whom I hope doesn't have to truly leave cricket even when his playing days are over. Because this is one player who truly makes cricket the game it is, for so many.

It all comes down to..............................................

2011-03-31T00:54:00.000+05:30

................................ZERO
This zero, invented by us Indians is indeed very unique. It's a great leveller.
No matter complicated the calculations, nothing is left the moment you multiply by zero. No matter how big a number we get, if there is zero and its companion ( nothing but a tiny dot '.') at the beginning, it all gets belittled. Whereas, the same zero . at the end, could increase it manifolds, proportional to its original value.

We all have our very own zero that centres us. And all we really need to do is figure out our zero and keep track of where it is. Keep it ahead of us and life's joys get multiplied. Let it go behind, and boom! Suddenly, there's nothing, no matter how great everything else is.

On second thoughts, who knows whether it is easier to uncentered, disoriented or centered and cruising but in a rollercoaster, never knowing what the next bend has in store. Sometimes there are no answers.

The winner stands alone....but why???

2011-03-20T00:42:00.002+05:30

****Warning : Spoilers ahead****

I think this book took me the longest time ever. Of course, there some that we just discard. In this case, however, I read half and discarded once. And then somehow, got back to it. It held my attention a bit more this time. Its not that its no fast paced, because it is, it's just that I don't know why it was written. Its too negative. Its interesting because it shows the other side a serial killer. The guilt, the doubts. But then it goes on to shows his blackness of heart. And why would such a person "win" in the end?

What I did like though, was the background. The author has embedded many gems of thoughts inside a gruesome story. Here are some :

"Normal is
-anything that makes us forget who we are and what we want ; that way we cna work in order to produce, reproduce and earn money

-making fun of anyone who seeks happiness rather than money and accusing them of lacking ambition

-Standing facing the door in a lift and pretending you're the only person there, regardless of how crowded it is

-Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won't have the energy....(there's a whole list, have shared the only ones I found most interesting)"

"Experience has taught that people only give value to a thing if they have, at some point been uncertain as to whether or not they' ll get it"

"People forget who they are and start to believe what other people say about them"

"Total power means total slavery"

"We all have a purpose in creation and that purpose is called Love. That love, however, shouldn't be concentrated in just one person, it should be scattered throughout the world, waiting to be discovered. Wake up to that love. What is gone cannot return. What is about to arrive needs to be recognised."

"Even if you're doing the same thing over and over, you need to discover something new, fantastic and unbelievable that went unnoticed the time before"

A talking match

2011-03-20T00:42:00.000+05:30

A conversation is like a badminton/tennis match. Except for the rare volleys, one person remains more dominant than the other. One may be more dynamic, pushing their limits while the other just somehow returns the ball back in their court. It's not always that they don't want to, they just can't sometimes.

Its rare to have players in equally good form. At other times what happens is we hear out those with whom we want to talk but don't get a chance. And we talk out those whom we just want to hear but they don't have anything to say.

Looking back, I want to say....

2011-03-14T06:47:00.000+05:30

So many times when we re-analyse any situation, we get this "oh, no!" moment when realise to our utter horror, how irrelevant/harsh/embarrassing we were. In a way it's only the middle one which keeps coming back again and again to haunt. All these moments especially seem to creep up on me when night is old, and yet sleeps creeps out of reach. It makes me wonder how I could have uttered/done certain things. If only that middle-of -the-night clarity had persisted in those moments!

Anyway, as I remain awake till morn in this night, I just want to apologise to all those who may have had to bear my wrong-footedness during such moments.

And for the future, may I reflect more on such sleepless nights and achieve greater clarity of thought.

dil dhoondta hai yeh kya?

2011-03-13T02:04:00.001+05:30

dil dhoonta hai kuch is jahan mein
ek nayi khushi udaasi ke saaye mein
ya koi udaasi is khushi ki chhaaya mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is andkaar mein
Ek umeed ki roshni is kaal mein
Ya ek andkaar is chamchamate ujaale mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is zamaane mein
ek humsafar is tanhaayi mein
ya kuch ekant is bheed ki parchhhayi mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is sangharsh mein
koi raasta is safar ke daldal mein
ya khojaana chahta hai vo isi sagar mein?

The little leaf

2011-03-13T01:07:00.000+05:30

I pity the little leaf

Noone notices it, all they see is the tree

The hugely spread tree

With millions of leaves

All overshadowing each other

Yet none do we see

Except for the tree

Who in itself would have hardly any identity

Had it not been for the leaf losing its individuality

It is the little leaf which bears it all

The brutal rain, the scorching sun, the dusty wind

And still stick to its stem it does

while crying tears of pain

which we see as beautiful dew

Or even after-effects of rain

while the strong tree stands tall

But finally the leaf loses the struggle

Withered, each falls

In its own time

Till all that is left is the tree

Only then do we see, it is empty

Without the leaf, its non-identity.

Nature is blissful :)

2011-03-11T13:55:00.000+05:30

I am lucky enough to take this kind of walk everyday:)

It's enough to fill ones heart with gladness!

PG Express 3

2011-03-10T00:56:00.002+05:30

It's now time for another PG Express (5) but as I scrolled through earlier posts, I saw this, and wondered why I never posted it. Maybe I got burdened by yet some more stress or maybe wanted to add more into it but forgot after a while but anyway, here it is, short , incomplete even but that's how life was ..almost two years earlier. Wow! Has it really been that long? If I hadn't checked the dates I could well call it few months ago. Maybe that's why this has been waiting (you know, I posted another PG Express in between, which should ideally be because this one still got left out ), because despite all the changes, life remained same in some weird way throughout this : "PG Express 3".

"Seems a long time since I wrote the first PG Express, yet it's not exactly because time has been slow or boring. It's just that it's been long in terms of experiences gained and in terms of changes.

From the time when I wanted to escape from here to the time when I felt insecure leaving this second home....certainly come a full circle...

It's been full of highs and lows...successes and failures. What has been constant is learning to work. And that too "group work"! That means knowing when to put in efforts and when to withdraw. It means days of frustration that you know nothing and guilt of letting the other person work. But it also means days of frustration when you do all of it and you wonder why. A good work-partner certainly makes life easier. To be able to shout at each at midnight after a submission and to be able to tease each other it next day shows the strength of friendship and understanding.

Work also includes "leadership" and the ability to handle deadlines and pressure. It means "people management " also. "

....but most importantly, it means how to handle "self" also.But more on that in the next Express.

It's nice to be imperfect

2011-02-28T18:20:00.000+05:30

So often we hear people say "Noone's perfect". I guess till recently, I never really gave it a second thought. Until a conversation with a friend. We all have our weakpoints, some which we may have struggled with all our lives. But what I realize now is that it is ok to let go. Stop the struggle. Accept yourself. You aren't perfect but that doesn't make you bad, despite your vices.

After a while what happens is that people close to us get used to it and accept it all. It no longer bothers. Maybe it's time we let it stop bothering us also. There is no crime in being imperfect because all of us fall in that category. Nature isn't perfect. But it's beautiful. Look closely at flowers, they will not be exactly symmetric, the trees also have their "fall",lines on our handprint are crooked but we made palmistry out it.We don't mind any of that. Then why mind our own nature especially if it doesn't adversely affect the world at large?

Minor skirmishes would always be there. If there was no noise, what would be the fun in image/signal processing?:)

The most excruciating seminar ever...

2011-02-21T22:53:00.002+05:30

The ingredients and process follows...

Your worst subject
Some old weird accented guy
No general type of topic seminar, instead lots of nitty gritty, equations and the depth of them!
No applications.....! Just your wondering mind with questions like "why are we learning this".................and a little later..........."how much longer"

..............a little later "my watch must have stopped!!!!!how can it still be just 2 minutes????????"

and a LOT later "well! It has to end in 5-10 minutes"

.............................30 minutes later ....................."How can a one hour seminar last 1:20mins????What they trying to do? Kill us???"

And at the end of it.................."I need to kill someone NOW ".

By the way, the seminar didn't end even after 2 hours!

Love is magical

2011-02-16T21:28:00.000+05:30

I think this is term which everyone has tried to define but noone actually can. Because we all interpret in our own unique way. And maybe there are no words to actually describe this emotion. One can only feel and understand it. But it fill life. It completes us. And acts like a security blanket which a kid likes to carry everywhere with it. I am sure many of have been through a phase in childhood when we had/wanted something which would always stay with us or maybe an invisible friend to talk to always or an angel/genie to look after us. We forget this as we grow up in a life of disappointment and with time, most of us lose faith in magic ever co-existing with life. Until suddenly, one day, if we are lucky, there comes someone who loves us and reminds us of that childhood dream, who fulfills it. And the world is magical again! And there starts our second childhood. No, not old-age but love. Love makes us see life again through childlike wonder and zest. Love makes us believe in magic.

Love makes us believe.

Blogging in happier times

2011-02-16T20:51:00.000+05:30

Why is so hard to write in happier times but one can't stop writing when upset?
I guess it's easier to write when you are miserable and confused rather then when things do work out for once. But why???

I want to write a nice and big post even though I don't know what's it going to be about. Well, lets see if I am able to. Blogging has become so scarce these days! These was a time when posts would just flow through my keyboard but now that's rare. Maybe it's because one tends to think and reflect less when there no despair. Or maybe one feels afraid of being thought of as "gloating". Or maybe it's just sheer laziness. I mean there is physical need to write when upset because you need to find a logical conclusion/a sounding board/ a distraction. Whereas there do come times in your life when well, you need nothing really and you are actually content. This is when dreams come true and before you get ready to chase after some more.

It is quiet, peaceful place to be in. Very much like the sunshine,a warm comforting bed after a hard days work, chocolate, a lovers arms, a baby's touch....

:)

2011-02-16T20:07:00.001+05:30

Life’s joys today remind me today of its twisted journey so far

So many sweet dreams lost along the way

Some so jeered,

Some were cheered but crashed anyway

And some just faded away

A heart that refused to give up

A will that faltered but never gave way

Eyes that refused to throw the rose tinted glasses away

A child who dreamt along falls and tears

Triumph comes to them for now God has banished all their fears!

2011-02-11T23:36:00.001+05:30

"After all, I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.":) (Anne of Avonlea)

2011-02-06T00:19:00.001+05:30

It is only after the rain that you see the beautiful rainbow, cherish it:)

Life is seesaw

2011-02-05T10:30:00.001+05:30

Life is seesaw, full of ups and downs.
God gives us dreams, God gives us the will to fulfill them.
God even makes them come true.
Why then is the world not always a beautiful place?
What goes wrong?
Even after experiencing miracles, common stuff hurts. Why???
Do we expect too much or is this just life?
In short, is happiness really not supposed to last or are we supposed to make a greater effort to ignore those skirmishes?
But if we try to ignore them but telling ourselves that they do not matter, are we not lying to ourselves? Isn't it better to be true to ourselves rather than ignore our feelings, our very nature?
Does truth end where optimism begins?
Is there even a line between the two?
Once an optimist now finds all this very hazy.

Oh what a beautiful day!

2011-02-02T17:17:00.001+05:30

The bright blue sky, the fresh green grass, bright sunshine and the cool playful breeze
new flowers cropping up everywhere, the chirping birds, the squirrels nibbling along the way
.....oh what a beautiful day:)
It's sheer bliss to be around such weather and to have the time and freedom to enjoy it.....
to it add the sparkle of beautiful company and there's no greater joy on this earth.....
Oh! I so much wish to compose a poem out of this but can't get anything right now.....maybe later...
For now lets just enjoy this song:)

Let us not let the bloggerworld die

2011-01-14T20:09:00.000+05:30

In the recent times, blogging seems to be fading out of our lives. Even for the most avid bloggers of some time.

The social networking sites seem to be killing the bloggerworld. Or is it us? Maybe the fast pace of life is getting to us. So we just like to post weird status messages and play mindless games instead of really thinking and sharing thoughts. This is not for blaming anyone, I have also been part of the same race. But after a while it gets to you. I personally miss blogging and more so the bloggerworld.

It was like a sea of knowledge and we collected a few shells here and there. And sometimes threw some of them back which others collected after the waves has cleansed them. Those were precious. Now they are like mementoes as the sea dries away.

Maybe all that is required is a droplet by all.

Blogging provided an outlet, a way of introspection, a way of sharing. Its been a great companion, this blog. Through the hectic exams, the weird moodswings, the soulful discussions, the fun and playful times, its just been great to have a piece which expresses that state of mind. And to see the readers response to it...sometimes it just gives whole new insight!

Basically to have such a space which is your very own is very very special. Try it. Especially for those who have written and stopped or have been thinking of starting to write or want to write but have "no ideas". You don't need ideas. They come as you get into flow. And till they do, don't worry. This is not a space where people judge you.

So long live bloggerworld!

A new year....as everyday life continues to be a new kind of miracle

2011-01-02T00:43:00.001+05:30

A new year is a time to start on a clean slate. A time to learn from the past follies and mistakes. A time to reflect upon them and move ahead.
And I really used to rejoice in that.
Yet this time, I don't reflect, I don't analyse. I just accept .
I don't want to move ahead. I want revel in the moment. And re-live it again and again.
Life was scary and suddenly , like a miracle, it all worked out.
And I didn't dare wonder why.
Because it seemed something like winning a lucky draw. But as I think about it now, I feel it was more like the feeling a stonecutter gets when his hundred blow actually works. A consistent effort, even if little, does yield results eventually I guess.
Life never stays perfect of course and I still have my share of ups and downs, but it's different now. Like I know that it DOES work out in the end. Like after witnessing a miracle. Emotions swirl but there is a kind of fearlessness that stays.

There is also a pang as this year I experienced the fragility of life and loss.

I could very easily say that this has been the biggest year of my life. In so many ways it's true. But I also know each of those earlier years was special and enriching in its own unique way.

Maybe that's all life really is. A bundle of experiences for us to learn from.

Ohhh! My blog will get boring if this is all I keep writing about!
But hey! I know there are going to be million new and very interesting experiences(and thus reflections) this year and I am looking forward to them and learning from them, sharing them.For now though, let me remain in this inertia.

A very happy new year to all.

The best

2010-12-26T00:16:00.000+05:30

This poem may not be a great work even by my standards but it's special as it is reminder of the fact that dreams do come true and life really is beautiful. 

Give the world you best

And the best comes back

Oh it really does!

And many folds at that!

God brings such joy  to our lives

that repay it we must says the heart

But “how to do so” wonders the intellectual part

An answer so simple that lies right before us, it does!

“Give my people what I give you”

Says the Great Almighty.

And you will have done your part

And so spread the joy as you move along in the path

And bliss will abound your heart, your life, your eternity

The world is one big Christmas tree with gifts ready for you to reach out

2010-12-20T14:25:00.004+05:30

"If you give the world your best, then you will get the best of the world."

Well I believe this.Dreams do come true. I know I have said this before also but it requires special emphasis because when we are struggling, sometimes we have nothing except faith and passion. It's like this statement

"It's really hard to wait on something that you may never happen but it's even harder to give it up when you know it's the only thing you ever wanted".

And I was always a firm believer of the Alchemist theory of the world conspiring to give you what you really desire. I believed when I didn't know. But now I know.Now I have seen it happen. And so I want to share the faith and hope with all. Miracles do happen in this world.

Basically each individual's life is like a puzzle. We come across pieces with experience.Some pieces don't fit and we throw them out. But some are pieces like treasures, to dear to let go. And we keep them in hope that maybe some day they will fit together. And YES, that happens. There comes a day when the pieces with you all come together to form a beautiful picture.Live in that moment. Take a snapshot of it. Cherish it! And when next time, you see more beautiful pieces, you will have this snapshot as proof that someday somewhere, even those pieces will fit.....

Chal pade magar raasta nahi........

2010-11-23T00:29:00.000+05:30

Such beautiful lyrics exist in this world that at times being an observer seems as delightful as expressing something yourself:

"Jaayenge kaha sujhta nahi
chal pade magar raasta nahi
Kya talaash hai kuchh pata nahi
Bun rahe hain dil khaab dam-ba-dam"

Reminds me of "ab yahan tak aa gaye hain ab kidhar jayen..."

2010-11-13T13:24:00.000+05:30

Life is beautiful !
God performs miracles.

2010-10-17T14:07:00.000+05:30

Words are like time capsules. Give hope to your words today and sometime in future, they will come back to reassure you

Ae mere dil kahin aur chal....

2010-10-17T00:23:00.003+05:30

Sometimes even words of others are enough, nothing more need be added.

Golden cage

2010-10-16T23:41:00.000+05:30

It's an old painting
The bird in the golden cage
It's an old concept
That humans, we age

But maybe, unknown to all
An invisible strand binds them both
and realise we do when we fall
that life traps us too

Like the cage, life is unknown to all
Like the cage, it glitters oh so golden
But as drawn to it we are more and more
Away goes our freedom, no longer do we soar

The bird makes the cage its home
Singing to all, known or unknown
So must we try to bring smiles as we go along
For only then do we deserve our feed

Yet with time, the bird continues to strive
To soar and again to its home fly
While so dazed are we with the shine
That the cage to us becomes the world

Until in bliss do we fly
Only to hit its golden walls
And catch a glimpse of the world
Which used to be our home

Some quotable quotes

2010-09-25T00:07:00.002+05:30

Some completely random quotes I came across recently :

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired

of doing the hard work you already did.

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

Pride, like laudanum and other poisonous medicines, is beneficial in small, though injurious in large, quantities. No man who is not pleased with himself, even in a personal sense, can please others.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another

person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who

have lighted the flame within us.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.

It's only words....

2010-09-22T00:44:00.003+05:30

....and words need not be crosschecked in every trivial thing. Silly mistakes are not a crime in a personal mail/ or even in bloggers world.

(Believe me all writers/editors of any kind will be disagree ....esp if they are the ones making the mistakes!)
Crosschecking can get compulsive in such cases!
I hereby absolve myself from this addiction!

To each his own

2010-09-22T00:26:00.003+05:30

At school level I wanted to become a doctor because I felt it was "good" and noble. There grew a conflict when I realized my passion didn't lie in Biology! It took me a while to realize that it does't matter how "great "the task you did is, what matters is how "great " is your completion of the task.

This also applies to choosing a research topic. You may be amazed by the many socially useful projects going on at various levels and wonder why you didn't choose them. But remember this ....
what matters is taking up the topic that you have a passion for.....and then making it great!

Creativity always finds its own use....incidentally I learnt this through an Archies comic for the first time! Just goes to show that you can find nuggets of knowledge whereever you look.

And the PG Express continues........

2010-09-21T23:16:00.007+05:30

What to pack before you set forth in your journey as a research scholar

What you should have........

Passion- to learn more than to succeed
Confidence in yourself
Persistence
Support system of people who have faith in you

And some others.........

Support of your guide
Trust towards your guide
A topic!

But these are common, lets move onto the fun ones which you should "pack" much like a first aid kit for a trip of wilderness :

Your favorite "failure poem" or rather motivating poem.Mine personally is "Don't Quit"
Support system of people who are willing to listen to you throw weird ideas at them of which they have little understanding esp at odd times....in the middle of the day (when all are working) or middle of the night (of course that's when it "strikes" us)
Motivational songs -the more dramatic the better-may they make you laugh at the minisculinity of your failure
A creative hobby for your emotional outbursts
Some stupid FB game which you play while "waiting" for your code to generate results or your brain to generate ideas!
A fellow research scholar for constant reassurance that you are not "the only one".
The key to your lab........few will understand this :P!!! (Yes, I do mean literally)

Whom to trust

2010-09-13T13:42:00.002+05:30

These days it is common topic of discussion about the extent to which we should share our information in social networking sites for anyone to view. Who would want to know your everyday details? Is it correct to do so?And is it even safe?

But there is a greater question. Whom to trust. In today's age openness has increased and with that we have put our guards down. We rarely hesitate while talking to people we meet everyday. We feel "what is the harm ?"And then get let down. Maybe it is time we think before sharing information. In many cases, it may not really harm us. But does everyone really deserve to know your personal information if they don't care? I would say not.

After much reflection, I revert to the old fashioned view of not trusting easily. It takes time to build.

This can also be adapted in the following manner :

"Don't share information with people whom you don't trust/like completely what you won't write on a social networking site. It may not always information which would devastate you if leaked but even the soft beautiful innocent secret thoughts."

Commonwealth Games-Show a little loyalty

2010-09-13T01:26:00.005+05:30

I think people need to give India a break. I am especially tired of Indians cribbing about our corruption and lack of resources and of people making predictions that CWG won't work in India. Some have even started talking about banning the games internally. I think they should sit and down assess their souls. They lack loyalty. If you haven't got loyalty, you have nothing. No matter what happens within a home, you don't go about slandering your home. So why do it to your nation? What is the media achieving by creating more and more doubts in everyone's minds? It's almost as if celebrities find this an opportunity to cash even if by creating negativity. If they want cheap hype they can do so AFTER the games. At least it won't affect the country's reputation internationally.

Whether the games are a success or not is besides the point.The unexpectedly long monsoons at least are not anyone's fault.But why can't they give everyone a break and just have faith, infuse optimism. Try to find something positive. Surely they can find something. There have been a lot many improvements everywhere. Why not concentrate on that for a change????????

What to do when sick and in bed

2010-09-13T01:09:00.004+05:30

I know I have written for a long time...been ill partly (just a persistant kind of viral) and then had lots to catch upto. But while ill, I realised one thing, it's boring! I mean no matter what the problem is, if you are unwell and need to stay in bed, after sometime the biggest problem is passing time. In some cases, this can be a short duration, in some though, it can be pretty long.So here I would like to compile a list of what to do's and would love others to add to it in comments. Some are pretty common but you get bored of them easily also.

1. Read :If not a novel then short stories.
2. Movies: Have a movie marathon day and try for a hattrick!
3. Serials: Watch Friends/ any old serial that you have watched earlier. The familiarity will bring comfort.
4. Listen to songs.
5. Take the time to catch upto old friends if can talk
5. In many cases, sounds just tend to irritate lots. So try msgs.
6.Crib. Everyone needs a good crib if they are in bed for over 10 days.
7. Cry if it helps. You don't need to save it for big occasions. It's ok to have a good cry once ina while for all the little irritations that pend up.
8. Do NOT plan work. It will just irritate more.
9.Think of beautiful scenes, scented flowers, babies,whatever works.
10.Comedy:Even stupid comedy shows will work for one day.
11. Write if possible
12. Plan on fun things to do later on
13. Think up weird healthy dishes which you are allowed to eat and try them.
14. And of course, sleep lots!
15. This is not always possible, but if it is, then go out for a while one day anyway. It won't make you much worse and it may motivate your system to get well sooner.

Leaving rest open for additions....(I know it's very basic list right now)

Which walk do you choose?

2010-09-13T00:56:00.003+05:30

Often we wonder why some people work harder for success than others. There is a reason. They want it more. Well some may say that's still unfair, I mean why do they who care more have to also work harder and even face more setbacks? But it makes perfect sense. Because as Emily Dickinson said
"Success is counted sweetest by those who never succeed"
(But of course never is not to be taken literally)
Only those who have earned it can truly enjoy the fruits of success. It won't feel right till you have worked for it. The feeling of self satisfaction will not be there without that. Success may not even be appreciated at times if one doesn't strive for it, knowing its value.

It's like a walk. You can either uphill and then downhill. Or you can walk the plain road, no bumps but no excitement either. To each, his own.

Individuality

2010-08-09T18:15:00.004+05:30

Since I have no new thoughts of my own, I will share others':)

This is a chicken soup story I really liked and want to share...it talks about individuality

Mom's Many Hats

From Chicken Soup for the Soul: Thanks Mom

By Gail Wilkinson

A child embarrassed by his mother is just a child who hasn't lived long enough.
~Mitch Albom, For One More Day

Most mothers wear many hats. My mother, literally, had a closet full. And, to my great embarrassment, she wore them in public.

Mom adored hats of all kinds -- the bolder the better. She had rows of tissue covered hats overflowing her closet and spilling onto attic shelves. Vibrant red straw peeked through one bundle, chocolate-colored felt from another, and an occasional ribbon or bow escaped the wrapping. Another child might have found Mom's hat fancy intriguing or exciting. Not me. In the small Midwestern town where we lived, practical, plain clothing prevailed. My goal was to fit in. Mom had a flair for standing out.

One frigid winter in my tender junior high years, Mom and Dad came to a basketball game where I was a cheerleader. Parents streamed in the doors, unwinding knitted scarves and popping off woolen caps. They wrangled their way out of sturdy parkas and canvas farming jackets. The crowd was similar -- bland and comforting. When my parents arrived, it wasn't hard to spot them. Mom was sporting a white rabbit fur hat with a leather bill (and it was "Belgian rabbit! On sale even, from Esther Kirk Boutique!"). It snuggled on the top of her head like a woodland creature trying to beat the cold. I hid behind my pompoms, waiting for Mom to find a seat and remove her hat. Nope! Too chilly in the gym -- the rabbit stayed in place all night.

A vacation photo memorializes Mom's favorite summer hat. The picture was taken on a road trip west, and we are posed in a Nebraska wheat field. Mom is wearing an avocado-colored short set that looks earthy in contrast to the waving wheat at our knees. On her head, however, is a bright orange straw hat with a bill wide enough to slice your jugular if you got too close. In the picture, Dad is keeping his distance. That hat thwarted my goal that vacation, of "not looking like a tourist." To this day, Mom sighs when she sees that photo, looks wistfully into space and murmurs, "I always loved that hat...."

Easter, as you can imagine, was the Academy Awards of hat exposure. One of Mom's favorites had a high, hot pink crown, completely engulfed with magenta flowers placed every quarter of an inch. The flowers carpeted the entire hat. Glorious! That Easter marked Mom's only attempt to pass on her hat obsession to my sister and me. She had purchased flower-encrusted headbands for us to wear. My sister and I remember that day as living proof that one's brain can be perforated by headband spikes. We swear that blood pooled on our scalps underneath the celebratory flowers. On the upside, I only have vague memories of the obstruction that Mom's hot pink extravaganza created in the pews that Sunday.

The mustard-colored English Bobbie hat was perhaps the most radical and surely the most embarrassing. Accented with leather braided cord, it exuded an authority that only a woman of confidence could pull off. Lucky for me, Mom was up to the challenge.I did not inherit Mom's flair for flaunting a fancy hat. I still, much like in junior high, prefer to fly under the radar. However, I have grown to appreciate Mom's courage in wearing hats she loved, even if they elicited public stares or groans from her family.

More importantly, I have received the powerful message of Mom's action: "Be yourself. Don't worry what other people think. When people are looking at you, hold your head high. Even if there's a rabbit on top of it."

PS:I sincerely hope I am not infringing any copyrights(it's there on their website)!

Solitude

2010-08-09T18:11:00.002+05:30

I have started enjoying solitude....and valuing it...for I know there will come a stage when I won't have any....of course of course I will blessed then to be in that state....

But for now....it's bliss.

And I guess that makes me a geek :(

Friends

2010-08-05T01:31:00.004+05:30

True friends are not just those whom we trust but those with whom we share a comfort level. Recently I noticed that we refrain from speaking our words aloud not so much out of fear of misunderstanding but out of an attitude of "why bother? "

I mean ofcourse we should given an opinion if its something vital ,but true friends are those whom we value enough to argue with them even over mundane stuff. Stuff that doesn't really matters to either. It could some stupid movie, some book, one third person, anyone. Mostly neither is able to convince the other about their opinion, but both feel good just to share their thoughts, even about random stuff. That's comfort level.

So if I argue with you, just remember that I value you :)

2010-08-05T01:28:00.001+05:30

Life is a huge puzzle. We each constitute but a single piece as we try to find the place where we fit in the best.

Everyday stuff

2010-07-01T02:42:00.003+05:30

It's the everyday stuff that we never notice which actually has the power of turning our lives upside down by its absence. Never take it for granted or when it changes, you will miss it without ever experiencing it fully.

............and we are never ever the same again

2010-07-01T02:27:00.002+05:30

"Be happy you that experienced the joy. Not sad that it's gone."I was told.

Yet it's tough. Life changes. You lose a lot to time and space. And you wonder if it was better never to have had it at all.
As I think all this, I am reminded of these lines which probably all of you have read in parts in forward or another :

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go... Some stay for awhile
and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.

They help our hearts to see that
the only stairway to the stars
is woven with dreams...
and we find ourselves
unafraid to reach high.

They celebrate the true essence
of who we are...
and have faith in all
that we may become.

Some people awaken us
to new and deeper realizations...
for we gain insight
from the passing whisper of their wisdom

Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

All these people have a one thing is common-for at least one moment, you experience a life with them which you never will with anyone else. And probably , never will again. But that moment will enrich your life in some form and so will remain with you forever.

Readers make any writing what it is

2010-07-01T02:13:00.004+05:30

Was just browsing over some older posts and realized afresh how good blogging is. It's a treasure of memories and thoughts associated with them. It's a whole lifetime in a nutshell, light kind of way. In some ways it is better then diary.Even the serious parts have a twinkle because mostly we try to generalize them. So the bitter edge , if any goes away. And whats left is what you learnt from that phase of life. Of course the comments make any blog what it is. They teach you, make you think differently and sometimes just give you solace from the "me too"s in them.
So here's thanking of all the fellow bloggers and readers who ever perused this space:)

Research

2010-06-25T00:17:00.004+05:30

Research is like living on a lonely island. Sometimes people get stranded on it and there's company. Otherwise there's just you and infinite space.

It's a place where time and tide hurry for no one.
It's a merry but lonely spring turning into a river which makes its own course as it goes along.

It's about having your cake and eating it too. But it's also about the weight gain later on!

It's a life box on facebook. You never know what turns up but you be sure you will some else with the same status update.

It's like being a king who who has no money.

It's like creating news but not reporting it.

It's like making castles in the air and being able to live in them too. But of course they are invisible so no one else sees them.

It's the equator between heaven and hell.

This song also defines it somehow...line by line...

Coding-a form of self expression

2010-06-21T23:35:00.002+05:30

Coding is a form of self expression. You have the thoughts, you just to express them in a way that the computer understands.

Change

2010-06-16T01:32:00.003+05:30

People say we can get used to anything. But there are many things one would not like to get used to. Or maybe that's how we feel at the beginning of any phase. Noone likes change even if they are looking forward to it. So of course dreading it , find it any unwelcome visitor who refuses to go. With time you could get used to his habits but you don't want to. It's much better to remember that it's a visitor than will go than believe that "this is the way of life".

But even better would be to take the positives out of any change. For example, in case of the unwelcome visitor, you may realize how you don't want to be. You won't want to come to him so you would work better! If that visitor is loneliness, that you might want to revel in solitude. Use it to do all you never got the time to do because as said here about space, it's never according our needs.

Belief

2010-06-16T00:08:00.003+05:30

A rose remains so even from a distance
You may not be able to feel its fragrance
but know you do that it exists

Authors of long ago inspire from a distance
You can never meet them
but know you do that on their words, many souls subsist

Success sometimes haunts from a distance
It may not be yours today
But you know come it will someday if you persist

Loved ones are sometimes apart in physical distance
You can't hear all the words, you can't feel the loving touch
But know you do that the love exists

A new world, a new post

2010-06-12T14:31:00.004+05:30

OK! So it's been a while! I know I haven't posted anything in a long time. But somehow I also felt as if blogging had got stagnated all around me.

Well I am back now and hopefully with a more regular thought sharing process in my system. The problem is that to share thoughts, you need to register them. But sometimes, you just like to be numb. Not feel anything. Not think anything. It's not always due to pain. It can be sheer laziness.But usually hidden beneath the layers of indifference, lies some kind of fear. A fear of confrontation of our thoughts.

The title is deceptive in this case. There is no new world right now, for me at least. Just that I am going live the old one differently. Like it is said

"We can never make a new beginning, but we can always start afresh and make a new ending."

It's time to wake up! And as usual, whenever there's work to be done, I end up writing. I guess people would call it procrastination but it does help clear the mind. It's like after a long slumber one needs to a cup of tea at least before starting the day.
AND when pulling all-nighters , that becomes several cups of tea. So maybe that's what blogging all about for me. It wakes me up. It makes me see reality as it is before me.

Would just like to add :

Rasta hai lamba
Manzil ka nishan nhi
Safar hai thoda akela sa
Dil mein humsafar to hai
Par ankhon mein uske kadamon ka nishan nhi
Yun to chalte chalte mur sakte hain hum bhi kahin
Manzil milegi har mor par hai ek nayi,
Par kahin aur jaane ki koi chah bhi to nhi

Ab yahan tak aa gaye hain, ab aage bhi jayen!!!

(PS :I know am a bit rusty ...been long.)
BTW, I like this new layout but more than that I like the variety that's been offered by Blogger. It's been fun trying out different types of layouts.

A flutter

2010-05-04T00:03:00.003+05:30

Life is really like a book. You may not turn back but your past will never really go away. It will remain engraved in the pages of your life. Sometimes a gust of wind will flutter the pages and take you back in time whether you want to or not. You can only watch it, can't get into it. So it's upto you to move forward again.

The Velveteen Rabbit

2010-04-28T02:44:00.007+05:30

Such a beautiful story and makes so much sense in the "real" world also. Here a few quotes from the same...

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit ........"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." (Isn't that what love is about universally! )

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." (so true...at least in case of true love)

"Once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." (Replace real with really loved...so true, love is the greatest beauty ever, so one who is loved is always beautiful)

aashayein

2010-04-27T00:26:00.006+05:30

aashayein aashayein aashayein
aashayein aashayein aashayein

aashayein khile dil ki
ummedein hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahi kuch bhi, nahi kuch bhi
   aashayein khile dil ki
 ummedein hase dil ki
 ab mushkil nahi kuch bhi, nahi kuch bhi

Perceptions

2010-04-21T00:02:00.003+05:30

There are so many perceptions to life. What may be right for one can seem completely wrong to another.
Wow! It's difficult to actually accept the fact that many times all opposing views can be equally right. But the only person who would know this is an outsider, hearing all points of views.

Life goes on.

2010-04-20T14:13:00.001+05:30

Nothing lasts forever

2010-04-05T21:00:00.001+05:30

Tan man dhan sab kuch hai tera
Swami sab kuch hai tera
Tera tujh ko arpan
Tera tujh ko arpan
Kya laage mera

Nothing lasts forever though it's still hard to believe this basic fact of life.
It haunts us off and on in different ways as we learn about the fragility of life itself.

Rat Race

2010-03-29T00:28:00.002+05:30

I withdraw from the rat race where noone gets time for anyone and everyone just wants to push the other down to outshine.
It's all so pointless when at the end of the long day all of us will lose each other into the same heap of ashes.
From now on I WILL slow down. I will not let this pace affect me. I will not let it make me hyper, "too busy" , angry, self-centered and whatever more it used to.

Kabir- eternal pearls of wisdom

2010-03-28T22:30:00.005+05:30

These are some words which may have been heard many times but hold new meaning for me.

Dukh Mein Simran Sab Kare, Sukh Mein Kare Na Koye
Jo Sukh Mein Simran Kare, Tau Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye
[In anguish everyone prays to Him, in joy does none
To One who prays in happiness, how sorrow can come]
..........
If we remain connected to God then we would not lose peace of mind, nor would we be agitated enough to be in anguish. But unfortunately during good times we remain too busy to remember Him. It's only in sadness that we recall this fact ........

Sayeen Itna Deejiye, Ja Mein Kutumb Samaye
Main Bhi Bhookha Na Rahun, Sadhu Na Bhookha Jaye
[Give so much, O God, suffice to envelop my clan
I should not suffer cravings, nor the visitor go unfed]
............
We don't need a lot of money. We just to need to subsist. If we have enough to subsist independently and enough to help anyone in need then we need no more
............

Kabir Man Nirmal Bhaya, Jaise Ganga Neer
Pache Pache Hari Phire, Kahat Kabir Kabir
[Kabir Washed His Mind Clean, Like The Holy Ganges River
Everyone follows behind, Saying Kabir, Kabir ]
....................
Make your nature good. Don't get angry, jealous or greedy. Don't speak ill of anyone. It's not a to ask but it is required greatly.
....................
Aisee Vani Boliye, Mun Ka Aapa Khoye
Apna Tan Sheetal Kare, Auran Ko Sukh Hoye
[Speak such words, you lose the minds Ego
Makes one composed, Others Find Peace ]
..........
It doesn't take a lot of effort to speak nicely with someone., to tell someone that it will be ok instead of blaming them for cribbing. And it gives peace of mind
..........

Kaal Kare So Aaj Kar, Aaj Kare So Ub
Pal Mein Pralaya Hoyegi, Bahuri Karoge kub
[Tomorrows work do today, today's work now
If the moment is lost, how will the work be done?]
............
Never put off anything important for later. You may never get a chance. Adn this is not just for work but anything in life. We get "too busy" for important parts of life thinking we will get back to them later.But sometimes that "later " never comes.
............
Maya Mari Na Mun Mara, Mar Mar Gaye Shareer
Asha Trishna Na Mari, Keh Gaye Das Kabir
[Neither Maya(illusion) Died, Nor the Mind Died, Die and die again People/Bodies
Hope and longing have not died, so said Das Kabir and left ]
..................
We live and die and this continues forever but what doesn't die is hope. Our soul lives on. And that is the essence of being even though the body dies.
..................

2010-03-26T23:56:00.002+05:30

Khwabon Ki Ye Duniya Hai, Khwabon Mein Hi Rehna Hai
Khwabon Ki Ye Duniya Hai, Khwabon Mein Hi Rehna Hai
Raheen Le Jaaye Jahaan, Sung Sung Chalna Hai
Waqt Ne Hamesha Yahaan Naye Khel Khele
Waqt Ne Hamesha Yahaan Naye Khel Khele
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Yahaan, Bas Kush Rehna Hai
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Yahaan, Bas Kush Rehna Hai
Manzil Lage Kareeb Sabko Yahaan Pe
.................
manzil pe aakar thame
tab socha to jana ki
kimti the vo raste ke lamhe

2010-03-26T23:46:00.003+05:30

Yahaan Sabhi Apne Hi Dun Mein Diwaane Hain
Yahaan Sabhi Apne Hi Dun Mein Diwaane Hain
Kare Wohi Jo Apna Dil Theek Maane Hain
Kaun Kisko Poochein, Kaun kisko Boley
Kaun Kisko Poochein, Kaun kisko Boley
Sabke Labon Par Apne Taraane Hain
Sabke Labon Par Apne Taraane Hain
..............................................and that includes me. Selfishness seems to have a Gaussian membership for an average person.

One doesn't realize it until there's jolt. But even then we are so much like robots that no matter what happens, after sometime we go back to our routine unthinking ways .....and get too busy to live with people. A numbness sets in. There seems to be no other way to live.
Example :Ironically it's often the case that one will be too busy to visit a sick person but not for a funeral.

What should one strive for?

2010-03-17T00:52:00.006+05:30

Adult life sucks!
As a student, you don' have to worry about what happens "ahead". Only on how you can make "future" better.
Suddenly you realize this is future. This is your career.
OK , I love what I do. It's what I wanted to do since childhood, it' my dream come true. And STILL I am miserable! And I used to be the optimist!

It's just that you come to a stage of your life when you don't know what is right.

Before you all get impatient, the reason I miserable is because of stress. And stress is not even work related. It's more like finding gold mines after coming a long way in space and time , and not having sacks to fill the gold in...because of administrative difficulties or because your company is too poor to produce that many sacks. What do you do?

Leave it?
Unclothe yourself to make sacks?
Go back and waste time and opportunity

Is there any choice which will not give you stress/frustration?

The rollercoaster continues.....

2010-02-21T14:14:00.006+05:30

Again it's been long since I wrote. Well for once there was nothing to write. I am still stuck in the PhD Rolllercoaster. Technically, I took the infinite ride so stuck may not be the right word.To be exact, it seemed as if I am in the down phase of it. But luckily that changes every few days. I make lists of things to do and get frustrated when some of them never get done. But then not everything is within my control even if it is priority to me. I try different things but none work for long. It gets discouraging, then there is a glimmer of hope, my heart soars with it to fall again and the cycle repeats. It's exciting, but it gets a little frustrating to say the least.

What really helped was a conversation I had with a friend. I experienced this saying:

"A friend is someone who sings your heart's song
back to you when you have forgotten the words."
~ David Coppola

.......and it felt great. It helped me realize what was missing. Made me realize that I needed to feed my soul at regular intervals. It's ok to do that. It's necessary to do that.

But the "me time" works only when you are stress free. And that couldn't happen till I had got "proper" work done and not just "everyday" work. Don't ask me the difference!

To sum it up, I took time off to get some work done and suddenly felt whole and relaxed again, at least for a few moments...

Facts of life-Kabir

2010-02-04T20:55:00.003+05:30

Kabir gave pearls of wisdom ages ago but they are still so valid...

Chalti Chakki Dekh Kar, Diya Kabira Roye
Dui Paatan Ke Beech Mein,Sabut Bacha Na Koye

Translation :Looking at the grinding stones, Kabir laments
In the duel of wheels, nothing stays intact.

Pothi Padh Padh Kar Jag Mua, Pandit Bhayo Na Koye
Dhai Aakhar Prem Ke, Jo Padhe so Pandit Hoye

Translation :Reading books everyone died, none became any wise
One who reads the word of Love, only becomes wise

Bada Hua To Kya Hua, Jaise Ped Khajoor
Panthi Ko Chaya Nahin, Phal Laage Atidoor

Translation :In vain is the eminence, just like a date tree
No shade for travelers, fruit is hard to reach

PhD -The Rollercoaster Begins

2010-02-03T22:25:00.003+05:30

This is going to be a tough. PhD does try its best to turn you into a geek. It's almost like a physical transformation and each day, I see it in amazement and then I revolt!

Let me give an instance. It's been a little over two weeks since I got back from a 10 days intensive workshop. And today I felt frustrated because I haven't done any concrete research till now! It's not as if haven't been working but at the same time it's not as if I have either! There's a lot " extra work" which doesn't really fall under any concrete category. What's weird is how I secretly felt glad and proud to have been given it so I could have a chance to "learn" instead of resenting the take over of my free time.

It's been the other way round. I resent free time in a way. I go out to enjoy and I come back and feel guilty and upset that I didn't give that time to work when there's so much I "want" to do. One (or rather any geek) would wonder why I go out then at all. Because I want to. I want to remain NORMAL and remain ME.

And what I see around me people enjoying their lives. And I realize that I can't just wait because by the time I am out of here , I will be ancient. Already I feel old. Recently I saw a typical MBA group working. In the field where they went so that they could "make noise" and discuss. And that was their assignment. Sometimes that is it. With no exams!!!

And here I snap if anyone gets me a little late. I seem to make life hell for close ones. This is now. What happens later? I see married people giving "home" priority over work. And sometimes I just can' imagine myself doing that. Study is not just work. It's a form of meditation. It's sometimes even sacred. And it takes over life.It's like being married to work. And I feel guilty for what this would do to someone close. Is the only alternative to remain alone? I don't want that.

For a few moments I wondered why I am doing all this. Then I realized..I enjoy it. Hell! Heaven! It's all here. It's my life. It's the only place I belong. I could never exchange it for any amount of "fun" or any high paying job.

But yes, I do also want to enjoy, love and relax. And I WILL.
So..................................
.....................................as minors and deadlines get nearer...............I blog! And look for time management techniques! Maybe the best one is not to think at ALL.

Tag....Five things on my mind just now.....

2010-01-24T00:05:00.002+05:30

I am finally taking this tag of Geetika's. Maybe that I will also get to know what is in my mind.
Hmmmm let's see...

1) I want to go out with friends. More specifically, I want one more day to hang out as we did in B.Tech and at the same place. I still miss that.

2)I want to have a week full of good soulful thought-provoking conversations that were "common" when friends were near.

3) I can see things changing. I know they have to. But I wish they won't all of the sudden.Just because I may remain a student doesn't mean everyone else will but it doesn't stop me from missing company.

4) I wana be better. I don't want to hold onto close ones so tightly.

5) I wana really get started with work properly and really get into it(weird!!!)

I tag Taps and Ash.

A new year and a new PG Express

2010-01-06T23:42:00.003+05:30

It's been a long long time again. And this has marked a brand new phase in my life.
Yes, I have taken the next step in post graduation.PhD.

Finally all confusions and cryptics end here with this one word which will now define maybe the next many years of my life. It' s exciting and it's scary. At least it's a little less lonely. But that will keep oscillating as people come and people go and I become a fixture in the lab.

If I go in order to list the steps I took/ or life took for me for the past year it would this way:
1)Clarity-Jan
2)Clarity-Feb
3)Confusions-March
4)Confusions galore! -April
5)Action-May
6)Relaxation-June
7)Look busy , do nothing. "Chakkar kaatna"-July
8)Nostalgia-August
9)Independence -September
10)Busy bee work-October
11) Why me work-November
12)All pieces fit in place-December

All this has been followed by "B" part in this this year so far :

B part
1)Relaxation-a week off from the mobile , computer and work in pure fresh air with loads of walk, novels and family time-perfect!
2) Chakkar kaatna
3)Why me work
and moving onto ....
4)Independence at a price.

Wow! No wonder I feel at the end of each day as if I have lived a week! What with an entire months emotions getting covered each day!

BTW HAppy NeW YeAr to all.

My resolutions? Skip top busy bee phase or even work phase!

P.S : I am not a geek , I am not even dignified or "grown up" , I am not brilliant. I even get lazy and am not always hard working.

But I just wanted to do this. I am stubborn, lucky sometimes and very much loved. So maybe that way lucky always.

:)

2009-12-25T00:44:00.001+05:30

Hai Khoobsurat Yeh Pal
Sab Kuch Raha Hai Badal
Sapne Haqeeqat Mein Jo Dhal Rahe Hain!!!!!

Hide me :(

2009-12-18T15:14:00.001+05:30

Wordless

2009-12-12T13:22:00.007+05:30

It's certainly been a long time...again. I guess I just don't have words.
It's like I had taken time off "normal life" for these 6-7 months. And now I am soon going to find out where I stand in the real world. But no matter what the judgment, the experience has been worth it. I have learnt a lot more than I expected. And it's been an enriching time. Some may say it was somewhat like a break. It was in the sense that I didn't have as much stress about everyday stuff. But I probably worked even more than before. I definitely had more responsibilities than ever before. And yet I got a chance to explore life and be spontaneous. And some of those decisions actually paid back well. In other cases, well at least I tried and enjoyed!

I also got a chance to think a bit. The things which would have earlier affected me a lot suddenly aren't as important. Yes I can still be a baby about some small issues but I don't mind admitting what I believe in. I don't mind admitting my weaknesses. At the same time, I was able to assess my strengths.

Just when I need to work the hardest, blogging comes to my rescue like an old friend. Somehow high pressure work and blogging just do go hand in hand.

Well of this is just random thought scrunched up together like my jumbled up hair.
Make sense out of it if you can!

I guess the gist is just "I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference........................................................................
........................................................
........................................................
.........................................................
...........................................................but I don't know yet in what direction!

Fun or the usual ?

2009-11-18T00:45:00.004+05:30

A month or so and I feel as if I have ripped myself out of the bloggerworld forever. Strangely enough, there was no reason. Life was the same. Mundane. Well not even mundane because exciting things also happened and they continue to keep happening. But something seems missing. Life seems boring despite changes. After a while, the usual fun activities aren't fun anymore. They become just that-usual. They eat up out time and yet give you no real pleasure. Like watching any series or playing games like "Farmville" or even going out to the same place always. Life needs novelty. Like reading or watching a movie. The good thing is that they end. They don't possess you for very long. Few days at max. But these other activities don't go away. They possess you and drive you away from activities which are actually fun. They eat up your time.

Same way, eating same thing everyday, even if you love it, will make you lose its flavor after a while. And all you will gain will be fat.

Same reason why people generally don't take up their hobbies as work because after a while someday, work will just work. Whereas hobbies will retain your passion because of their very irregularity.

And in the same, people probably tend fear marrying the one they love or loving their best friend. Because as you move from one level to the other, the comfort increases but that also means the passion relaxes into its own comfort zone.

Comfort though does have its advantages but living requires much more. And so does writing. Writing and comfort do not go hand in hand.

Burn your boat

2009-10-04T22:55:00.004+05:30

The term burn your boat in crude terms means to take an irreversible decision.
Here are some interesting articles I want to share on the same.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Burn-The-Boats---Finding-Passion-in-Your-Life&id=545736...beautifully said and the para about about being afraid of "them" is exactly I keep saying! Liberating to read it!

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, and then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe .

Very true. Gandhiji also said something thing similar in his book The story of my experiments with truth :
"The freedom and joy that came to me after taking the vow had never been experienced before. Before the vow, I had been open to being overcome by temptation at any moment. Now the vow was a shield against the temptation."

My best friend's wedding

2009-10-03T00:52:00.002+05:30

I watched this movie recently but was disappointed by it.They call it a romantic comedy but if people like those can't get together after 9 long years, it's a tragedy.

Think about it

2009-10-03T00:51:00.001+05:30

Though we do all we can to stay happy, I think deep down, we find comfort in pain also. We couldn't do without it forever.

To forgive is maybe right but to forget only divine

2009-10-02T22:12:00.004+05:30

I have been pondering over this for quite some time now whenever I hear the two opposing views each held equally strongly. One says "I don't believe in forgetting even when I forgive" and another says "Do not forgive if you can't forget".
Which do I believe? Ideally it would be right to forget if you forgive and for a long time I disagreed with the former train of thoughts. But what about learning from your mistakes? When someone wrongs you, you try to learn to guard yourself not just against similar situations but also similar people sometimes. Forgiveness is releasing yourself and the other person from any hard feelings. But trust broken is not always reparable. After the hurt comes the anger and after that again hurt , finally culminating in peace when you don't feel anything much. At that stage it would be criminal to expect a person to forget that their trust had been broken and go back to the same situation. Trust is like the ship of a relationship. Once broken, its drowned forever. You can retrieve mementos to remember it by but you can't mend it. But does that mean that forgiveness itself is not possible sometimes or that one can't forget even after forgiving? I wonder still.

Lazy work days

2009-09-24T20:43:00.006+05:30

I don't yet know the future course of action. But I know one thing, life will decide what is best. Sometimes the decision isn't yours even after all your pondering! And it feels right that way also because each piece of work has it's own importance and ultimately can make the most of whatever is given. The important thing is remember youth is for work and whether or not you have external motivation, it is your duty to toil hard. It's just that self motivation is HARD. But trying new activities keeps life exciting and helps at times.

One thing that I have noticed is that I try to get rid of all distractions by giving way to them before getting to work. But by the time that is done, there is no time left for work!!!

Well it's not completely wrong , as it is said " Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first."

OK so now I am confused why I even wrote this post!

Of my dear …

2009-09-24T20:32:00.001+05:30

As I come to my abode
I feel pleasure at thy presence again
Thy will be there waiting as ever
Sameness so comforting
Yet outwardly changed enough to be riveting

No matter what storms the day brings me
I know I can come back to thee
No words are required
None indeed are said

As I devour each lanky inch
I consume each part within my grasp
As my hunger satiates and I can only gasp
At the pleasure of consuming thee maggi!!!

Kudos to Kapil Sibal

2009-09-16T22:32:00.003+05:30

Kapil Sibal's new poem portrays beautiful thoughts...at the least the man is trying to understand young minds. After attending a few functions in which he spoke, observing recent changes and reading this poem, I feel this man will make a difference. Here's the poem

Please rid me of this awful load
preparing for the class X board

My thirsty mind craves to create
Not have exams decide my fate

My wondrous eyes yearn to explore
Much beyond my classroom doors

My dreams should not be cut to size
Because I hate to memorize

If you test me for brains and guile
Don't have to look at percentiles

Marks encourage one upmanship
a free ride on an ego trip

With textbooks I should start to surf
Inquiringly look for new turf

Walk away from the trodden path
And not invite my teacher's wrath

Solving a sum will help find
Real answers to a questioning mind

Create the space for me to run
Let learning be a lot of fun

"Ab yahan tak aa gaye hain, ab kidhar jaayen?"....again

2009-09-13T15:25:00.001+05:30

"Ab yahan tak aa gaye hain, ab kidhar jaayen?"
And the soul-searching continues.............

I don't worry about whether I will get what I want or not but about whether I will choose what I want. No it's not arrogance. Far from it. It's just a firm belief that we get what we really want. The theory has gained popularity,....be it Alchemist or The Secret.

But here the problem is the realization of what I want for the rest of my life. Not for just me, but for any of us going through the transition stage.

Do dreams last a lifetime? Or do they change as we grow? It's actually very difficult when you are at the brink of your dream coming true. You don't know what next. But worst still what if you don't know if it is still as dear? Sometimes it's just fear, sometimes shear laziness. If so you overcome them and move on. If you hear a voice deep inside your heart, just follow it, no matter how crazy. God will lead you then. Some dreams remain embedded within you. Don't lose them.

And yet I wonder is life all about just rushing after dreams? When do we slow down? Is that only to be left for old-age?

A very confusing post indeed, I know!

Aloneness-lonliness-aloneness

2009-09-08T13:44:00.000+05:30

Solitude is nice. One who enjoys it the most is the loner. But his journey should not be despised. He has what many carve. Self-dependence. But there are two sides to every coin and one has to experience that in life.

You may think you value your aloneness without being lonely, but you still get used to being around people with time. That time you miss solitude. But when those people go away, suddenly the aloneness that was dear to you becomes loneliness.

The worst kind of loneliness occurs when surrounded by people. But sometimes even that seems better than not having people around you. Living souls are comforting to have as a part of the environment. They don't eliminate your loneliness but they make it less creepy. Yet sometimes they aggravate the situation. They don't understand lonely don't want to be pitied. The only way this helps is you realise you enjoy your solitude more than such favours.

From aloneness to loneliness and back to aloneness. It's a vicious circle.

2009-09-08T13:42:00.000+05:30

Nothing lasts forever.

If we actually believed this, we could probably never get through life.

Writing

2009-08-27T12:41:00.004+05:30

Read this in the Chicken Soup for the Writers' Soul.

"I have come to believe that there are no new photos and few new stories, only unusual recombinations of things that have been told before. But what is new, and fresh and original is the author's lens through which these situations are viewed. Our gift, and consequently our responsibility as writers, is to view life situations in our naturally unique way and report the truth about their meanings and values to the reading public so they can have fresh insight into the human condition. We are each unique in the universe and therefore, so are the stories we tell."

Despite reading more than 10 Chicken Soup books and numerous storied from others, I can never get tired of them. I especially loved this one. It's freshly inspiring and a "must read" for anyone who is writing or wants ever to write.

Reading Tag

2009-08-26T13:38:00.003+05:30

Read an interesting tag idea from here.

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Mark in red against the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry -
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Can't believe all I have is 23!
However, now I have an excuse to read more:)
I tag Tapasya, Geetika, Phoenix ,Bhushan and Ash

Finding a match

2009-08-21T11:45:00.003+05:30

Read this post of tapasya's
Couldn't resist replying here :

Finding a match is somewhat like finding the correct expensive shoes. You can't rush it and you have to try them on and know you are comfortable otherwise you are stuck with them and can hurt yourself seriously because once you have invested in them, you will be sure to continue using them!

Joy of Giving

2009-08-19T13:55:00.004+05:30

This concept seems really interesting. 7 days 7 gifts.Each day give some gift to someone different...something they will appreciate. Doesn't matter if it's big or small or whom you do it for.

Just do it:)
More details on this link : http://www.joyofgivingweek.org/

This is it

2009-08-17T00:53:00.008+05:30

This is it my dear friends
The road has a new bend,
It's forked in many new ways,
Scattered we have to move on,
Towards our separate means and ends

Together we cheered
Together did we cry
Moments of togetherness will bond us still
As we picture good old times
Comforting each other as the world jeered

Let changes not set us apart
Be those in the physical sense
Or those of our inner selves
For we will grow in our separate worlds
But we need not part at heart

FRIENDS

2009-08-17T00:23:00.003+05:30

Serials are addictive! I mean novels calm you down whereas serials make you hyper. Still we love them. Been watching "Friends" recently. It' over now. At least 200 episodes of it (missed the beginning portions). At first I just liked it for being funny. But gradually I realized it's much more than that. It's about importance of true friendship-the kind in which you really care for each other. It's about actually believing in the happiness of the other even if you aren't part of it, about the beauty of forgiveness- when someone truly needs it, getting someone gifts without you being the giver and lots of more. Basically it's about love-for each other. None of these are new lessons but they are portrayed so realistically that it's not preachy. It actually touches you deep down while making you laugh. The characters are humanistic, not ideal. They are a weird group of people bunched up together by chance and also by choice. They all have their moments of insecurity, jealousy, pain, sadness , humiliation, even anger and manipulation. But they don't stray away from goodness in the real sense because they still care for each other.

I wish it wasn't over. But I am perfectly satisfied by it's ending. That's what happens in real life. We move on. After a particular time, we all have major changes in our loves and our priorities change. But it gives hopes that true friendships never do. They just evolve.

It's something everyone must watch at least once. (I guess most already have, I am late runner here!).

Elasticity

2009-07-31T22:31:00.002+05:30

The more I get pushed down, the harder I will come up, like the rubber ball.

Cool

2009-07-19T00:46:00.002+05:30

Just loved this!
http://in.movies.yahoo.com/interview-detail/389/2983/An-interview-Celina-Jaitley.html
Way to go!
The reason I like is simply because I don't that him. He's too self-righteous. If all he wants to do is promote Indian culture and if he is really non-materialistic then why is he charging everyone for it? Why not just do it free if his needs are so few?

Movies I watched recently

2009-07-09T22:20:00.004+05:30

Two Week's Notice -Sweet and romantic, funny.
Wall E - Worth a watch at least . Good message but first half's a bit slow.
He's just not that into you- ALL girls need to watch this! Really! Shows you some realities of life while is still light
Confessions of a Shopaholic- How far is too far? Watch and find out.I am a read-o-maniac!
Father of the bride I-Really made me understand things better. How true it all is! Can't believe I never watched it earlier.
Bride Wars - Competition exists even between best of friends, sometimes on big things, sometimes on little but in the end true friendship still wins. It's hilarious but still touched me.
Twilight- Hmmm...it's OK. Exciting. Scary to watch at night! Would like to watch the other parts
Marley and Me-Funny and touching. It's about the dog but what I like was the lesson that sometimes you don't get what you want but life makes for it and you love what you get.

Princess Diaries- Watched it again! Courage is not about not being afraid but it's the realization that something is more important than your fears.
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Really like the variety...they all cover some unique part of life and emotions.

I am loving it!At least 20 more to go!:)

The transformation

2009-07-08T00:19:00.002+05:30

It was lovely dream of being surrounded by novels until I was suddenly jerked up by my dad saying “Your school friend Nina is here.”
“What??? Oh no!” I groaned. I was barely ready and I had called my college friends over today later on. “How come Nina was here so suddenly?” I wondered. She was supposed to be in Mauritius.
Anyway I made my way out and started getting ready. Said “hi” to her sleepily and went to brush my teeth (everyone says I take hours in that!).
From a distance I was shocked to see her in a "cute pink" dress. Cute definitely never defined. her . 'Hot' maybe
Suddenly she was behind me.Closer up, I realized she was more elegant than ever before. Gone were the short skirts and wild attire. She seemed covered but in a nice way.
“You didn’t even give me a welcoming hug,” she said, her facing crumpling.
I was shocked. “Is this the same girl who used to say I was over-sentimental?”
Little did I know, the shock had just started.
“I wanted to give with you once I smelled better”, I smiled and consoled her.
We started talking. Gradually the purpose of her coming seemed to dawn me.
“I am getting married soon”, she said.
“What????? To Akshay?”, I screeched.
“Ha, that’s funny, especially since he’s had a crush on you since forever”, she said bemusedly but there was sadness in her eyes.
This was all news to me.
“Then whom?”, I wondered allowed.
“Bob Mason”.
“Isn’t he your boss?”
“Ya”
“But you never mentioned loving him. You said was cute and cuddly but not exciting. Since when have you been going out with him?”
“Well we have known each other for 3 years now”
“But do you love him?”
“What’s love? I have been out with a million guys. I thought I loved one but it doesn’t last. At least Bob loves me. We can have a stable life.”
I wondered if I was dreaming. This was one girl whose middle name could be “fun”.
Her funda was to have fun and let go. She always used to tell me I was too uptight.
“Nina, tell me truly why are you marrying him”
“There’s no one there. Parents are in a different country. My sister is terribly sick. She ..she won’t get better. I have no friends there. I don’t want to come back either.” she whimpered.
“Hey it’s ok. It will all be fine just relax”, I tried to reassure her.
“So you are getting married soon”. It was more of a statement. “When?” I was still trying to absorb all this.
“Next month 5th”
“What????”
“So soon? How could you not tell me? What if I can’t make it?” I was hyper again. It was just 2 weeks away and I also realized it was on the day of my convocation. Hmm, it was going to be tough.
“I am sorry. But I really want you to be present. In all this stress I have missed having friends, especially you. You are one friend I truly trust and also my oldest friend. I want you to be my maid of honor. I will delay it if required but it will mean reprinting of cards. At least I haven’t distributed many”
“Of course I will be your maid of honor. Don’t worry about anything, we will manage. Just be happy and relax. It’s my convocation that day but I will with you the minute it gets over.”
She smiled. And with that I bid goodbye to my best friend the girl and wished luck to the woman I had met that day. I didn’t know how right her decision was. It wasn’t for me to question. But all I can say is,
“Life is strange with its mazes and sometimes you find paths you never knew existed. At other times, you back to the paths you once rejected. It takes time to realize it’s ok whatever path you take...they all lead to growth of character.”

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This piece of work is purely fictional and any resemblance to any person living or dead is coincidental.

I can't..................

2009-06-30T22:46:00.004+05:30

...................complete at your leisure........

Sometimes it's relieving to be grumpy.

I can't write :(.
I can't ........the list is too long :(
Why do I try? Is it worth loving and trying things you aren't good at? Are you actually any better than those who don't try?

I don't know. I always thought that it's our choices which make us different. There's nothing we CAN'T do. But I don't know.

Answers anyone???

Friendship and sacrifice

2009-06-26T01:06:00.002+05:30

"If there was just 1 seat available for a job, would either you or your best friend be willing to give it up for the other if one wanted it a little more but both had nothing in hand?"
"No"
"Then you shouldn't call each other friends. Only competitors".

So many time sit happens, something rattles our very soul because we don't have an answer that particular time. Blog is helpful this way. I would like to answer something a bit similar".
No, I don't believe either of them needs to give up for the other and I don't think either would expect that also. Simply because I don't believe friendship means sacrifice to this level. Not in today's world. To help one another is one thing. To give your time is also fine. But there is a limit beyond which you only do things for family. Because that's where you belong. They represent you. Friends don't, even if that seems harsh to some. So if you are asked to give up something which could hurt your family, even if just feelings-wise, or something which goes against what you feel you are meant to do, then I feel it's ok to refuse. Work is also apart of you, and if you love your work then it would be injustice to yourself to lose out on it.

And I don't believe friendship can't have competition. I used to hate competition. Maybe i still do. But I realize one can't exist without it. But it is possible to have a co-operative kind of competition with each helping the other. In that all can win to some level. But withdrawl is not an option. Neither is giving your best or seizing the opportunity bad. It's only bad when you push someone deliberately. It's also bad when you turn a blind eye to someone who has fallen. But not otherwise.

It's different world. Sacrifice is exists but it need not be unlimited.

Speedpost

2009-06-14T17:52:00.006+05:30

Been reading Shobha De's Speedpost. In it , the author writes letters to her children on various issues of everyday life, things she couldn't tell , things to be remembered.

I thought of saying it's not a common novel but then no novel is common. There is at least one person who enjoys and even loves any particular novel.

But this one is a must read. It would do well as a family reading also....hmmm...that's a new concept that needs to be explored....

Here are a few thoughts that I really liked from it (black portions are explanatory, rest is quoted) :

Who cares if you follow social norms at the expense of our loved ones? Nobody does. Then why do we do it?Because we adults are cowards. We get our priorities wrong. We give undue importance to unimportant things. Basically we are fools.

Women are not encouraged to display overt emotions, especially if they are negative - never mind their validity or context. ....i resent the idea that I have to be calm, composed, an angel of good humour at all times ............it's unrealistic.

Do childrens' calls have to deal with emergencies? Can they not be about sharing a small moment, a thought, a feeling? Yes, it's extravagant but for me it's essential to stay in touch and any price is worth that electric charge that I get when, in a strange city at an odd hour in an unfamiliar setting, the shrill of a cellphone nestling in my handbag galvanizes me into action.

I regret that you don't have a dish that you associate exclusively with me.

In my anxiety to keep up with your world.....but I should have invested the same amount of time drawing you into our world, your grandmothers' and mine. Then we could have participated in each others' world more fully, more completely.

It's such a warm, comforting thought to that there are at least three individuals in the world who know you inside out and what's more , accept you exactly the way you are.They have seen you at your worst... Nobody had judged you. You have slipped up, been insensitive...Oh well, these things happen.

How could she possibly know the pleasure of hearing high-pitched voices coming home joyfully, knowing with certainty that their mother would be there to greet them?

You will do fine...even if you a get a little less marks...I want you to look at the bigger picture. To learn to be curious, to be alive, to absorb, to enjoy.

It wasn't the question of defiance alone. I preferred to make my own mistakes.

...how much more fun it is if you're lucky to be married to someone who shares your progress with you, enjoys the journey with equally and is there to hold your hand every step of the way and say 'Bravo' when you succeed and 'Don't worry' when you fail.

Will add more ....this book is one to be absorbed...not just read.

200 posts and going......

2009-06-13T13:15:00.004+05:30

It's been a while. No, I still haven't got in touch with myself. Sometimes it's not so easy. When did studies start? School? College? Grad school? At least after two years of "proper work", it's difficult to suddenly realize you are "free". Free from what? The daily schedule becomes a part of you. It difficult to suddenly get to know that you can no longer come your college, that you have no work for at least a few weeks or maybe a month. My friend maybe rightly called it the "IIT withdrawl symptoms". But it makes you feel old. As a child I always used to ask people, when do you finally grow up? Hmmm....maybe never at heart. But here are a few symtoms when you can safely consider yourself grown up in the eyes of the world, whether you like it or not :

When the average age of crickters is less than yours. (it really came as a shock to me!)
When your peers start getting married.....a weird nostalgia and refusal to accept the situation will overwhelm you
When you can no longer delay deciding what you will do for the rest of your life. When you talk of further studies, suddenly people think you have gone crazy. But well that's the one thing I know I like doing and it feels safe. Do people still study just for the sake of learning and instead of career opportunities?
When you realise you are too old for certain of your dreams. OK so you are never too old but ya, you would no longer be appreciated for a particular mastery.
When you yourself wonder about married life and accept or fear it not as some"maybe" in distant future but as a reality.
When you worry that you really will never grow up despite your age :( . I mean parents pamper you most of your life and now someday you would be expected to follow those footsteps, be responsible for not just yourself.No more tantrums or sulkings. Be an adult in real life. It's chilling!

Any suggestions?
One thing that doesn't make me feel so is that this is my 200th post :)Long live blogging!