It all comes down to..............................................

................................ZERO
This zero, invented by us Indians is indeed very unique. It's a great leveller.
No matter complicated the calculations, nothing is left the moment you multiply by zero. No matter how big a number we get, if there is zero and its companion ( nothing but a  tiny dot '.') at the beginning, it all gets belittled. Whereas, the same zero . at the end, could increase it manifolds, proportional to its original value.

We all have our very own zero that centres us. And all we really need to do is figure out our zero and keep track of where it is.  Keep it ahead of us and life's joys get multiplied. Let it go behind, and boom! Suddenly, there's nothing, no matter how great everything else is.

On second thoughts, who knows whether it  is easier to uncentered, disoriented or centered and cruising but in a rollercoaster, never knowing what the next bend has in store. Sometimes there are no answers.

The winner stands alone....but why???

****Warning : Spoilers ahead****

I think this book took me the longest time ever. Of course, there some that we just discard. In this case, however, I read half and discarded once. And then somehow, got back to it. It held my attention a bit more this time. Its not that its no fast paced, because it is,  it's just that I don't know why it was written. Its too negative. Its interesting because it shows the other side  a serial killer. The guilt, the doubts. But then it goes on to shows his blackness of heart. And why would such a person "win" in the end?

What I did like though, was the background. The author has embedded many gems of thoughts inside a gruesome story. Here are some :

"Normal is
-anything that makes us forget who we are and what we want ; that way we cna work in order to produce,   reproduce and earn money


-making fun of anyone who seeks happiness rather than money and accusing them of lacking ambition


-Standing facing the door in a lift and pretending you're the only person there, regardless of how crowded it is


-Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won't have the energy....(there's a whole list,   have shared the only ones I found most interesting)"


"Experience has taught that people only give value to a thing if they have, at some point been uncertain as to whether or not they' ll get it"


"People forget who they are and start to believe what other people say about them"


"Total power means total slavery"


"We all have a purpose in creation and that purpose is called Love. That love, however, shouldn't be concentrated in just one person, it should be scattered throughout the world, waiting to be discovered. Wake up to that love. What is gone cannot return. What is about to arrive needs to be recognised."


"Even if you're doing the same thing over and over, you need to discover something new, fantastic and unbelievable that went unnoticed the time before"

A talking match

A conversation is like a badminton/tennis match. Except for the rare volleys, one person remains more dominant than the other. One may be more dynamic, pushing their limits while the other just somehow returns the ball back in their court. It's not always that they don't want to, they just can't sometimes.

Its rare to have players in equally good form. At other times what happens is we hear out those with whom we want to talk but don't get a chance. And we talk out those whom we just want to hear but they don't have anything to say.

Looking back, I want to say....

So many times when we re-analyse any situation, we get this "oh, no!" moment when realise to our utter horror, how irrelevant/harsh/embarrassing we were. In a  way it's only the middle one which keeps coming back again and again to haunt. All these moments especially seem to creep up on me when night is old, and yet sleeps creeps out of reach. It makes me wonder how I could have uttered/done certain things. If only that middle-of -the-night clarity had persisted in those moments! 

Anyway, as I remain awake till morn in this night, I just want to apologise to all  those who may have had to bear my wrong-footedness during such moments. 

And for the future, may I reflect more on such sleepless nights and achieve greater clarity of thought. 

dil dhoondta hai yeh kya?

dil dhoonta hai kuch is jahan mein
ek nayi khushi udaasi ke saaye mein
ya koi udaasi is khushi ki chhaaya mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is andkaar mein
Ek umeed ki roshni is kaal mein
Ya ek andkaar is chamchamate ujaale mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is zamaane mein
ek humsafar is tanhaayi mein
ya kuch ekant is bheed ki parchhhayi mein

dil dhoondta hai kuch is sangharsh mein
koi raasta is safar ke daldal mein
ya khojaana chahta hai vo isi sagar mein?

The little leaf

I pity the little leaf

Noone notices it, all they see is the tree

The hugely spread tree

With millions of leaves

All overshadowing each other

Yet none do we see

Except for the tree

Who in itself would have hardly any identity

Had it not been for the leaf losing its individuality

It is the little leaf which bears it all

The brutal rain, the scorching sun, the dusty wind 

And still stick to its stem it does

while crying tears of pain

which we see as beautiful dew

Or even after-effects of rain

while the strong tree stands tall

But finally the leaf loses the struggle

Withered, each falls 

In its own time

Till all that is left is the tree

Only then do we see, it is empty

Without the leaf,  its non-identity.

Nature is blissful :)

                                                                                                                                            

                  

 

       

                          

                                                                        

                                            

I am lucky enough to take this kind of walk everyday:)

It's enough to fill ones heart with gladness!

PG Express 3

It's now time for another PG Express (5) but as I scrolled through earlier posts, I saw this, and wondered why I never posted it. Maybe I got burdened by yet some more stress or maybe wanted to add more into it but forgot after a while but anyway, here it is, short , incomplete even but that's how life was ..almost two years earlier. Wow! Has it really been that long? If I hadn't checked the dates I could well call it few months ago. Maybe that's why this has been waiting (you know, I posted another PG Express in between, which should ideally be because this one still got left out ), because despite all the changes, life remained same in some weird way throughout this  : "PG Express 3".

"Seems a long time since I wrote the first PG Express, yet it's not exactly because time has been slow or boring. It's just that it's been long in terms of experiences gained and in terms of changes.


From the time when I wanted to escape from here to the time when I felt insecure leaving this second home....certainly come a full circle...


It's been full of highs and lows...successes and failures. What has been constant is learning to work. And that too "group work"! That means knowing when to put in efforts and when to withdraw. It means days of frustration that you know nothing and guilt of letting the other person work. But it also means days of frustration when you do all of it and you wonder why. A good work-partner certainly makes life easier. To be able to shout at each at midnight after a submission and to be able to tease each other it next day shows the strength of friendship and understanding.


Work also includes "leadership" and the ability to handle deadlines and pressure. It means "people management " also. "

....but most importantly, it means how to handle "self" also.But more on that in the next Express.